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Losing a friend because of lack of attraction.

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nichiren
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06 Aug 2011, 5:12 pm

Have had this friend for about a decade or so.
We have a lot in common.
Guy she married was a really good pal of mine as well.
In the rare times I was able to be around others without issues babysat the kids etc.

Her husband passed earlier this year.
So I basically used my savings to help her with bills and just kind of listened to her for the past few months.
Problem comes in that now she thinks we ought to be together.
I gave up dating and sex years ago because the whole marriage and being with someone thing every day is not for me. Even now renting a room from family makes me go nuts when other people in the house...

Plus being paranoid-schizo kinda makes me have issues being me because nobody cares to hear the fluff that is in my head.

Anyway I have told her directly for several weeks now and she refuses to give up.
Changed my phone but she drives by the house and just shows up.
And since she knows the family some of my relatives keep giving her my new numbers even though i ask them not to because they think i NEED a woman. They ignore my condition and say it is all in me head(ironic aint it-hope that was right usage)

Threatened to get the law but because of circumstances she may lose the children if I do that.
Even suggested counseling for her issues but she refuses to go.

So I'm probably going to have to use the restraining order even thought I do not want to.
Anyway.. leave comments if you want.. just venting... nobody IRL i can really talk to.



curlyfry
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06 Aug 2011, 5:49 pm

Wow, your are a really good friend to do that. It's sad when people get their emotions mixed up and mistake caring for affection.



nichiren
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06 Aug 2011, 6:32 pm

Thanks. I knew both of them for years and I could do not less.
People I call friend.. well I mean it.
Loyalty helped me to be able to be around with a lot less pain and anxiety.
The grief and loneliness are making her ignore the situation.
And I know she knows when she prefaced her last letter with the reasons I gave her verbatim and a but.


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Chronos
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08 Aug 2011, 2:24 am

nichiren wrote:
Have had this friend for about a decade or so.
We have a lot in common.
Guy she married was a really good pal of mine as well.
In the rare times I was able to be around others without issues babysat the kids etc.

Her husband passed earlier this year.
So I basically used my savings to help her with bills and just kind of listened to her for the past few months.
Problem comes in that now she thinks we ought to be together.
I gave up dating and sex years ago because the whole marriage and being with someone thing every day is not for me. Even now renting a room from family makes me go nuts when other people in the house...

Plus being paranoid-schizo kinda makes me have issues being me because nobody cares to hear the fluff that is in my head.

Anyway I have told her directly for several weeks now and she refuses to give up.
Changed my phone but she drives by the house and just shows up.
And since she knows the family some of my relatives keep giving her my new numbers even though i ask them not to because they think i NEED a woman. They ignore my condition and say it is all in me head(ironic aint it-hope that was right usage)

Threatened to get the law but because of circumstances she may lose the children if I do that.
Even suggested counseling for her issues but she refuses to go.

So I'm probably going to have to use the restraining order even thought I do not want to.
Anyway.. leave comments if you want.. just venting... nobody IRL i can really talk to.


I'm glad you did not do the kind things you did for her with the hopes that she would want to date you, and you did them because you really just wanted to help her. That is very honorable.

If you do have paranoid schizophrenia you might just tell her you can't be in the kind of relationship she wants because you have a difficult time coping with the disorder when you aren't given your space and you don't want to become paranoid of her and lose her as a friend.



Spazzergasm
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08 Aug 2011, 5:10 am

Thanks for having true honest, noble motives!
I'm sure she will get it through her head eventually. You're a good person for acting the way you have been :]



nichiren
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08 Aug 2011, 4:15 pm

Chronos wrote:
nichiren wrote:
Have had this friend for about a decade or so.
We have a lot in common.
Guy she married was a really good pal of mine as well.
In the rare times I was able to be around others without issues babysat the kids etc.

Her husband passed earlier this year.
So I basically used my savings to help her with bills and just kind of listened to her for the past few months.
Problem comes in that now she thinks we ought to be together.
I gave up dating and sex years ago because the whole marriage and being with someone thing every day is not for me. Even now renting a room from family makes me go nuts when other people in the house...

Plus being paranoid-schizo kinda makes me have issues being me because nobody cares to hear the fluff that is in my head.

Anyway I have told her directly for several weeks now and she refuses to give up.
Changed my phone but she drives by the house and just shows up.
And since she knows the family some of my relatives keep giving her my new numbers even though i ask them not to because they think i NEED a woman. They ignore my condition and say it is all in me head(ironic aint it-hope that was right usage)

Threatened to get the law but because of circumstances she may lose the children if I do that.
Even suggested counseling for her issues but she refuses to go.

So I'm probably going to have to use the restraining order even thought I do not want to.
Anyway.. leave comments if you want.. just venting... nobody IRL i can really talk to.


I'm glad you did not do the kind things you did for her with the hopes that she would want to date you, and you did them because you really just wanted to help her. That is very honorable.

If you do have paranoid schizophrenia you might just tell her you can't be in the kind of relationship she wants because you have a difficult time coping with the disorder when you aren't given your space and you don't want to become paranoid of her and lose her as a friend.


i have showed her my papers and everything.
And have explained it to her in detail.
I guess time will have to do it's work.
It might be worse on her because her husband left her enough that she never has to work again if she does not have to. When the insurance, 401k, and all that came through.
So she just sits at home and ruminates over it all day every day.

I gave up on being with anyone years ago because I did not want to burden anyone with my medical issues and my situation. I guess all I can do is keep refusing and still listening. Eventually she will accept the message.


_________________
Suicide is not a cowardly act, it is a courageous one. It takes a huge force of will to overcome the hardwired instinct to survive at all costs.