Does anyone else feel this way about relationships?

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Ok, I'll start off by saying that I have never been in a relationship. I have been rejected 4 times in my life. I'm 25 and a curious thought has started developing in my mind. I have a desire to find a significant other- someone who understands me and has a similar world view etc. While my emotions want me to find someone, my mind says "hold on buddy". I overanalyse situations. Last night, I went out to a friends birthday party. My friend and his girlfriend were making out and the thought said "I don't want this". It could stem from my fear of intimacy. Does anyone also have a divided opinion on relationships?

On one side I'm just sick of relationships because the ones in the past haven't worked out. On the other side I want to keep trying no matter what.

I do, but perhaps in a different way than you. I think that I would like to have loving companionship, but not with someone with whom I can't connect, and I can't connect with people.

Yup! I fear the physical part, but crave the emotional/proximital stuff of hanging out and doing stuff with them and talking about everything...~ XD

I'm very ambivalent about relationships. So much so, I almost doubt I'll ever date. I want that kind of love, romance and companionship in my life. At the same I don't because 1. I love my alone time. I need it. 2. I like who I am and I don't want to change for anyone. 3. I hate drama, and it seems to be a big part of relationships. And like the O.P., I'm really analytical. And sex? I'm definitely not ready for that!

Yes. That's why I get drunk in order to make out with people. It feels good in the moment but, yeah, ultimately is meaningless. I wanna find someone I can really connect with but I feel like I can't connect to anyone. I fall for people who are unavailable yet who string me along and play with me to make themselves feel better I guess. I wind up giving so much energy to these people that I just wanna quit trying altogether. It's easier to stay home and enjoy my movie collection, writing, music and books. I only seem to feel bad lately when I go out and socialize with people who expect me to be trying to get laid.

I'm 25, I've had only one short relationship, much to the dismay of my few friends who know this.

Strangely, I'm very good at talking to strangers and have no problem attracting women, it's the ambiguity of taking things further that throws me off as well as not being able to understand the intentions of the opposite sex at certain stages. I'm also concerned about them encroaching on my time and plans. I seem to try to fit women into a rigid schedule but it never really works. I've thrown myself into internet dating with interesting results. I find the rules of interaction are much more clearly defined in this type of interation as everyone states what they are looking for from the offest and it's easy to find someone with the same interests as you. Question is can I sustain a relationship off the back of this?

It is interesting, the physical qualities have never appealed to me, and the potential loss of independence is downright scary. But the prospect of finding someone who you can sympathize with and understand for a lifetime has allowed me to keep my mind open to the idea...at this time, anyway. I had once vowed celibacy, but now I will "let something happen" if it does.

I am not actively seeking anyone out because I largely share your viewpoint, though.

I wish for someone with whom I have mutual understanding, for lifetime companionship.
However, I am finding that even with other aspies, this does not seem to work, as there seem to be many varieties of aspie, and I have not yet found one similar enough to me for understanding to be found. That and I have complications from an abusive childhood, and the aspies I have been with tend not to be able to deal with any sort of discussion on a more socially related level.

So yes, I tend to end up focussing on my interests and accepting I shall probably remain alone, and need to find ways to make the most of it without a companion.

This, I agree.

THIS. I completely agree, Nikki15. I never dated for the longest time, because I would look at all the heartbreak and drama going on with my friends, and I never, ever wanted to deal with that. And I'm downright obsessive about my alone time. I'm also usually terrified when it comes to talking to guys I'm attracted to. Older men, no problem - because there's no risk, it feels safer since I'm completely uninterested other than having an amusing or in depth conversation about something. The physical part of a romantic relationship has always kind of terrified me.

I'm in my first relationship ever, and I already know this is someone I'm not going to end up marrying or anything. I enjoy him as a person, he makes me laugh and I actually - this is huge for me - am comfortable with him. Normally, guys kind of make me uneasy. I also avoided dating because I did not want to end up with someone clingy or demanding of my attention - I literally can't do it. For right now, I managed to find a guy who's got enough of his own stuff going on that we see each other only every few days, which is perfect for me. It's still a struggle though, because I have to constantly remind myself to make plans with him - it doesn't come naturally to me, and I haven't decided yet whether this is worth the trouble. I don't know if that's a good sign this early on. Heck, I pretty much know nothing about dating, it's all brand new territory for me.

What do you mean by "this?" Making out? Sexual intimacy in general? Something else?

Making out =/= sexual intimacy


I don't empathize, personally, OP.
I hate it when I'm not in a relationship, and am generally-depressed if I'm in one and there are signs it won't last forever.
I'm in it for marriage and a family and emotional and intellectual intimacy.

Same for me, sort of. I don't know how to describe it another way. I just ask myself beforehand if the risk is worth the possible hurt. Sometimes that answer is no, sometimes it's yes.