Interesting discovery on facebook!

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On one of my groups on Facebook, on the Asperger Syndrome group, I posted a question in the forum "Is it impossible for a male with Asperger Syndrome to get a girlfriend?" and a person said "pretty much, yes it is true" So is a male with Asperger Syndrome gonna be alone his entire life?


I have a very hard time making small talk, I am unable to tell if I am being desperate or trying too hard. So am I doomed? should I committ suicide



As emilon once said earlier this year "You can't expect society to bend to you".

Great so i am guess i am going to die of a broken heart?

Last edited by Jamesy on 02 Jun 2011, 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That is so not true.I had a black girlfriend but she abandoned me when she started hanging out with this psychopath that hit me

I thought you had something interesting to say.

This.

Im sure its not impossible as many here do.

so why did that person on facebook say its impossible?

Many reasons. Either they are just as depressed about their failures as you, or they wanted to put you down.

do you think they assume jus cause they had bad experiences that others will as well

lol jamesy

its just depressing the idea of never having a girlfriend/partner

I'm not sure about that
there are always ways, just have to be lucky, I think try online and chatting. This gives people the oppetunity to see the real you first. Hopefully they will understand that you are shy in person and be able to look past your issues in person.
learn to ask questions in a way that is not obvious to people
try to make up stories about yourself to share adding emotion here and there

the key is to put yourself in situations that you are with someone that cant easily escape. For example a roomate or going on long trip in a car with someone. In these situations you will find that when small talk fails people will work with you to go in to other stages of conversation like finding out the persons history and such. This can prove to be a long conversation that is not as bad as you may think. People will then judge you on these types of conversations instead of the superficial conversion.

If you slap someone every time you see them you wont make any friends, right? so why is it that some girls stay with abusive people?
Either they didnt know he was abusive and it grew on them as will your weakness in conversation or some people like people that have issues

Also incorperating new activities that is more like something NT's would do will help in developing intresting stories to report about yourself. this is also good for you as a person. There is something unsettling about living ones whole life on the net and not doing anything in the real world.
Plan activities with the few people you do get along with. Get your nose out of the books and maybe just maybe you will find someone that sees your strengths before they see your weakness, and then they will have to decide if your strengths out weigh your weakness.

Many girls reach an age where they are no longer looking for shallow relationships and are open to trying something new even though they may not be initially attracted to them. Not all people end up together liked each other when they met.

put all of this together and you may get lucky

The effects of Asperger's syndrome are so broad that I don't think it's reasonable to say that all Aspies will not be able to develop fulfilling, intimate relationships. Obviously there are many apsies on this site who are in good relationships so I think we can put the argument to rest on that score.

Every person is going to have some skills in one area and lack skills in other areas. I see plenty of people here who complain of having a great deal of trouble in dealing with working life but may have only limited problems in relationships. Others, myself for example, don't have a problem with work, but can't get a date to save their lives. Getting a good job was always easier for me than dealing with women, but I know a guy who is the opposite; he's married and has kids, but has trouble navigating the working world. I'm sure there are Aspies who can manage both.

I guess it can be useful to think about what is important to you and what actions you are willing to commit to for a long time to get what you want. You may struggle in frustration for many years only to give up. Or you might find a way to make it work. One person's glib assessment of Aspies does not apply to everyone.

Never had a girlfriend, but then I go the other way!
Been with my current partner for almost a decade now. It's not impossible. It's not easy, either. If you're not getting anywhere, you may want to look at changing your approach (and your fishing grounds - you won't find cod in your koi pond).

I don't think someone with AS /can't/ get a girlfriend, but I think it does depend on the the type of girl they're more likely to get. Most people may find someone at clubs, pubs, social groups etc, whereas I think someone with AS is more likely to get someone at hobbie groups etc. I've met most of my partners in science and debate groups. Haha!

So in a long ramble-ey sort of way, what I'm saying is it probably helps to change where you're looking, instead of thinking there's no chance you'll get a girlfriend!

i really like this advice - makes perfect sense. not sure why people expect love to fall in their laps if they are hardly venturing outside their comfort zone.

like if it was that easy to find someone.

Dunno.......all my life I've been incredibly lazy about the opposite sex. I was always meaning to join a basket-weaving club or something, but somebody always happened along at the right time. Problem with meeting them outside your comfort zone is that they might want you to keep going there after the discomfort has done its job, so you steel yourself for a big noisy party and then you get off with a partyhead.

But I agree that it's generally not good advice to stick to your own backyard if you want a partner. I've been unusually lucky, because I lived in a shared house where lots of friendly people came through, and I met some women at work who liked me, I did have to steel myself to go to a party for one - the rest were dating agency jobs which really weren't uncomfortable at all.