Do you agree with this or not really?

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Jamesy
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06 Jul 2011, 4:58 pm

I may sound like a hypocrite when saying this becuase i am losing my hair on my head LOL maybe thats why i have not had much luck with women?

Can i apologise in advance for upsetting any females on this part of the site when posting this thread. well here it goes.... in my opinion although females with aspergers do not by any means have it easy in the dating world i think for men in particular it is esspecially hard too find an intimiate relationship and succeed because in general soceity has a different set of expectations for both men and women in general.

aspie behaviour such as
looking away/lack of eye contact
lacking iniative
being silly
not starting conversations

the list of aspie behaviour above does not matter if your female becuase guys will come up and start talking too you but this will not happen a lot of the time if your male. in social situations girls never come up and start talking too me because they expect you to go up and start talking too them first. Even if they did talk to me they would just say things too me like "Why are you looking so sad" "why are you looking so angry". You get me? it does not make a difference even if i do not want them too talk too me they never approach anyway.


I hate to say this but social and communication skills matter a hell of a lot more if your male. i also understand that neither me nor anyone else can get society too change its old values on the male and female role in mating but you have to realise at the same time that establishing a relationship with a female takes so much more than just apporoachng them and talking too them becuase men are expected too do all the initiating. You see what i mean about society making it near impossible for aspie guys to succeed cause it is so inflexible?

do you agree with what i have typed or not?



CaroleTucson
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06 Jul 2011, 5:24 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Even if they did talk to me they would just say things too me like "Why are you looking so sad" "why are you looking so angry".

do you agree with what i have typed or not?


I think there's some truth in what you say.

However, if enough people asked me "why I look so angry", I'd start to wonder the same thing myself. I'd practice in front of a mirror or with a friend to figure out how not to look angry.



Jamesy
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06 Jul 2011, 5:43 pm

Whats funny is that if a girl looks angry or sad a guy might playfully flirt with them and tease them. if your a guy and look angry/sad girls will just freak out and brand you a creepy weirdo. Sucks so much being a guy sometimes you would not belive it :(



MollyTroubletail
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06 Jul 2011, 6:25 pm

I'm sorry to say that I agree with you 100% Jamesy. It's way easier for most women to get dates than for most men, even for a woman who's lacking social skills.

I got numerous dates all my life due to nothing but being a female.....because I certainly did not have any social skills to speak of. I could go into a crowd of random people and get a date within 15 minutes, every time.



Jamesy
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06 Jul 2011, 6:43 pm

Why do you think its a lot easier for women?



MXH
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06 Jul 2011, 6:46 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Why do you think its a lot easier for women?

that was sarcasm buddy



Jamesy
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06 Jul 2011, 6:52 pm

Ok that was a stupid question :)


Soceity in general is very rough on the men compared to females sigh :( I just hope society will become more flexible and softer towrads men for future generations maybe not today but i hope someday things will be different.



hyperlexian
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06 Jul 2011, 7:18 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Ok that was a stupid question :)


Soceity in general is very rough on the men compared to females sigh :( I just hope society will become more flexible and softer towrads men for future generations maybe not today but i hope someday things will be different.

how is it harder on men than women if an equal number of men and women will never marry? women have it hard too - some women are never approached for dates, which is just another form of rejection.

MollyTroubleTail, i completely did not catch that as a joke, and i was like, "whuuuuuuuut? i have never had a man just ask me out like that!" LOL!! ! but for real, if i wanted an actual date, nine out of ten times i was hustling for it myself, either bluntly or by artful arrangement (and getting rejected most of the time).


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Jamesy
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06 Jul 2011, 8:02 pm

OH s**t KNOW I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT MOLLY WAS JUST PULLING MY LEG ABOVE :oops: S



Last edited by Jamesy on 06 Jul 2011, 8:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hyperlexian
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06 Jul 2011, 8:07 pm

EDIT: 'sokay Jamesy, i thought she was serious at first, too.


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Jamesy
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06 Jul 2011, 8:09 pm

sorry hyperlexian i just go the joke above LOL my bad.



Erisad
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06 Jul 2011, 8:43 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
how is it harder on men than women if an equal number of men and women will never marry? women have it hard too - some women are never approached for dates, which is just another form of rejection.


Or some of us are only approached by men on the internet. :/



spongy
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07 Jul 2011, 2:23 am

I dont think that females have it much easier.

Sure males are expected to do the first approach but after that females are also expected to behave a certain way and those with as may have some trouble doing so.

For example a couple of months ago I saw a good looking female at my university and I mentioned it to a friend that was near me, he just laughed and told me that I wouldnt want to go on a date with her. Upon further questioning he introduced me to her(we had some friends in common) to let me see what he meant by myself.
This girl was self-centred(and didnt do an effort hiding it), she had issues keeping a conversation going and was too serious/unable to let herself go at any time. Just so you have an idea we had some friends in common and whenever we were meeting the only condition they asked for was that none of us invited her along because we all had a hard time around her.

Whenever we run into each other she starts complaining about her bad experiences dating and she has been known for trying to
invite herself to whatever meeting we are doing soon because she has no one else to turn to.

