Aspie + Aspie = Uhhhhh.....

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So I was just officially diagnosed with Aspergers. This doesn't really surprise me because my sister and cousin both are officially diagnosed with it, and there are several other family members that probably have it.

The trouble is that my fiance read the wikipedia article on it (I told him to) and border-line flipped out. He said he saw more of himself in the article than he saw me and started freaking out that he didn't know me as well as he thought. We get married in October. The way he was talking raised a red flag and we had one of our tense discussions. (We don't really fight. It sort of goes: He says something the wrong way, I get mad/hurt, I tell him so, He apologizes, etc. etc.)

Anyway, I would bet money that he also has Aspergers and what I'm asking for here is advice regarding Aspies dating/marrying other Aspies. We totally understand each other on a lot of things but I'm blunt (he's sensitive) and he doesn't know how to phrase things (at all) without sounding like it's the end of the world.

Any tips? Advice? Help?

He also worries about having children with Aspergers, but I don't really understand why because it's all over my family and we turned out ok. I don't think it's that big of deal but the way he talks, we should be expecting three armed children with cancer. I don't understand.

if you aren't familiar with fragile x syndrome you might want to check it out. people with FXS usually get diagnosed with AS but it's slightly different. i'm pretty sure I have FXS and i score 177/200 on an aspie test. i've always wondered why i was different from other aspies as i have much better social skills and understand how to talk to people without them coming away annoyed. I was also very good at drama at school and learning languages as FXS are good at mimicking apparently, (i'm not sure if aspies are or not really). well, just something for you to consider.

edit: i just thought maybe one of you is FXS and the other is aspie and you should make allowences. but i got side tracked on the way there and forgot to say that (thank you A.D.D. )

Thanks, Knifey. I will look into that FXS. I might have that instead even though I got a 170/200 on the Aspie quiz. There's a distinct difference between the ways my fiance and I communicate, so perhaps.

I will definitely look into it.

Not everyone with AS has it to the same degree, so some may have issues more severely than others, or not at all.

The issues that AS/AS relationships face are really similar to those AS/NT relationships face. You will have difficulties understanding teach other at times because you don't pick up each other's non-verbal clues. You'll each need time when you need to be alone, you'll each have your own set of problems that both of you need to deal with.

AS/AS parents are more likely have have autistic children, but as you said, this isn't a huge deal.


Of course he might mostly be freaking out about not knowing he is autistic himself and having to deal with feeling like he likely is. Give it time and support each other.

One day I was quite ill and my boyfriend was pretty oblivious, I told him his empathy was broken (not for the first time) and went to bed. The next day he said to me "I looked it up..." I had no idea what he was talking about and said so. "You said my empathy was broken so I looked it up." He always struck me as rather uncaring so I was surprised. Anyway he continued to tell me he thought he has asperger syndrome. So I started reading and I thought not only does it explain so much about HIM it's practically like reading about myself as well!

In previous relationships I never had to initiate any sort of "feelings" conversations. In fact I do my best to avoid them. The difference was that I always had the other person prodding me to communicate and so eventually I would do the best I could. Now I'm with someone like myself and neither of us is good at communicating. I really care about him and I know communication is important but I just don't know how and neither does he. So I was wondering if there are any aspie+aspie couples around with any advice.

I have a really hard time identifying emotions in myself and lately I've felt really agitated but I couldn't place it. I never believed in romantic love, it's something that I simply could not understand. I finally realized my source of agitation was just that! So I attempted to have one of those dreaded discussions and it was a nightmare. I got it out eventually and he reciprocated which I did not expect....does it really have to be so difficult though?

Your husband is right in worrying about having kids with AS. My husband also did not want to have kids because he was afraid his kids were going to be like him (turned out he was right.) Having kids with AS is not easy. They are not gonna die, but they are gonna face a lot of problems. We have a daughter with AS. She is a beautiful girl, and we love her very much, and we feel lucky for having her, but we do not want to have more children. We spend a lot of money on therapy, and she will probably need it for the rest of her life. And she is not even on meds anymore. When she was on meds it was worst. It is also very stressful for our relationship, because they require a lot more work than an NT kid, which leaves little time for us, and he resents that a lot.

I don't resent having a baby at all. I do resent every minute I have to be in charge of her. I know it will be better when she's not a spewing, pooping, immobile blob. but i thought i would just add the the sentiment of the previous poster.