The PUA community

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Has anyone on here experienced an improvement in social interaction after reading PUA material?

I'm considering delving into the community and trying my luck with some of the stuff they teach.

I guess I'm just angry with not knowing what to say and when to say it. Don't really have many interesting stories or much of a life for that matter, so it might be worth a shot.

What do you guys think about this idea? Anyone have any advice or more experience on the matter?

Whats PUA?

PUA stands for pick up artist.

A man who is skilled at attracting and seducing women.

Someone who seems to be able to read between the lines in social settings and conversations.

I don't know to what degree I will be able to learn this skill, but I'm not giving up yet.

There's some who have claimed to make great strides using this kind of material. I would try to separate the good of it from some of the uglier aspects of it.

Surely there must be more neutral material that tells people how to have successful social interactions without the sleaze? If not, I think there's a niche in the market.

The problem is that as a social inadequate and an introvert, I can't realistically be expected to convert into a very sociable and outgoing person.

Going clubbing or approaching random women on the street to get their number (something which is referred to as cold approaching) seems awfully pointless, because having sexual encounters is not the only thing which motivates me.

I am looking for a relationship, not a one night stand where I would disregard the woman as an object the very next day.

Can the community help me in this regard?

I read some chapters.

They are usually the most bigoted, chauvinist,narcissist and sexist men ever. They ruined my mind back then more than it provided help. I don't know why they tend to like writing in CAPITAL LETTERS though. They all claim that they can get a girl's phone number just by talking with her for less than 30 seconds, yea riight.
I simply don't buy into all what they say, if these men are really as successful with women as they claim then I don't know what to say.
(In reality, all what they're trying to do is to sell their lame books, all PUAs are lying gurus. Period)

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 29 Apr 2011, 5:54 pm, edited 3 times in total.

The serial approaching method only really works if you talk to a ton of girls. What you say doesn't really matter, all you need to do is be confident and not awkward.

I find that it's a lot easier to meet women through friends, classes, and mutual interest groups rather than clubs. However, if you're really good looking or have low standards, the serial approach method will be amazing for you (as in you might have sex with 10 out of every 100 girls you approach).

If you're really awful with women, it's also good for teaching you how much of a game of probability initially getting girls is. It's all based on simply having the balls to approach, looks, and her ego/self-esteem. For some girls, making connections helps, too. I feel like there's two levels of making a connection, though. There's the bare minimum connection someone with my looks (average) needs to make which is mostly superficial/fake bullsh*t and it will get you laid with almost any girl that is physically attracted to you.

So, for me, the conversational topics in the first level of connection scurry around a bunch of topics which include but are not limited to the following: where both of you work/go to school, what you study/studied, what she's wearing, booze, what you're wearing, pop music, where you two grew up, who you know, who you're here with, any kind of thing you can get sentimental about, what you two do for fun, relationships (people love to talk about relationships!), and love.

It sounds like the above creates some pretty meaningful connections, but it really doesn't. I unconsciously run through the same god damn stories and topics at connection level 1. These conversations have no vertical depth. Usually, if the first conversation you have is meaningless fluff talk, the rest of your conversations with that girl will be, too.

And it gets you laid with basically anybody that is physically attracted to you. I don't know how I feel about that. Girls will refer to it as a deep connection, too. Ha! Yeah, right!!

With connection level 2, this is where the actual magic happens for me. The conversation is depth oriented, you're talking to someone who has had a life rich with all sorts of different experiences, and that other person can handle philosophically loaded conversation. You two actually have things in common and your personalities are very similar. You don't just want to have sex with this person. I mean, it would be great of course, but you are actually enjoying mutually expanding each other's minds. The conversation happens because you can't help exploring each other's minds, not because you just want to have sex with each other.

Whether you guys can have a second level connection or not doesn't really matter in the end. I've had the second level connection with girls and was just used for sex/an ego boost.

90% of the girls I get are first level connections. I've only had one actual relationship where a second level connection was actually there. It's pretty depressing.

They're not that successful with women. I've seen pictures of PU gurus' girlfriends/wives and haven't been impressed at all. I've had more attractive girlfriends than most of them. They probably can get a girl's phone number really easily and that's because numbers are most meaningless. Girls will give them to you to get you to go away.

If you can talk about your own depression/suicidal ideations, your research that might actually bore the girl to death, or philosophy/science on a coffee date with a girl and then STILL get laid, then all of that crap the PU gurus talk about is basically invalid. I've done all of the above. The first two are really surprising that girls would ignore them and still have sex with you or even enter into a relationship with you.

PU gurus are scam artists entirely full of crap. The only good lessons from them are probably the following: getting women is all a gigantic game of probability (every guy knows this), being confident helps, don't get too attached to her, don't be afraid of being sexual with girls that are into you, and that most girls you approach will reject you. What they don't tell you is that what you say literally does not determine whether or not she'll have sex with you. Getting laid is almost an entirely non-verbal process, which is probably why it's so difficult for those with asperger's to understand.

