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magicbus
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05 Jun 2011, 11:16 am

I'm in high school, and I've never been on a date. Nobody will ask me, and I can't figure out why.

I'm reasonably attractive. Not beautiful, but I'm not ugly either. I don't have bad acne, I'm average weight, I have a full figure, and I'm friendly. Yet boys literally pass right by me without even noticing. They don't even flirt with me. And if I try to talk to them, they don't act interested. If I text, they rarely text back.

I try not to talk about myself; I try to get them to discuss themselves. I try to direct conversation towards them. But nothing seems to work. I can't figure out why they don't go for me. Is it because of my reputation as a nerd? Or am I wrong in some way I can't see? I'm so frustrated.


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Jonsi
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05 Jun 2011, 11:21 am

I've been having the same problem lately. But with women. :P

Honestly, I really think you should wait until after high school. How did you act in earlier years? They could be judging you from that.



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05 Jun 2011, 11:22 am

nobody looked twice at me at school either. though i wasnt all the things you say you are so it was probably more understandable.
i got a little attention in sixth form, but coming from nowhere it seemed weird and i thought they were making fun of me. i still feel that way sometimes.
anyway, schoolboys are very worried about what people think, not to mention inexperienced and nervous. just wait.



magicbus
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05 Jun 2011, 11:31 am

Jonsi wrote:
I've been having the same problem lately. But with women. :P

Honestly, I really think you should wait until after high school. How did you act in earlier years? They could be judging you from that.


Well, in earlier years, I was really awkward and shy, and I wasn't even capable of holding a simple conversation. I've been going to counselling now, and have sort of learned to interact, but it's like nobody understands that.

OneStepBeyond wrote:
anyway, schoolboys are very worried about what people think, not to mention inexperienced and nervous. just wait.


That's true. I guess I should mention that I had one friend at one point last year who seemed romantically interested in me (only one ever!). He used to be really polite, carrying stuff for me and complimenting me. Then he made some new popular friends and now he treats me like I'm the scum of the earth...he broke my heart several times before I realized that I don't need a fake like that. I want something genuine.


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Jonsi
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05 Jun 2011, 11:35 am

That'll be it then. :\ I used to be so shy I couldn't even talk to people. So I'm stuck as being that "rude, creepy loner". D: Thankfully people are starting to see that I've changed.

It might fix itself in time, just have faith and patience. :D

Btw, are you a Who fan?



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05 Jun 2011, 11:43 am

magicbus wrote:
That's true. I guess I should mention that I had one friend at one point last year who seemed romantically interested in me (only one ever!). He used to be really polite, carrying stuff for me and complimenting me. Then he made some new popular friends and now he treats me like I'm the scum of the earth...he broke my heart several times before I realized that I don't need a fake like that. I want something genuine.


a few people probably have a soft spot for you, but at school a lot of people don't admit their crushes openly unless it's on someone perhaps popular who they know their friends will concur over. they don't want to be mocked or teased or face public rejection

just carry on being your friendly self and someone will come along



magicbus
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05 Jun 2011, 11:43 am

Jonsi wrote:
That'll be it then. :\ I used to be so shy I couldn't even talk to people. So I'm stuck as being that "rude, creepy loner". D: Thankfully people are starting to see that I've changed.

It might fix itself in time, just have faith and patience. :D

Btw, are you a Who fan?


LOL, yes I am. ;)


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Jonsi
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05 Jun 2011, 11:48 am

magicbus wrote:
Jonsi wrote:
That'll be it then. :\ I used to be so shy I couldn't even talk to people. So I'm stuck as being that "rude, creepy loner". D: Thankfully people are starting to see that I've changed.

It might fix itself in time, just have faith and patience. :D

Btw, are you a Who fan?


LOL, yes I am. ;)

Edit, sarcasm recognition failure. :P

I bet you'll find a guy in college. That's where a lot of aspies tend to meet their lovers, I find.



Last edited by Jonsi on 05 Jun 2011, 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jun 2011, 12:01 pm

I am a Dr. Who fan, not a Who fan.


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TB
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05 Jun 2011, 12:22 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:
magicbus wrote:
That's true. I guess I should mention that I had one friend at one point last year who seemed romantically interested in me (only one ever!). He used to be really polite, carrying stuff for me and complimenting me. Then he made some new popular friends and now he treats me like I'm the scum of the earth...he broke my heart several times before I realized that I don't need a fake like that. I want something genuine.


a few people probably have a soft spot for you, but at school a lot of people don't admit their crushes openly unless it's on someone perhaps popular who they know their friends will concur over. they don't want to be mocked or teased or face public rejection

just carry on being your friendly self and someone will come along


Its probably this, i can say from experience being an insecure school boy.
If you want to date you should take initiative on asking people out yourself.



