Key factors that might influence realtionships

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A few things have inspired this an article I read in a women's holistic health magazine by Andrew. G. Marshall a relationship therapist plus a few things that have happened over the last few weeks and my reflective thinking about them events.

Am going to crowdsource out the research until I get around to doing a bit of research myself.
The following might be key factors that influence relationships, if you find any research into these areas please share them for discussion.

The family

• Dones the relationships our parents have with other have say in our own relationships?
• Do parent child relationships have an impact on our own relationships?
• Do other genealogical factors have a say in our own relationships?

Is attraction based on opposites attract or like attracts like?

Physical and chemical attraction

• Are we drawn to people who look like us?
• Are we attracted to features that we're accustomed to?
• Do the traits of both our parents hold any clues into the traits for partners we looking for?
• Is the selection of a partner a conscious or subconscious choice?
• Do our hormones have a role to play, if so what role do the play in relationships?
• Dones the menstrual cycle have a role in mate preferences?
• Historically and culturally has there been a shift in mate preferences?
• As the Pill had a hand to play in changing preferences?
• Done pheromones have an olfactory impact on relationship choices?

How dones geographical distance have a hand in mate preferences?

Establishing a relationship with anyone must start with identifying common ground. It doesn't matter if it's a simple conversation or whatever, there must be common ground to start from. So of course attraction is based on like attracts like. However, the differences between people are what gets reinforced. I've had friends in the past that have had more in common with me than the friends I currently have, but the differences we had weren't manageable. So attraction starts with common ground, and is retained by the tolerance of your differences.

I've always been attracted to taller blondes and brunettes. Why, I don't know. I'm guessing it's because taller females are going to be more mobile, and mobility and perceived athleticism is a sign of fertility. Something like that. As of now, I'm generally attracted to women that exhibit certain behavioral traits that to me indicate a level of maturity. Looks play a part, but hot babes are a dime a dozen. The selection of a partner SHOULD be subconscious, but it isn't always. Typically the more successful relationships are of the subconscious origins. If you go into a relationship thinking it will be a certain way, well, you are bound to be disappointed, because the odds of it going the way you think it is are slim to none when you consider how many possibilities there are. Mate preferences revolve around survival of both partners, and of course the ability to provide for the baby if there ever is one. Many times, a woman will break up with a guy she really cares about because she doesn't feel that finances will work out, or because he is going to self-destruct on drugs, or other reasons besides the fact that she loves him. It depends on what the needs of both partners are. If you have two people that both don't want a baby, the dynamics surrounding the relationship will change, because now it's mainly about what makes both of them happy, not about predicting an uncertain future. I've found that spring and summer are the mating seasons for people (warm weather...ahhhh) and although I don't know much about this, the "end of the month" period is a factor. Ask someone else about that. As for olfactory, that's more of a girly thing. Men can't smell anything. Women are always wearing their mens clothes (It smells just like you!) and they smell another woman on him...yeah. I think the effect the pill has had is akin to having a bunch of coupons for restaurants lying around when you don't go out to eat much. Weird analogy, but perhaps you get the idea I'm trying to convey. Parent child relationships have a huge impact on future relationships. If someone has parents that smother them, in all likelihood that person will be fiercely codependent, because the norm for him/her is to have things already taken care of for them, versus someone who is generally neglected and forced to fend for themselves, who will be more independent, and as such less likely to be tolerant and patient with other people.

From what I understand, the pill affects womens mate preference to selecting more feminine appearing men. Likewise, the menstrual cycle (and changing hormones) means a womans preference shifts from masculine (during ovulation) to more feminine (during menstruation). Of course, this is looking at people self-describing who they find attractive.

Opposites attract - when it comes to something in the immune system. It has something to do with scent - we are attracted to the scent of a person who has a differing immune system (possibly helping us protect ourselves from too much incest or encouraging greater mate diversity).

The rest are subjective, so I couldn't really address them. Not that I even did justice to the ones I DID address. Oh well...

There's research from Cornell university that calms that opposites don't attract plus a study from St. Andrew's university points out that we subconsciously pick our partners. I need to look for theses studies myself to as I made an note of the research the article I read refairs to.

I found an biomedical study into olfaction and women, the research points out that the sense of olfaction is strongest around the time of ovulation, significantly stronger than during other phases of the menstrual cycle and also stronger than the sense in males.
(http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/ar ... 1103000760)

I found the Cornell study I was taking about is was done in 2003 by Buston and Emlen called Cognitive processes underlying human mate choice: The relationship between self-perception and mate preference in Western society. Published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science.

http://articles.cnn.com/2003-07-01/tech ... _s=PM:TECH
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3031396.stm
http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/ ... 894976.htm

When I get around it I will find the other pieces of research

In order for a relationship to really last long and for there to really be electricity and attraction all around, both parties have so many demands or requirements that need to be met by their partner.

That is what lead me to believe that romantic relationships really are too much work to sustain and probably not worth my time. Also keeping the attraction going is quite difficult for me.

With that being said I won't be surprised if I end up being some 70 year old virgin. I pretty much already know my future.

I agree with that I had a few romantic relationships that didn't last very long. It can take be challenging on may levels to maintain a romantic relationship of a long time, as long time relationships IMO do go thought cycles.

To tell you the truth am in romantic relationship now a mess I need to end that relationship.

If I ever hook up with anyone its going to be because i'm horny and cant take it anymore.
unless, of course they are more into me than I am. (dont worry. it wont happen)

i'm such a jerk. but atleast I'm hot,

I can confirm that. I don't want to be fighting in my relationships all the time. My parents fight almost everyday.



I think yes. It depends on which parent you are close to that determines what you look for in a partner... like for e.g., you look for certain qualities from you mother in your potential partner.

I read an article about it in some paper.



This is true for me.



This is also true for me.



I guess so but that part has always been blurry to me.



Both. Subconscious first then conscious.


I can confirm that one too. When I am farthest away from my cycle I am almost asexual and somewhat drawn to women. I don't know if I could be bi-curious or just bi-romantic. When I am on and around my cycle I am drawn to men.



Recent research says no.



Do you mean long-distance? Some are against it. Some are for it. I am confused about it. [I am confused about a lot of things though]. I've had a few and they are a huge pain when you want to see each other and can't. That's the only reason I avoid long-distance.

There are two research studies that said that is the case: one looking at women preference of scent in men based on genetically factors, that 2002 study found that woman preferred the scent of men that had somewhat similar genes to them. The other study by Randy Thornhill of the University of New Mexico did research into smell and body shape in relationship choices.

This research that say contrary please give me sources about that.




I mean both close distance (proximity) and long distance by using the term geographical distance.