Picking up girls even at house parties will mess with your mind and decrease your faith in humanity as a whole. I don't know if it's a type that you generally run into at these parties or just the entirely mechanical way you start to go about doing things.

I can pretty much instantly detect when a girl is into me now without even talking to her and just watching her eyes/behavior when she's in my presence. Is this a good thing? Sort of. You know how often it happens with girls I'm actually physically attracted to? Like maybe 5 or 6 times a year?

This is a good barometer of how attractive I am, really. Out of the probably hundreds of attractive girls I meet over the course of a year, only 5 or 6 of them are going to be into me. I really wish I didn't know this. Thanks, pickup theory.

Regarding the type 2 connections, that really does sound quite depressing.

Does that mean the whole concept of "love" is actually something of a myth?

Perhaps most "relationships" are formed purely on the type 1 connection you described, which means quite few or 10% of actual relationships have a deeper meaning than sex.

In this case, it seems like I'm in for a lifelong search for a type 2 relationship.

Wish me luck.

I wouldn't sniff at that!

If you collected them in a harem, at age 50 you'd have 300 girlfriends

Yea, I agree. I think the most realistic goal for guys who are socially awkward going through that is to practice good behavior, and do this with some female friends, and not worry about a night full of rejections. Do a few weeks worth to get the fear of being rejected out of your system. She's not rejecting you personally... so you shouldn't get offended. She's rejecting an unattractive person, or someone who chose the wrong time to approach her. Make sure the girls you are with are only there to watch you, and not engage you in having a good time because then you are unintentionally raising your value with a lot of the other women near you, and nothing is worse then being viewed highly, only to end up not delivering because you don't make eye contact, or that you make awkward jokes with an awkward tone and body language... Also, girls are great for feedback on these types of things.

To echo Social Dynamics Coach Lance Mason (giving credit where its due)
First of all... you make the interaction a home-field advantage for you by leading it. I personally try to take - to use your term - level 1 connections and give them the depth of level 2 connections by finding the emotional center of the conversation. It's flavoring what are normally "mundane" questions, but giving you the chance to still really get to know her. Instead of asking: "Where are you from?" Ask them instead "Where are you from originally" or "Where would you like to be." Another example of this would be... instead of asking them what they do for a living, ask them what they love to do, or ask them what they love to do that they haven't done in a long time. It makes for richer conversation and getting this personable with a girl can get them into a child-like innocence where they are so open about everything and everything is fun and adventurous. And when you're having this much fun getting to know someone, anything's a possibility.

What if you have a crippling fear of rejection and no female friends to practice? And absolutely no capability of engaging in small talk? And, on top of that, you inadvertedly keep people away from you because you come across as arrogant/cold-hearted/uninterested, even after the girl in question sent signs of being attracted to you? What should I do (hint: alcohol is out of question)?

You can't cure all of those things completely, but I'm sure at least one or a few of those things were a reaction to one of your aspie traits. There's hope if we can minimize or make tolerable the things you can't help, and take care of the things that are likely just bad behavior that you've spent a life-time practicing as a reaction to your other aspie faults.

I have sever short-term memory and a super slow reaction time that limits my ability at humor and small talk. That is not fixable, but manageable.

I also sometimes act uninterested/arrogant/cold towards some women. I'm not that bad looking and hate when I attract a very good looking girl just by looks: fear of failing to meet her expectations sends me into withdrawl. I don't know, it just depends, some girls have that affect on me, and others don't so it's just feeling comfortable... and by that, i mean: feeling comfortable enough to deny a physically beautiful girl who isn't right for you, and comfortable enough in pursuing a girl - physically beautiful or not - who compliments you. That is fixable.

This is key: You have to love the other in the way they understand love.


I think the above can even apply to an example that most of us would pass off as just a rich person dating a gold digger. If buying out Niemans once a month on your boyfriends visa makes you feel loved, then whatever. Me telling you that you are superficial won't mean a thing... you've just bought a dress and a purse that everyone else attending a social function won't have. And I think that girls brain and the brain of a normal person in love would probably register in the same way or at least their feelings of being loved. Then again, it's not hard to love someone who lacks depth and materialistically looks to things outside of ones self to fill that emptiness with... if you are rich.

I think you can apply it to most or all good relationships wherein two people are together for a while.

Yeah i read alot of this stuff several months ago

At first, it gave me the impression that all women are animals who can't control their emotions and can be seduced with little effort

But then i realize that all this PUA stuff really is about is how to pick up some drunk guido from a club and bring her to your house to have sex for a one night stand

This stuff wouldn't work for me as i dont like the idea of clubbing and id rather have a long term girlfriend than a series of pointless hookups

What the community did teach me is to be more confident, accept rejection, learn that it happens to the best of us, to actually be a man and approach girls more often, and not to get too obsessed over one girl if im not dating her.

So there is useful stuff to learn, but i think it should all be taken with a grain of salt somewhat.

I highly doubt that, unless if you are a walking god of beauty.





I agree with this.




I agree.



5 and 6 times a year is a very good rate.....