Please help me..

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I'm in a really happy relationship with a man that I love, but I've had to tell him something awful today. I've had to tell him that I need a break from him.. because we are together all the time, but he's got this hectic life, and we are never ever alone together.

He's a parent, he's really involved with his entire family, active in his church, etc. Any time I'm with him there is a swarm of people, and it makes me really uncomfortable to never have any time to myself anymore. I'm constantly in social situations, when I'm at work, and when I'm off work trying to relax with him. His life is not going to change, and neither is my Asperger's. Being around all these people all the time is overwhelming and exhausting to me. I've been having meltdowns, panic attacks, and wanting to relapse into my drinking. I've been sober almost 6 months, but drinking is something that numbs me when I get overwhelmed like this.

So I had to try and explain this to him, but I don't think he understands. I think he is taking it personal that I want a break from him like this. And I'm just so sad. I feel like nobody understands what I go through. I don't know how I can tell him how I feel in a way he'll comprehend, he's an NT. I don't know what to do.

Get an official diagnosis, your psychiatrist/doctor/witchdoctor/whatever will do it for you (the explanation to your man).

And nice FB photos, gorgeous (oops...).

I do not have health insurance.. and I do not need a diagnosis to save my relationship. I need advice on how to communicate and compromise with my boyfriend about these issues. If anyone has had similar experiences and worked through them, I'd appreciate some tips. Thanks for the kind words on my pictures, though.

You could always try explaining it to him in a note or a letter... I always found it easier to express things in writing than vocally, personally.
Maybe you can explain that it is not time with him that is causing you distress, but rather that you do not deal well with groups of people and need to have a rest from it sometimes.

Yes, that's exactly it, his lifestyle is toxic to me. I originally texted him, because I'm a writer and it's easier for me to deal with the written word when I can really think about what I'm saying.

I explained to him that my alcohol abuse was likely to come back if I keep having to be in all these social situations, because they are overwhelming to me & alcohol is what numbs me when I get like that. He said he doesn't see why I have to take a break from him instead of just not going with him when he's going to be doing something that'll put me in an uncomfortable situation.. but it's EVERY SINGLE DAY. I couldn't get a free moment with him if my life depended on it.

Last weekend we spent the entire weekend with his daughters for Father's Day, which was fine. We even went to his church picnic (where he left me alone 3 times, and I had to explain to him once again that I go into panic mode when I'm surrounded by strangers without my "designated talker" by my side). Then I treated him and the girls to dinner at a restaurant they all like. So I had suggested that this weekend when he doesn't have the girls we go to the movies together, my treat, also part of my Father's Day gift to him.. and he could pick the movies.

Well.. Saturday we are going to see his daughters in a dance recital, and he asked me if I would be alright going out to dinner with his ex wife (who I have never met yet) and her family afterwards. It makes me feel awkward even having to answer that! And he asked if he could invite friends to the movies.. he invited 4 other people I believe.. and then he said we'd have to leave early, because he's got something going on at the church that night, but I was welcome to come with him. And this is my weekend when I'm supposed to get to relax from the social pressures of my job!

Well he mostly ignored my texts, so I asked him if we could talk in person, or at least over the phone. And he wants to wait to talk until Friday, because he doesn't want to come across as "frustrated and angry" when he's "mostly sad."

I told him we need to talk about this & I need his support. He's supposed to call me later tonight. I really don't feel like he's even trying to put himself in my shoes, though.

I think you have two choices OP. Don't go to any social stations with him. Or end the relationship. He can not grasp that you can not handle his lifestyle with him & he doesn't sound like he's trying to be accommodating at all

Well I just got off the phone with him.. and I think he understands a little better now. The problem is.. either I'm not very good at expressing myself, or he's just insecure/paranoid. Because whenever I say "I can't handle this type of thing in a relationship, we need to work on this" he hears it as me saying "I can't handle being in a relationship with someone like you, we're over." He always thinks I'm trying to break up with him when I'm just trying to talk things out, and then he gets mega defensive instead of putting himself in my shoes.

And I know we do have very different communication styles/world views. I see things very black & white, and I am blunt, and I know the reasoning behind everything I say, think, and feel because I've already analyzed it to death. He sees things in shades of gray and doesn't always know why he is thinking or feeling something, or how to explain it. And as a result.. he often tries to read between the lines of what I am saying. I always have to remind him, no, there isn't any hidden message with me, so stop looking.

I think (and hope) we are going to be able to get through this. I really love him.