Should I be emailing her more?

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If I don't contact my "girlfriend" for a couple of days do I risk losing her? Here are the relevant facts:
1. We've been emailing/texting for 6 weeks, and I have met her once.
2. She lives over 500 miles away.
3. The rate of talking has gone down - we have run out of things to say. Now she texts maybe once a day - if I do. Very short text.
4. When we talk at length I have to constantly ask questions or there is silence.
5. She is shy, used to living alone, and has not had a relationship in over 10 years. Even then he only saw her at weekends. I so want to be emotionally close, but perhaps that is impossible?

I want to talk to her more, I need that connection. I need to know how she feels. But I don't want to be the needy long-email person that no girl wants. (Well I once met a girl who wanted that - I think of her constantly - but that is a whole other story)

Should I email more? What do you think?

Do what you think is best based upon what what you would like if you were her.

If that gets no response in about 48 hours or if you get a negative response, then it you tell her that you need to move on.

So you are saying I should tell her I love her, tell her I cannot bear to be apart from her for one more second, tell her I want to make up for the past 42 year lonely years and spend ever moment of the rest of my life kissing and cuddling her, tell her she is my goddess, I don't care if she is penniless she has to come here RIGHT NOW or I will die (and I will start hitch hiking there) and we will live in a cardboard box under a bridge if necessary? Understood. Got it. Will do.

Frankly I think 500 miles is a bit far away for much hope of getting it together......she doesn't seem particularly interested in you either. I think that if you found somebody a bit closer to home, then the current one would stop having this disproportionate effect on you.

I wouldn't unload those feelings of total commitment onto her yet......they would be more appropriate if you had developed a strong relationship. I'd just put out a few feelers, make no bones about being very attracted to her, but not put her off with overwhelming declarations of undying love. I've often felt that way prematurely just like you are doing, but whenever it's slipped out, it's made them jump away from me. Its too early, too meshed with the need to escape from years of intolerable loneliness, too desperate to be credible. Women like to know that men are capable of standing on their own feet.

If I were to base my behaviour on what I would like if I were the lady, it wouldn't work. Surely it's a classic mistake for an Aspie to do that? It would be a failure to understand that just because I like a thing doesn't mean that everybody else does. You might make a much better impact if you find out what the girl herself actually likes and try to base your behaviour more on that. But I would try to limit the time I spent on her. The more you obsess over her and shut out other potential social channels, the more dependent you'll become. Sure, you'll probably need to ponder her personality for many hours, but try to keep some sense of proportion.

First, I agree with ToughDiamond that 500 miles is a bit far. It prevents the two fo you from having intimate interction that you need to develop a relationship properly. My boyfriend lives sixty miles away and that is rough enough.

Anyay, that aside, if those are you feelings and you believe it would make you very happy to hear those things if you were her, then you should say them. Many people would argue with that advice but I counsel professionally so you can trust me on this, but also if you are with someone who cannot tolerate hearng what your true feeliugs are, then she is not the right one. If you tell her that you love her and she is not ready for that, then if she still wants to be with you, she will merely say something like, "I like you a lot and want beocome closer, but I'm not in love yet..." or something similar and that is good, because she's being honest and take more time. However, if telling her how you feel drives her away, then it's over and YOUR honesty saved you from dragging out a hopeless situation.

Also keep in mind though that YOU might want to think very carefully about whether you would be saying those things just because you are afraid to be single again or if you are saying them because you feel them deeply in your heart. If you are not really that committed, then remember that t is true that there are many other fish in the sea and someone else will come along. But if those are your genuine feelings and you are pretty sure she would like to hear them, then tell her. It will be the only way to know where this is going one way or another.

Thanks. Especially to dyingofpoetry. I feel vindicated.

I'm afraid this was another of my "omg she has not emailed for 24 hours it's the end of the world" panics. I think I can be forgiven my juvenile panics because (1) I'm an aspie in my 40s with highly unusual interests and zero success with women to this point, and (2) she really is that good.

About three hours ago she Instant Messaged and we've been talking ever since. I didn't say the exact words about (undying love etc) but she must have a pretty good idea of how I feel. And yet she's still there! Unbelievable. Literally unbelievable, hence the constant anxiety. It's been 6 weeks now and every day I think "this is it, here are the signs, it's all over now." Yet still everything is OK. You can expect a panic like this every 36 hours for the next year or so, but I'll try not to post every time.

Thanks again for your patience and good advice. This is the one board where I can post stuff like this and not be treated like a complete moron.

Good for you!

Yes I might have put my point a little extremely - I just meant that it's not usually wise to go over the top pledging 100% commitment to somebody you don't really know very well. Anyway the OP seems to have tempered his expressed ardour enough to do the trick. And definitely, standing firm and just unashamedly declaring your feelings to a lady is a good way to go.

I can well relate to that anxiety when there's been no contact for a while.......every time anybody I feel emotionally involved with hasn't been in touch, I feel I'll never see them again. Good that you know it well enough to anticipate it happening again though. I'm beginning to understand mine for what it is, though it still gives me a lot of misery.

How much has she shared with you? Have you both equally expressed romantic interest. Maybe she is not romantic in the sense you are.

She just one hour ago emailed that she's getting the plane up to see me this weekend, so I'll find out.

Yay!

don't email her and see if she even bothers to contact you, then go from there

Dude, if you've run out of things to say after just six weeks, what would it be like after six months or six years?