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birdsandbugs
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03 May 2011, 7:20 pm

Hey guys. So I'm not sure of I am Asperger's or something related but I do know that I am shy and nervous as hell, especially when it comes to dating. I will be 32 in a couple of weeks and practically all of my classmates, family, friends (who live away from me), co-workers and peers in general are all paired off, have families of their own or have had at least some form of sexual relation with someone in the past. There are people that I thought would NEVER pair up but somehow they did. I am feeling very lonely and left out but at the same time don't think I can handle women or any related responsibilities. I still live with and help out my mother, and that can be frustrating sometimes. It seems everyday there is something to remind me why pairing would be a bad idea for me, especially since I generally keep to myself and like to do my own things. Yet since I am "cursed" with being human, I still want sex! It just doesn't seem fair that everyone else seems to get it and I don't. Everyone seems to have lots of sex as teens and in college but I have already lost those years. Also, it seems like sexual or paired "propaganda" is everywhere and anytime I see or hear about couples, pregnant women or anything related, I get angry and depressed. It just seems like couples and familes get all the breaks and attention in this world and people like me get left in the dust. Yet I just don't think I could handle being with a partner, no matter how nice it would be. So should I just stay single or should I try to get a girlfriend? And since I am a guy, does that mean I have to be proactive and make moves (yet I don't think I'm good enough to do that) or should I just keeping waiting for "the one"?



Nim
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03 May 2011, 7:26 pm

Forget about disney movies. Just close your eyes... think yes or no. If the answers yes, then go out there and make a total fool of yourself. And surely you will find your true love.

I close my eyes, but I always think no.. at least for now. :lol:



roadGames
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03 May 2011, 7:31 pm

Nim wrote:
Forget about disney movies. Just close your eyes... think yes or no. If the answers yes, then go out there and make a total fool of yourself. And surely you will find your true love.

I close my eyes, but I always think no.. at least for now. :lol:


just go out there and be foolish. don't lay your heart on the tracks and don't invest in girls you aren't sure like you.



bucephalus
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03 May 2011, 7:34 pm

So you feel lonely and sexually frustrated but you don't want a girlfriend and you do don't think you are good enough to make moves. the amount of negatives appear to contradict themselves slightly. I think you need to break down this task into stages. If you are busy helping out your mother then you probably have enough on your plate. Maybe you should take a break and get out more, perhaps some evening classes or something. I'm making assumptions here so please stop me:$


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MountainLaurel
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03 May 2011, 9:46 pm

BirdsandBugs, hi. You are worried about your marital status conceptually.

But a girlfriend is a specific female human being.

Is there a specific woman you would like to spend your leisure time with? And if so, do you want that enough to persue her?

(Yes, you'd have to be proactive. Otherwise you would end up with a pseudo mommy; a woman who persues you and then tries like hell to recreate you, whom you would soon resent and rebel against.)

When considering courtship, sex and marriage, get out of the conceptual relm and think in concrete terms, only:
Who am I attracted to? What do I like about her?
How will I start a conversation with her?
How does she react to me? What did I hear or see that portrays her reaction to me? Can I use all my senses in her presence in order to read her or do I shut down?

Do this and you will have your answer. Anything else is just spinning your wheels.



LikeGreenAndBlue
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04 May 2011, 9:37 am

I think I am in the same situation as you, if not worse off financially speaking. I cannot attract women to whom I feel a reciprocal sexual attraction to.

You know love is a two-way street. You have to be attracted to your partner the same way that she is attracted to you. It doesn't work otherwise in my opinion.

And regardless of what many people say, I believe that looks and physical appearence matter more than many people are willing to admit. That means that women are equally as shallow as men.

So my advice is do everything you can to improve your health and physical appearance so that you no longer will have to feel ashamed of your body. Get a good job, eat healthy food and excercize and then simply let nature take its course.



Last edited by LikeGreenAndBlue on 04 May 2011, 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

RightGalaxy
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04 May 2011, 11:24 am

If you just want sex, tis better to pay for it. Go far from home. Don't let nobody see you.
To find a spouse: Join a charatible organization and do volunteer work.
Especially tell elder female individuals that you are available - volunteer at a bingo club! Old ladies love to find lovely girls for single young guys - there are plenty of grandaughters, nieces, etc...
You'll have your hands full!! ! Just put on the pout around the old ladies and exclaim "how terribly lonely you are". Especially say, "I can't seem to meet a nice girl." I guarantee you'll be married in less than two years unless you have six legs and two heads.
A tip about old ladies: Because they're old, their competitive spirit comes out by them using their young female relatives to compete with each other. So, they're really going to try to win!!
Filter the young girls out over coffee - it's cheaper. Spend the real money only on the ones that seem interested and who you like right back. If you don't, you'll be broke. Girls don't like guys that are broke. Old ladies hate them even more!! ! I had a ball doing this!! A lot of dates from old ladies's single grandsons!! ! Lots of fun! BUT I met my husband by riding a bus to work. I received two marriage proposals from the grandsons but accepted neither. I wasn't ready to settle down because of all the attention and possibilities of having better. Hubby turned out to be the best choice! I'm not making fun of the old ladies - they did me a BIG favor! For once I had fun and felt as good as every other girl. Social people don't suffer as much as we do, so, we really have to push ourselves. Some people are willing to provide you with all this because it makes them feel young again. It makes them happy.



hyperlexian
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04 May 2011, 1:31 pm

MountainLaurel wrote:
BirdsandBugs, hi. You are worried about your marital status conceptually.

But a girlfriend is a specific female human being.

Is there a specific woman you would like to spend your leisure time with? And if so, do you want that enough to persue her?

(Yes, you'd have to be proactive. Otherwise you would end up with a pseudo mommy; a woman who persues you and then tries like hell to recreate you, whom you would soon resent and rebel against.)

When considering courtship, sex and marriage, get out of the conceptual relm and think in concrete terms, only:
Who am I attracted to? What do I like about her?
How will I start a conversation with her?
How does she react to me? What did I hear or see that portrays her reaction to me? Can I use all my senses in her presence in order to read her or do I shut down?

Do this and you will have your answer. Anything else is just spinning your wheels.

this is seriously good advice. it reminds us that a girlfriend or a boyfriend is not a thing, but a person. i think it's important to work towards being with a specific person as opposed to working towards assuaging loneliness or sexual desires if the goal is to enter a relationship.


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hale_bopp
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01 Jul 2011, 10:21 am

birdsandbugs wrote:
I still live with and help out my mother, and that can be frustrating sometimes.


This is likely a problem.

Quote:
Everyone seems to have lots of sex as teens and in college but I have already lost those years.


The key word is "seems" because it's not true.

Quote:
Yet I just don't think I could handle being with a partner, no matter how nice it would be.


Then why try to get one? Don't do it for society, do it for you.

Quote:
So should I just stay single or should I try to get a girlfriend? And since I am a guy, does that mean I have to be proactive and make moves (yet I don't think I'm good enough to do that) or should I just keeping waiting for "the one"?


My advice would be to pay for sex. You don't seem overly keen on relationships yet you still want sex.