Moving In / Living Together

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I can only socialize in small doses. What do you do when they ask you to move in, but the thought of so much time with a person makes you incredibly stressed/anxious?

In the past year I've had a new bf ask me to move in. I freaked out secretly and distanced myself, which was a shame because I really liked him and the refusal left us on a pretty sour note.

Now, I'm seeing an ex again and he asked me to move in as well. The same trend is happening. I see it, but I'm not stopping it. I know there's a reason for my anxiety, but I can't pinpoint it, and would really like to know what other aspies have done in similar situations...

Also, for aspies living with a partner...how is it? And how do you do it?

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated ^__^

I don't know if I could stand it to be honest.

I think you should address this to the person before it comes to the stage where they want you to move in.

I've been with my partner for 10 years. We waited until 3 yrs in to move in together, and then we always got a place where I could have my own room. We put in an extra bed for when I have insomnia, and my computer, and I kept it dark and quiet. She agreed not to bother me if the door was shut. Now that I own my own home, we do the same thing only it's my basement. This gives me a retreat for when I can't handle things. Also, it helps her, because if I'm getting agitated and heading toward a bad day, I can shut myself in and she knows that I'm avoiding taking things out on her, which reduces her stress.

I've a friend who's been in a relationship for two years and lives with her bf. Their relationship is going south, but she's finding it hard to leave him, in part, because they live together. The thought and action of finding a new apartment, moving out, etc has an inertia that keeps her in the relationship longer than she might otherwise have been.

Just a thought. I can imagine as an Aspie that moving in can set up a comfortable routine that will make it even more difficult to move out if the relationship doesn't work. As someone with AS, I'd be sure that I'm really committed to the other person before she or I moves in.

i live with my boyfriend.
but we work, and he goes and sees his friends etc.
so we don't spend that much time together.
not every evening & not every part of the weekend.
so we both get plenty of space, which makes it work well for it.

I live with my boyfriend and it works well for us.

Partially, I've basically been around him so much that he doesn't count as a person when it comes to my uncomfortableness around people - he knows me way too deeply for that, and I can rely on him when I need something like to be held tight.

I would strongly recommend to people who aren't sure that they've adapted like I have to make sure that there is an explicit place that they can escape to when they need to, and an understanding that that will happen and its not wanting to leave the SO its just things being too much. Better if you can use it for other types of overloads than just people as well, and probably easier to explain to an NT if you include that. When we eventually are getting ourselves something more permanent than an apartment, we're going to have an explicit zero room for me.

Make sure that you're moving in for the same reason, like others mentioned, cohabitating does bring its own challenges and own risks, and definitely can lead to people just not wanting to leave if they should otherwise because its too much effort to move. Cohabitating should be a commitment, just not one as strong as engagement or marriage, and is not always treated like one.