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There's a girl who works at the movie theatre I really dig and want to get to know better. But I don't have any other way of seeing her other than going to the theatre. I'd like to see if she wants to check out the art shows at First Friday, but I don't know if I wanna bother. Why should I bother paying 5 bucks to see a movie I don't really care about just to "bump" into her (and she might not even be there, I don't know when she works). I've been through this scenario so so many times before, I can already see how it plays out. If I ask, she'll either be busy, or wind up dating some other f****r. And if I defy the odds and get her to say yes, I'll just get shut down after the first outing, because that's all it takes to discover there is something weird about me, no matter how much I try to be normal and outgoing and smiling and the kind of person a girl could want. s**t, maybe I should say, "By the way I act weird because I have aspergers." Of course then she'll run for the hills thinking I'm mentally ill because that's what people think. Either way, I'm worthless, and women see right through me.

I'd sell my soul for a girlfriend. I just f*****g want someone who'll like me and find me attractive. I want to believe the next time I try could be the one, but having failed so many times, having never been told I'm attractive or loveable in any way, I just don't think I am.

f**k the movie. I'm not gonna do it. She'll say no, I know it, and I'll be humiliated, and I'm just sick of all the heartache for f*****g love. f**k LOVE GOD f**k IT!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!!1

Hi Mr. Sodini!

Chill the f**k out. It is tail. That is all it is. Everything else is window dressing.

Brian, this is what you do.

(1) Go to the movie theatre. You don't need to buy a ticket for the movie. You're there to see her.
(2) Say hello to her and introduce yourself.
(3) Tell her that you're thinking of going to this First Fridays thing (I'm afraid I have no idea what this is!) and that you thought she might like to see it too.
(4a) If she says yes, take her to the art shows. Be on your best behaviour and go as friends, not as a date, unless she makes that move for you. This is your chance to find out what she thinks of you, let her get to know about you, figure out if a relationship is at all practical.
(4b) If she says no, this can be for one of two reasons - she can't go, or she won't go. The former is simply down to timing; she can't go on Friday, because she has other commitments. Give her your number. Say you'd like to go out some time, let her arrange it. If she's interested, she'll get back to you. If she's not, she simply won't call. You can move on.

Dating is a complicated ritual that most NTs struggle with. Take your time and take a few risks - with practice, you'll start to figure out the steps to the mating dance, though you'll stub your metaphorical toes more than a few times.

^On what basis would you propose to waltz up to a total stranger whom you've never exchanged two words with and ask them to accompany you somewhere? Maybe people are different here, but I'd think such an individual would be considered drunk if not slightly-deranged.

"Why yes, I'd love to commit to spending hours on end with you as a tentative testing of the waters of a potential relationship between us. What's your name?"

I was under the impression they'd seen each other on numerous occasions, even if they haven't spoken too much. Certainly the first step would be to exchange names and establish basic details and personality types.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ricky, go f**k yourself with that Sodini BS. He is he, and I am I, and we're not the same at all. Sheesh, I feel guilty when I kill a bug. I could never hurt anyone. I think I'm here to do a lot of good, but I just get frustrated by the loneliness. I'm so goddam sick of having to be alone. I'm sick of the fear and the heartache, and of how difficult it all must be.

What is so wrong about wanting companionship? I've filmed so many weddings this summer and I see people so in love, and so many couples, and all that is alien to me. I've never known anyone who thought I was attractive, never had a friend who said, "so-and-so thinks you're cute" and I just don't even know what it feels like to be wanted, desired, attractive.

And I see all these women I'd like to know, and they feel totally apart from me. Like this girl at the theatre. I've chatted with her before, and she was so nice and interesting, but damned if I know if she's into me, or just being nice. I just want to get to know SOMEBODY, and i just wish the rules werent' so complicated.

I just wanna walk up to her in the theatre and say, "I'd like to get to know you better, wanna meet up sometime when you're not working," yet i know doing that will break some f*****g invisible rule or something, and I'll blow it again.

I just want someone.

Also, i know the girl's name and I talked to her for a while once at the theater. She seemed really nice and maybe into me. I don't know. I just haven't been able to make it to the theatre lately, and when I do, I miss her on her shift. I've gotta do something.

It's probably suicided, but I'm writing her a message on facebook now. Gonna be up front about how I haven't caught her at the theatre, but I like her and I'm a bit shy, and would like to get to know her, and if she'd want to do coffee or something.

I'm just too afraid to ask her in person, and if she's weirded out by being asked out via facebook, so be it. I'm just too big of a f*****g wimp to ask out in person, yet dammit, I'm so sick of being alone, and I just want someone, anyone, desperately. I hate myself so much that I don't have someone, that I'm always eating alone and sleeping alone, and I'd sell my soul for a girl for even a few weeks of companionship.

And if anyone says I should get a prostitue, they can go f**k themselves sideways because it's not about sex you monosyllabic cretins. It's about being wanted and desired and found to be attractive and enjoyable. I need someone who wants me. I desperately need this, so I'm gonna try, and keep trying. At least a little while longer, and if I still can't find someone, clearly I'm a loser, and it's time to start thinking of ways to end my life.

I wish you luck. This sounds like an excellent approach, and you have a good chance of a positive response. Whether that leads to anything more than a coffee with a friend is anybody's guess, but that's a heck of a lot more than you have so far. Don't knock it! I think your biggest problem is your negativity - you're almost giving up before you start.



I've been there. I went through a very dark time when I was about 20 - I had no clue how to meet anyone. Eventually I developed a huge crush on someone, discovered they had a boyfriend, ended up crying on someone else's shoulder and somehow ended up in bed with them. It wasn't a good relationship for either of us with hindsight but it was the shot in the arm I needed to realise I could find another one.

The paradox is that, when you're lonely, it's like there's a big flashing neon light on your head spelling out "DESPERATE". It repels people. Your best hope of finding companionship is when you stop looking. Be a good person, spend time with friends, keep busy. And keep trying. You'll get rejected over and over, but eventually you'll find someone that takes a risk. It might not last long. It might be terrible. But every time you'll get a little closer, learn a little more.



There are so, so many reasons not to go with a prostitute. I can't think of any good reasons why you should.



You are NOT a loser. You're a little behind most people in social matters - this is certainly having an impact - but it's far from impossible for you to find someone. It just takes a while, and a bit of practice, and a thick skin. You might seem a bit weird (that's autism for you!) but some girls will actually find that endearing.

You have some big self-esteem issues and a general lack of confidence. You can work on those. Your mission for now is simple - when this girl replies (not if!), you will take her out, you will have fun, you will have a good time. Put aside all thoughts of relationships. At the end of this date, you will arrange another one.

Beyond that, see what happens.