I don't think it's so much about being a 'nice' guy/girl
As it is knowing exactly where to draw the line between being nice, and becoming assertive and standing up for yourself.
I don't know about you,but for me this is usually much easier said than done.I'm doing better but I still got a long way to go.
I still get people telling me that I should have been assertive for a certain situation when I can't even see why it is such a big deal,or in what way I was being manipulated.Being unable to discern many social cues is probably the reason I don't see some of these occurrences as seriously as my friends and family.Unfortunately it seems that many times this is simply mistaken for me being a complete pushover,when it fact it's mere social ignorance.Not that I can't be a sappy pushover by choice sometimes too ;P
Mindslave
Veteran
Joined: 14 Nov 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,034
Location: Where the wild things wish they were
I used to be one of those "nice guys" but I realized that the problem was that I was selfishly generous, not unselfishly generous. The difference is that if someone doesn't want a favor, don't grant it. It shouldn't be "Oh here, let me help you with that, I insist, despite the fact that we just met and I have no reason to assist you with anything besides my obvious physical attraction to you". There is no right or wrong way of doing things, so just fly by the seat of your pants. What's the worst that can happen? You get it wrong? Nobody is 100% right or 100% wrong, and the sooner you curb your fears, the better. The whole idea of "being yourself" is to say whatever it is that you would say in a situation, instead of holding your tongue because of such silliness as "social appropriateness" and "the right time to say it". If she doesn't like you saying whatever from the start, she won't like you saying whatever whenever. You can't plan what it's going to be like with her 3 months later when you haven't even said a word to her. It's impossible to predict, and the only way to find out is to just say whatever!
i agree with mind slaves.
there are different kinds of "nice guys".
the kind who are genuinely nice but naive.
and the people who attempt to get laid by being ass kissers.
being a guy who is nice, does not mean one fits into the "nice guy" archetype.
timidness, passiveness, too much innocence or naivety, unassertive. the kind of person who lacks self confidence and feels that the woman is doing him a favor by seeing him. boring, playing it safe.
