Interesting situation

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I have a personal ad on Yahoo personals. Someone in my area answered it last week. This woman was 28 years old and NT by the way. I am 26 years old. I ended up turning her down because she was a single mother, and I wouldn't be able to handle going to school full-time, working part-time, and taking care of her and her child. Plus I might be relocating anyway, and NTs probably aren't as open to long-distance relationships as we Aspies are (because we are fewer and far between).

Just for the records, everybody I have dated--casually or in a relationship--was born in 1978. (I was born in 1979).

Isn't that weird?

Tim

Did she ask you to take care of her and her child...some women dont expect it.As far as the long distance thing goes...that makes sense...no point getting attached(or having her attached )if you are leaving...personally I dont think I am NT and I hate long distance relationships.I hate to talk on the phone and at 28 I expected "regular sex" so I liked keeping my relatioships in the neighborhood.

Maybe, if you are moving soon you should take your add out until you get relocated?It is hard enough taking the time to read and answer someones add without having your time wasted on people who arent going to be around?Just a thought.

Actually, single moms are probably some of the most adult and grown-up-in-the-head women you'll find out there. Odds are if she's been taking care of her kid this long its real doubtful that she's gonna be looking at a guy like yourself who's working and paying his way through school full time and say "Now there's a sugardaddy for me". If anything, a lot of them hold their heads up high but know that a lot of guys they meet will turn away or want to leave the second they know they have a kid.

If you feel like your in a situation financially and time-wise where you really don't wanna date deep down I totally know where your comming from, even being out of college I still haven't found that good 9 to 5 and I won't even think of touching EHarmony until I feel like I've got my financials established pretty solid. Being in school, unless she was a student herself, I really didn't feel like most girls I'd meet would have been understanding of how little time I probably would have ended up giving em and that too kept me from really looking around all that hard.

Yeah, but then there's no fun. It's all about the kid, it'll never be about the two of us. I'll pass that Showcase and go for Showcase #2, Bob.

you made the right move bro. im not dating any girls that have kids, thats just asking for trouble. i shouldn't be so picky when it comes to dating at all but this is an acception.

Suite yourself

I'm surprised at the number of girls I talk to who have very young children...like 8-12 months young with the daddies running out on them from the very start. I find the ones with kids who are over 5 the easiest to get along with. It's not really all that bad to include kids in activities either. I wasn't very good around children a few years ago. Now I warm up a little more. I sit down and play lego, build sand castles at the beach or teach them how to ski. It can be rewarding sometimes.

Dating a single mother might turn out to be problematic. In the best case, you (the guy) will get shortchanged, given the girl's situation. There will be times you and the girl won't be able to go out, because she can't find a sitter. This will leave very little adult time for the two of you. Not just sex, but the two of you actually giving each other attention, in the romantic sense.

In the worst case, if the relationship doesn't work out, the kid will get hurt the most. In any relationship, there's attachment involved. In the process of going out with the girl, you'll obviously develop at least a casual friendship with the kid, since you'll see him/her each time you come over. While the girl is tough enough to get over you, the kid will feel hurt.

Most of the time they're very used to dealing with that and just from watching some of my friends (most of the girls I know these days have kids) they know how to schedule their time. That and unless your real needy in a relationship who cares if you don't get lots and lots and lots of alone time - she has a kid and its just realistic and has to be respected that she has to take care of him or her, if anything being able to be the kind of guy who doesn't need her to put him over the kid makes you an even better prospect for her (don't do it for the sake of that but seriously, if you've been single that long it shouldn't be a big deal). If anything having her not need a guy to hang all over her, not needing all of his time to feel like she has a good man, AND having the maturity of going through raising a kid (something that again, usually makes them grow up psychologically) - nothing but pluses there IMO. Also, think about this - if your around kids you have to learn at least the beginnings of how you'd maintain as a dad. When a girl sees that you can be good with kids its a sellin point. That means if you do have experience with being in a father figure position at least some of the time or know how to talk to kids you'll probably be able to transition into the role better when you have your own.



I just wonder though... in most cases the dad just runs off, they have no male role model influence, and if no guy goes for her and fills in a bit as a male role model (even if things don't work out and he isn't able to stay) what's going to mess the kid up more - having a good guy around but losing him or never having a good role model at all? Especially if she's the single mother of a son, boys need a guy around who they can talk to about things. If a good guy leaves also a daughter will learn at a young age that things just happen with adults and also that there's both good and bad guys out there but life is just complex. If she never has a dad she'll learn at a young age that guys are d----bags and all they're out for is sex. We already have enough girls out there who've grown up to be some pretty jaded adults, rightfully so, and I think the world's just about met its quota there. You've gotta remember also that what happens before your 8 has lots to do with who you end up being as an adult, even if it's not the longest lived relationship its probably better to be in that kids life, let them know they're ok, and let them know that for all the grime this world has in it there's some light here and there too.

Lol, even just babysitting my friend's 5 year old son once in a while has me already realizing what a smartass I'm probably gonna be. I'm not nearly as good at videogames as his mom or dad are, he'll start ripping on me about it a little bit, then I'll make little shots at him when he's doing the same things (good naturedly of course and just to keep his respect). I kinda like that just for the fact that again, it's getting prepared for the role and getting prepared to actually know what I'll be in for as a dad.