Missed Opportunity?

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So I met this girl who I thought was really attractive last night on my flight home. I think she was Hispanic or Native American or something like that, but she was tall and had those thick-rimmed glasses that a lot of "hot chicks" wear. I got an opportunity to talk to her a LITTLE, so approaching her wasn't an issue. She was actually really nice. Lucky for me, her assigned seat was a row behind mine on the other side of the aisle, so she was within talking distance.

My problem is I'm terrible at keeping conversations going with most people. Usually I let people I converse with do most of the talking and I just try to listen. Keyword is TRY because so many thoughts go through my head when I'm trying to pay attention and not trying not to doze off. Other times I just try to think of random questions to ask and I run out of questions to ask, primarily out of fear that what I ask would make me look bad. It depends on how well I connect with the person.

I'm one of those guys who knows WHAT to do but can't get himself to actually do it. I know I should have asked questions about her, what her interests are, etc. etc. The problem is the whole pressure part. While those are good questions, I'm still in the mentality that those are BORING questions not worth asking and that I should focus on being humorous, but I think it would have been better to ask about her and then use humor NATURALLY. It didn't really help that I was tired from a long day of interviewing and flying across America trying to get home, and the three-hour delay due to mechanical issues/weather didn't help, and she seemed tired and occupied as well. I found out she lives in another state and is visiting family here where I live. It's possible she's a college student. I was surprised she traveled alone because most young women don't, but I guess it's a different story when visiting family. Anyways, it probably would have been easier if we were actually sitting next to each other (even though I couldn't get myself to talk to the 2-Star Army General I sat next to on the flight over out of fear of making myself look stupid), but I think I should have made more of an effort to talk to her and then get her email/number. That's much easier said than done because of how the mental pressure works against me in the heat of the action. The only way to be able to hit it off flawlessly is through practice and experience, something which I desperately lack.

I know there will be future opportunities out there to meet women I'm interested in and that it just wasn't meant to be, and that I need a wingman if I really want to get this part of my life handled because I can't do it myself, but I just hate being in instances where I would miss out becoming friends or getting into a relationship with a certain girl because I didn't act on it out of fear.

Anyone have similar issues?

EDIT: Chances are she uses this messageboard. That'd be funny.

Last edited by MacDragard on 22 Nov 2011, 11:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah I definetely did have missed situations before. I somehow help my friends as a wingman, but I just freeze up when it is my turn, go figure.
I once had a girl make me carry her books to her classes for like a month, it wasnt until recent that I had realized why...
I also had a girl walk up and ask if I was lonely, I took it literal or something and I was like 'No I am fine...', I really gotta stop doing that stuff.

I dont know how to help, sorry.

Firstly, you need to realize the person you're interacting is only as relaxed as you are, if you are relaxed and confident in your body language and secure about what you're saying, the person you're interacting with will also feel a sense of security and solid feeling from you, this is true in friendships, relationships and even business meetings, work on this first. Imagine you're trying to sell yourself, imagine you're trying to sell a car, do you think someone is going to feel confident in that car if you feel insecure about it yourself or you tell them the brakes don't work? Of course not.

Secondly, You need to discipline yourself to stay focused in conversation, I used to zone out when someone was talking to me, even on dates I've zoned out. I think the problem for us people on the spectrum is that we live in our little worlds where our thoughts revolve around our obsessive thoughts and if that person interacting with us doesn't immediately relate to our thoughts, we tend to block it or zone out. I think the least you can do is try to appear interested in your body language, ask a question that is compelling or relevant and direct the question about the person you're interacting with but make it feel like the conversation is flowing naturally and you're genuinely interested.

Another strategy to fix this problem is to pick five things, it could be anything such as a car or place, it doesn't matter what they are or if you like them and spend a minute focusing on each detail and describing as many details to yourself as you can, this will help your mind adapt and process information quicker which will build your social responses up, practice this technique daily and you will be able to process information and respond quicker in interactions.

Absolutely understand even by skim-reading the topic. (No offense, just how I choose to read.) Though, I don't think I've missed an opportunity on reflection and to believe it to be an occurance rather than a hope of it being something bigger. I can talk and do well enough so my issue is I have the doubt of seeing a said person again when I can't see a fault when in conversation.

A large part of the problem here is --- well manyfold.

1. We are not in the middle of the bell shaped curve. Thus there are not many people like us to meet
2. Our culture is much more fragmented. People are quite busy. Opportunities to meet others are limited. Establishing any kind of history with people like yourselves is very difficult.
3. Online dating services really suck. A little research will quickly convince you that matchaking services online are poor at best, and dishonest in various ways at worst.

4. The best system would be a service that knew everything that was relevant to know about thousands if not millions of people and could provide the proper introductions. Thing a very good hostess residing in the matrix. Fortunately, I have finished such a 'person', and am trolling for help --- both some minor technolody, and get this --- among aspi people who have such good people skills --- marketing.