So I meet someone on a dating site...

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What on earth is the correct procedure of things after then?

I've been talking to a guy on Ok Cupid for almost 6 months now, and we haven't really gotten anywhere beyond friendship, and talking about him driving up to spend a weekend doing touristy stuff with me around my home town. We haven't really gotten anywhere at all romantically, despite the fact we met on a dating site. In fact I'd say we've gone backwards since he has no time to send me messages anymore (rather we've been sending each other a few SMS's daily).

Anyway, he has never really told me what he is looking for either directly or implicitly. I've been in the friendzone with him since we met and I'm not sure if it's because he's not interested in dating anyone, not interested in dating me, or maybe he's thinking what I'm thinking right now and is growing a little impatient with the time we've wasted, who knows. He's never made any feelings towards me (if any) known at all. Hell, I don't even know his romantic history or even his body type.

Questions:
Is it correct to assume that people join dating sites to primarily find a relationship and put making friends there as merely a secondary goal? (or maybe something like friendship with view to relationship?)
If so, why the hell is he on a dating site if he's only there to make friends? Why doesn't he just log onto his FB or some s**t to do that?
Is it wrong for me to grow impatient/angry when I find my primary objective of getting into a relationship is not being achieved?
Is he just one of those proverbial time wasters that everyone talks about?

You can't say I have hidden intentions with him or that I'm disingenuous, as we met on a dating site. It might be a different story if I met him on a social networking site or even here on WP. When you hit the register button on a dating site signup page you're making your intentions for being there loud and clear; You are looking for something romantic (unless you specifically state otherwise in your profile).
So how on earth did I join a dating site and only end up with friends?? GAH so f*****g frustrated!!

I don't know whether to give him the flick or talk to him about this. Any advice?

Yeah, talk to him. You can do it obliquely if you like; ask him why he signed up to a dating site, what he hopes to get out of it, things like that.

*edit: never mind. good luck blue_bean.

If you want clarification ask for it. You might have completely different ideas of what each others intentions are.

I met an aspie lass off that site awhile back and after our first meeting we had quite an honest conversation of what our intentions were and where we stood with each other. We both had never used these kind of sites before and so we met up thinking "ok what is the whole etique of meeting up on these sites" I was rather anxious the first time i met her and unbeknown to me at the time so was she. But once we ditched the whole "dating" concept and just thought of it as we are "friends" who share similair interests and enjoy spending time with each other it actually made our communication and time spent together so much less constrained and we actually know where we stand with each other.

We spent last monday going around the various parks of London smelling flowers and blossom and taking pictures of ducklings and birds. Before embarking on a drinking session before realising both of us had work in the morning, urgh the next day's recovery was not much fun

Depends, I don't like the feeling of expectation or pressure I'm rather something develops naturally, but i'm quite happy to settle for a platonic friendship with someone who shares similair interests to me. All that matters is we can hold each others attention with interest conversations we both have quite interesting careers we both share similair humour and interests in films, music and books and we both can introduce each other to new things we've never done before.

Sounds like all the ingredients for a decent friendship too. And maybe thats a better outcome then a relationship

Have you talked on the phone?

Do you have access to his FB pages?

How is it that you don't know his body type? Surely you've exchanged pictures?

How is it that your discussing him visiting without having phone conversations at least once every couple days? Am I wrong to think you're not doing that?

I think you are completely right to be frustrated. He needs to show interest or get gone. If his interest has diminished because he sees you as 'made game' then he's a dweeb you needn't fancy. If it's because he sees you as not worth the effort, more's the reason to kick him to the curb. Frankly I don't buy the 'too busy' line, men are notorious for having energy for all sorts of things that fascinate them. If that story is true then he needs to stay in town to meet someone because he obviously doesn't have time for an out of town relationship. If he isn't invested now, when his interest should be piqued, then I'll wager you're setting yourself up for disappointment down the road, when his 'busy-ness' and your frustration become a frightfully unacceptable pattern.

You not only need to take responsibility, you need to take control. First off, he needs to find the time to get to know you by phone prior to visiting. Like I said, no effort now could mean no effort later. I'd also make sure one ground rule you make mandatory is that he does not stay with you when he comes up, the plan needs to be that he reserves a hotel room. Do not let him not get to know you and then turn around and welcome him into your home. Even if you and he spend more time commiserating prior to his visit, he still needs to reserve a hotel room, you can change the plan later if there is reason to do so. You need to push him into doing more work for the prize of knowing and befriending you, don't let him get off easy because being your friend is the foundation upon which any long term relationship will be built. The point I'm making is clear - you aren't a fish that can be reeled in using sonar guided technology and not an ounce of skill - he needs to get to know you or you're both failing to build a RELATIONSHIP.

Ooops, CoalBogey I quoted your posts before you edited it, sorry

Six months of messages and texts?!? Honestly, that doesn't bode well for romance. You guys are going to be tired of each other before you've even met!

He sounds like he lives too far away, and unless one of you has the idea to move to the other person's town at some point in the future, what is the point?

You should look specifically within driving distance of where you live so you can have someone you can meet in person, and someone who you have a chance of seeing on a regular basis. Unless of course, they would consider moving for you or you would consider moving for them.

Oh, and I had a guy a number of years back who would text me and say "We must do lunch" like it was a date, and then when I would suggest something he would act all vague, like I was stalking him or something.

So I never got to meet him for lunch, even though he lived really close. But then I started going out with someone else and he started sending me all these texts wanting to meet up, WTF.

So what I am saying is that life is too short for messing around, if they arent putting any effort into their side of things, then simply ditch them. It is like the Pareto Principle, the 80/20 principle.

You need to find that group of guys who will make the effort, no matter where they live, and identify the ones who will mess you around and not give them any more of your time.

Some updates:

Turns out he has some sweetheart in the US somewhere and he's been saving up for months to go see her (since before we met). He doesn't know I know this yet.

Currently brainstorming the best ways to rip him from a**hole to ear