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GoatOnFire
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06 Jul 2011, 11:05 pm

I'm curious. Sometimes is the line between a friendship and a romantic relationship a little bit blurry?

I'm thinking of a conversation I had with a roommate a couple years ago and he was telling me about a girl he knew and he wasn't sure what the status of his relationship was with her.

I had previously thought that if you were someone's boyfriend/girlfriend/hermaphroditefriend/other you would know for sure.

So basically my question is... how do you know what your relationship is?


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pree10shun
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06 Jul 2011, 11:14 pm

communication is important... If there's no communication then its always blurry...

but you can't just rush into a relationship... I think he is not sure where he stands with her and how much of feelings he has for her she returns...

To answer your question yes the line can be blurry but not always..



karenina
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07 Jul 2011, 3:49 am

I think if you were someone's boyfriend/girlfriend/hermaphroditefriend/other you would know. Attaching those labels generally seems to involve a discussion about it.

Somewhere between being friends and being in a relationship there is a fuzzy stage... almost a transition stage between the two states. With my boyfriend and I we spent a lot of time "hanging out as friends" just the two of us. We'd run into eachother unexpectedly and end up sitting about in parks until 2am. It wasn't until a few days after we ended up kissing that we sat down and discussed what was actually going on and attached the labels.



GoatOnFire
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09 Jul 2011, 6:49 pm

Ha, this is what I get for trying to post something more serious than I usually would. 2 replies.

Ok let me see if I can think of another instance where the line seemed blurry. I have known some people that seem extremely physically friendly with another person in particular so I think they are an item but they claim not to be. They'll even grope each other but act like it's a big joke. I would find that very confusing, I didn't think friends joked around like that. It seems to me the line between joking and flirting can be very unclear.

pree10shun wrote:
communication is important... If there's no communication then its always blurry...

May very well be the case in this instance then, there was a bit of a language barrier between the two people in question.
pree10shun wrote:
To answer your question yes the line can be blurry but not always..

Ok, so the answer is yes, it is possible for relationship status to be blurry.

karenina wrote:
I think if you were someone's boyfriend/girlfriend/hermaphroditefriend/other you would know.

I think you assume too much. I'm pretty dense when it comes to anything like this. :P
karenina wrote:
Somewhere between being friends and being in a relationship there is a fuzzy stage... almost a transition stage between the two states. With my boyfriend and I we spent a lot of time "hanging out as friends" just the two of us. We'd run into eachother unexpectedly and end up sitting about in parks until 2am. It wasn't until a few days after we ended up kissing that we sat down and discussed what was actually going on and attached the labels.

Ok, so it does sound like in that instance there is a fuzzy stage. But I'm not so sure every relationship follows the same phases every time. During that fuzzy stage would you say you weren't really sure how it was?


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hyperlexian
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09 Jul 2011, 8:24 pm

by the time i end up in a relationship, i have talked everything to death as i tend to misunderstand things greatly. i don't see how a person can know the relationship status without communication.


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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09 Jul 2011, 9:58 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
by the time i end up in a relationship, i have talked everything to death as i tend to misunderstand things greatly. i don't see how a person can know the relationship status without communication.


This.^^

If you are unsure of where you stand with a friend, then ask. The line can blur rather easily, and sometimes we can misread things.


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cdfox7
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09 Jul 2011, 11:28 pm

GoatOnFire wrote:
So basically my question is... how do you know what your relationship is?


Am curious to know that myself as I do know that relationships can change while makes its hard to guess IMO.
BTW am curious to know if Tom Hicks Sr. & Jr. asked themselves that same question with there relationship to the supporters of Liverpool football club? As we Koppites make it perfect clear to them to f**k off!! !



quietbird
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10 Jul 2011, 2:40 am

For me, in the beginning, it's always very obvious that we are either in a relationship or at the very least headed in that direction. I've never had a 'friend' turn into something more.

The line tends to get blurred at the end of the relationship, though. The spark dies off, we get along well enough, and I start to wonder "wait a minute, just what *is* the difference between a [girl/boy]friend and a friend?"

To date, the very best definition I have ever found is this:

If you don't bother talking/calling/visiting/texting/chatting to a friend for a few days, it's no big deal; if you do the same with someone you're in a relationship with (in most circumstances, other things being equal, etc.) it's a cause for concern.



blueroses
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10 Jul 2011, 10:19 am

A term I've heard used for these types of ambiguous relationships/situations is a 'platonic romance.' Personally, I've found myself in a number of these. Twice I've gotten lucky and we successfully made the jump from friends to awesome long-term relationship, but a number of times it ended up just being painful and emotionally-draining. I think I might just have myself and my poor ability to read social cues to blame, though.



oddness
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10 Jul 2011, 2:27 pm

I can confirm there is a blurry bit there between friend and relationship, as I am in that blurry bit right now.
I think the fuzzy stage is where you are really good friends and have physical contact ie touching during conversation or hugging occasionally but havent done things only people in a relationship do ie kissing..

I think the confusion comes from different people having different views of personal space and what is acceptable behaviour. For example I have women friends who find it natural to hug men or massage their shoulders when they barely know them. I think this is stuff that you would have to be in a relationship a man to do it to him, but they seem to think it shows you are being friendly or that you like them.

So I think it is blurry because you are doing things to each other which close friends or boyfriend and girlfriend would do to each other. But you dont know if the other person wishes you to go further and say kiss them which would turn it into a relationship.
I think you have to either ask outright do you want to be my boyfriend or just kiss them and use their reaction to work out whether they wanted to do that kind of thing with you or not. Both of which can be a bit awkward if you have read the signal wrong and they thought that they were just being a good friend.