Having seen this I can say that females can have a hard time just as easily as males if they arent conforming the social norms.



Chronos
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07 Jul 2011, 3:22 am

Jamesy wrote:
the list of aspie behaviour above does not matter if your female becuase guys will come up and start talking too you


This is not true! How many times do I have to say that? It doesn't happen nearly as much as you think.

Most girls and women don't get approached by guys they don't know left and right. If an average girl or woman just sat there by herself in a crowded public place, the odds that a man would approach her during the course of a year are actually very slim. The odds that a man who does approach her is too old for her or has bad intentions is high.

The few girls and women who do frequently get approached out of the blue by strangers, and who are not prostitutes, are usually exceptionally pretty women who frequent bars and night clubs, and get approached in those places only, by guys who generally just want a one night stands.

Sex, and no attachment sex, might be a high priority for a man but it generally isn't for a woman. A woman's top priority is usually an in depth, monogamous relationship with someone who she connects with on a deep emotional level.

Now consider a woman with AS. She has most of the same social problems as a man with AS. Most of the things you have a problem with, she has that same problem with.

In addition, she has other problems. You, as a man, generally have to start the relationship. That takes a moment or so of courage and a dash of charisma. But women have to maintain the relationship, specifically, the emotional connections, and that is a feat short of a miracle for someone with AS. It is an ongoing process and requires things that most women with AS severely lack.


Jamesy wrote:
I hate to say this but social and communication skills matter a hell of a lot more if your male.


For the reasons stated above, this is not true. You are simply completely blind to the social and relationship burdens women have to carry, and the priorities women have in relationships, and how they differ from priorities men have in relationships.


Jamesy wrote:
i also understand that neither me nor anyone else can get society too change its old values on the male and female role in mating but you have to realise at the same time that establishing a relationship with a female takes so much more than just apporoachng them and talking too them becuase men are expected too do all the initiating. You see what i mean about society making it near impossible for aspie guys to succeed cause it is so inflexible?

do you agree with what i have typed or not?


No I don't agree at all.



MollyTroubletail
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07 Jul 2011, 6:16 am

MollyTroubletail wrote:
I'm sorry to say that I agree with you 100% Jamesy. It's way easier for most women to get dates than for most men, even for a woman who's lacking social skills.

I got numerous dates all my life due to nothing but being a female.....because I certainly did not have any social skills to speak of. I could go into a crowd of random people and get a date within 15 minutes, every time.


Jamesy wrote:
OH sh** KNOW I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT MOLLY WAS JUST PULLING MY LEG ABOVE :oops: S


Epic misunderstanding :(

I was absolutely serious and it was not a joke at all. I can go into any random library, mall or grocery store, and come out with a date.

It's not so much that men ask me out. They mostly do not approach me unless I want them to. It's just that I know how to entice men, seduce them, pique their interest, make their cock hard, simply by sitting down next to them and talking to them for ten minutes.

What I am saying is, men are consumers of sex, whether that is real sex, paid-for sex, pornography, or even just the feeling of a beautiful woman sitting down next to them, eyeing them with a mysterious little smile for a moment, and then softly saying, "You have very sensual lips" in a sultry near-whisper. You do that to almost any man, and bingo, you've got a date within 15 minutes.

You turn a man on, and he'll date you no problem. It is just that pure and simple. And believe me, it's easy to turn men on. Hair, makeup, cleavage, ass, and sexy shoes. That's it. It's the secret recipe.



mv
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07 Jul 2011, 6:36 am

MollyTroubletail wrote:
MollyTroubletail wrote:
I'm sorry to say that I agree with you 100% Jamesy. It's way easier for most women to get dates than for most men, even for a woman who's lacking social skills.

I got numerous dates all my life due to nothing but being a female.....because I certainly did not have any social skills to speak of. I could go into a crowd of random people and get a date within 15 minutes, every time.


Jamesy wrote:
OH sh** KNOW I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT MOLLY WAS JUST PULLING MY LEG ABOVE :oops: S


Epic misunderstanding :(

I was absolutely serious and it was not a joke at all. I can go into any random library, mall or grocery store, and come out with a date.

It's not so much that men ask me out. They mostly do not approach me unless I want them to. It's just that I know how to entice men, seduce them, pique their interest, make their cock hard, simply by sitting down next to them and talking to them for ten minutes.

What I am saying is, men are consumers of sex, whether that is real sex, paid-for sex, pornography, or even just the feeling of a beautiful woman sitting down next to them, eyeing them with a mysterious little smile for a moment, and then softly saying, "You have very sensual lips" in a sultry near-whisper. You do that to almost any man, and bingo, you've got a date within 15 minutes.

You turn a man on, and he'll date you no problem. It is just that pure and simple. And believe me, it's easy to turn men on. Hair, makeup, cleavage, ass, and sexy shoes. That's it. It's the secret recipe.


Okay, 1) if you are truly female and being serious, those are not "dates". Those are assignations for cheap, no-frills sex. That's not what a date is, nor is it what most people are looking for. 2) I don't believe you. I think you're a male troll, as you have heavily-masculinized language. I call BS.