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05 Jun 2011, 12:57 pm

magicbus wrote:
I'm in high school, and I've never been on a date. Nobody will ask me, and I can't figure out why.

I'm reasonably attractive. Not beautiful, but I'm not ugly either. I don't have bad acne, I'm average weight, I have a full figure, and I'm friendly. Yet boys literally pass right by me without even noticing. They don't even flirt with me. And if I try to talk to them, they don't act interested. If I text, they rarely text back.

I try not to talk about myself; I try to get them to discuss themselves. I try to direct conversation towards them. But nothing seems to work. I can't figure out why they don't go for me. Is it because of my reputation as a nerd? Or am I wrong in some way I can't see? I'm so frustrated.


People started noticing me when I started making conversation for the sake of making conversation. It could be that you are simply too mature for your age to be noticed by the guys. People have a strong tendency to go for people on their maturity level, because if you are really insecure, you need someone equally insecure to absorb all your insecurities. This is why girls with "daddy issues" (can't think of a better term, sorry) line up for sociopaths, and why super shy nerds lust over the super bitchy cheerleader.



metaphysics
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05 Jun 2011, 1:44 pm

Mindslave wrote:
if you are really insecure, you need someone equally insecure to absorb all your insecurities.


It makes me think about myself.

Quote:
This is why girls with "daddy issues" (can't think of a better term, sorry) line up for sociopaths


I tended to so when I was a child( Probably men tend to do so, not myself? or both? I am curious, Mr. mindslave.)

When I was young(fortunately I am not too old), things was opposite... I feel a little bit envy to you, because it is acually not as good as you think to be notice by people who haven't got the same interest as you.I felt embarrassed by that but have to pretending as polite. They usually misinterpret me, etc, but I have to be nice and considering about them...



WP is probably better than a high school, anyway



TB
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06 Jun 2011, 2:17 am

metaphysics wrote:
Mindslave wrote:
if you are really insecure, you need someone equally insecure to absorb all your insecurities.


It makes me think about myself.

Quote:
This is why girls with "daddy issues" (can't think of a better term, sorry) line up for sociopaths


I tended to so when I was a child( Probably men tend to do so, not myself? or both? I am curious, Mr. mindslave.)

When I was young(fortunately I am not too old), things was opposite... I feel a little bit envy to you, because it is acually not as good as you think to be notice by people who haven't got the same interest as you.I felt embarrassed by that but have to pretending as polite. They usually misinterpret me, etc, but I have to be nice and considering about them...



WP is probably better than a high school, anyway


If you are insecure logically you would need a strong and supportive person to alleviate those insecurities. But in real life what we actually go for is a person who confirms our own self image. If you are insecure you end up with someone who treats you like dirt. This is why people with low self esteem get angry or dont trust you when you try to compliment them, It goes against their beliefs too strongly. A person who sees himself negatively wont be likely to have a friends group that values him highly but rather a group of ''friends'' who goes around confirming each others self image by constantly kicking each others legs out under them.

I think that is what mindslave meant but got lost in translation, because two insecure people Feed (absorb and enhance) on each others insecurities. They reflect it at each other they dont take it away.

Also nerds lust over cheerleaders because they are hot in the first place and secondly because of the tension associated to cheerleaders
The kind of tension when you are anxious of what to say etc this causes increased attraction. And yes stereotipically nerds are anxious to speak to cheerleaders.

Nerds would very well be able to rationalize why a cheerleader is incompatible to them romantically. They do not go for cheerleaders because cheerleaders are on the same level of maturity or insecurity.



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06 Jun 2011, 3:56 am

magicbus wrote:
I'm in high school, and I've never been on a date. Nobody will ask me, and I can't figure out why.

I'm reasonably attractive. Not beautiful, but I'm not ugly either. I don't have bad acne, I'm average weight, I have a full figure, and I'm friendly. Yet boys literally pass right by me without even noticing. They don't even flirt with me. And if I try to talk to them, they don't act interested. If I text, they rarely text back.

I try not to talk about myself; I try to get them to discuss themselves. I try to direct conversation towards them. But nothing seems to work. I can't figure out why they don't go for me. Is it because of my reputation as a nerd? Or am I wrong in some way I can't see? I'm so frustrated.


It might be the way you dress or your mannerisms. Do you differ significantly from other girls in those areas?



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06 Jun 2011, 4:12 am

It's quite common for people to experience nothing in high school. I never got kissed by a guy until two years after my last year.



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06 Jun 2011, 4:29 pm

Don't worry about it, those guys aren't worth bothering about then.


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