I recently met this man and kinda fell head over heels at first sight. That was fun. I could tell almost right away that he was an Aspie. He had all the most classic signs of it. He'd been fired from multiple jobs for being "shy" and no longer works at all. He found it hard to have conversations with more than one person at a time. He needs lots of time alone. He is guileless, honest to a fault, and deeply sensitive. He takes a long time to warm up to people. He has flat tone of voice and facial expression. In other words, obviously an Aspie.
But the thing is, he has no idea of it! He's barely even heard of Aspergers and isn't sure what it means. I told him that I thought he was definitely an Aspie but that he should wait till his mood stabilized before exploring this issue. Because he's been prone to frequent depression because of all the job-firings and so on that he's been through, and he happens to be in the middle of one of his depressed episodes right now when we've just met. Even new-relationship energy hasn't been enough to snap him out of it, and his antidepressants only sort-of work.
So we're in a weird holding-pattern where he says he can't see me again just yet, because, as he explains it, he doesn't want to burden me with his depression and wants to be in the right frame of mind when he takes me out again -- because I'm too good for him, he says. He says he wants our "first time" to be perfect and won't give me any less than his 100%. So he stays away from me for my own protection, according to him. I feel this is silly because I'd love him for himself, but whatever, that's the way he feels and I can't convince him otherwise.
Okay, I do understand his reasons, but this is very hard for me. I really want the guy in a bad way, and I am beginning to feel rejected because of his refusal to see me again. He is very good about coming online to text me every single day, and he sends me personalized e-greeting cards thanking me over and over again for being patient and understanding with him. He reassures me in every note that he does want to see me very much and that this will happen soon....soon...
It's just getting really frustrating. He has explained to me that he takes a long time to get to know someone new, and that he doesn't feel quite ready yet to take things further until he's regained his mood's stability. He can tell I'm getting frustrated, even though I try not to let it show, so I think he is pushing himself to make a date with me tomorrow, sooner than he really feels comfortable doing, or perhaps he won't be able to handle it or it will make his depression worse. I think he's afraid I'll slip through his fingers if he stalls on seeing me for any longer, even though that's not true and I'd wait. But since I'm supposedly "too good for him," he doesn't believe I'd wait (or that he's worth waiting for, for that matter).
Then again, I can make our meeting easier for him by taking him to a very quiet and serene lakeshore bank beneath a weeping willow tree, and simply sharing affection with him without talking too much. I can bring his favourite food, strawberries. Maybe this doesn't have to be as hard as he's afraid it will be. Maybe seeing me will dispell some fears and help him not feel so depressed. I'm sure the fear that I'll leave him if he doesn't see me can't be a good feeling. I think he's got anxiety disorder too and this issue must be adding to it.
Any thoughts on this?
01 Jul 2011, 1:46 am
