Friend wants to fix me up with a guy...

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Okay, my friend is trying to set me up with this guy. He seems really nice. He's asked me out to dinner already but I declined on account that I don't know him very well and that I need to discuss it with my mother first. I would just go without telling her but that's impossible seeing as she's f*****g nosy. I want to schedule a date but I'm afraid of having to cancel at the last minute because my mom will probably freak out. He's a law student. My mom has a low opinion of lawyers, saying they're egotists and liars so I'm afraid to talk to her about it. I'm not even sure if I am ready to date right now but I'm afraid this opportunity will pass me by and I'll miss out on the potential of meeting a really good person. I don't know. He would also have to be the one to pick me up if we went anywhere since apparently the pizza shop i can walk to isn't a suitable place, according to my mom. My friend says she knows him well and that he's a good person, and I trust her but I don't think my mom does. I don't think I can wait until I move out (if I ever can) to meet someone. I'd die of loneliness before that would happen. I don't know what to do. Thoughts, suggestions? >.<

P.S. I didn't really "decline" I just told him that I had to think about it first. Just wanted to make sure in case it wasn't clear. D:

Just woman-up and go out with him!

It's just dinner/movie/etc, not a life-defining event...

Just because you live with your mother does not give her the right to treat you like a child, and it's probably up to you to get this point across to her.

i dont think anyonewill say it better than that

Agreed.

I know. I just can't bring myself to talk about it with her. I'll start thinking about what I'll say and I get choked up. I don't want grandma to know either because she'd freak out more because you're only supposed to meet men in church. :/

My mom just uses the argument that I'll get raped or kidnapped or something horrible. "You can't go in the car with someone you haven't met!" But my friend knows him and I trust her. I hate talking to her about my needs because she gets all upset, "Why do you want everything to happen at once!" That comment confuses me. I don't expect everything to happen at once but I can at least try to be successful and stuff. I swear, one minute she'll be like, "awww, you would look so pretty in a wedding dress" and then she'd be like, "Men are pigs! He'd leave you as soon as he found someone thinner!" I think she's bipolar and isn't diagnosed. >.<

see above. don't see why she needs to know what you are doing or who you are going with.

Erisad go out but only if you want to. Don't deny yourself a life just because your mom can't find joy in it anymore. If I let my mom have her way I would've been in a convent and my brother a priest.

oops, double post.

Because she's nosy and won't let me leave until she knows. She does it, "for my safety and so I can sleep at night." I never know how to start the conversation because if I immediately start with, "hey, this friend of [insert friend's name here] wants to meet me for dinner" she'd assault me with a million questions about what he does, what are his parents like and it's very frustrating. She gives me grief over everything. She's very overbearing and since she makes the most money in our house, she makes the rules. Although I question why my brother can go out and do whatever he wants without her saying too much. :/

The thing is...I don't even know if I want to go. I probably would be more excited about it if I didn't have to jump through so many hoops just to be allowed out of the house. D:

theres no hoops to jump through. It sounds as though you're just building up excuses not to go from your own fears.


*says the guy with the same problems*

I would agree, except for the fact that the last time I tried to set up a date with someone my mom was the one who freaked out until I canceled just to shut her up. >.<

It seems as though you've convinced yourself, even before posting, that you're not going to go out with this guy, and nothing posted here will change your mind. It begs the question: Why did you post?

To me it seems you have a larger problem than whether to go out with a guy..any guy for that matter. It seems you've got an overbearing mother (perhaps oversensitive to your AS?) with whom you need to sit down and have a conversation, and adult conversation, about your life, about how you need to grow and be responsible for your own life.

I don't know. I guess I wanted to know how I would start that conversation with her. >.<

Sry, that sounded more harsh than I intended.

I would say that first of all you approach her when you both are in good spirits. Perhaps there's something that both of you like to do together like have hot chocolate on a Friday night while playing Monopoly or something. The key is to find a non-threatening, relaxed atmosphere. And also a 'neutral' space -- by this I mean a place where neither has perceived power over the other (ie the boss's office, or for an old fashioned family, the wife in her kitchen, the husband in his den). I don't know where that would be for you.

Then you just kinda say something like "You know Mom, I've been thinking about my life and how to grow as an adult with AS. I need my space to make decisions, make mistakes, get hurt, or ask for help."

The fact that she gives your brother free reign tells me she is being protective of her daughter with AS, obviously because she loves you and doesn't want to see you hurt. But getting hurt, making mistakes, and failing is how we learn and grow. I think she needs to be reminded of that.

that's my two cents! Again, sorry if I sounded a bit harsh in my earlier post.

Um...we don't really have a neutral zone. She always has more power over me no matter where we are. I could try to talk to her at some point. >.<