Stood up by an aspie

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Wow wow wow I never thought an aspie would do this.

I used to have this super crush on this girl years ago in college but at the time she was dting someone else. We lost touch after I had a falling out with her roommates(kind of a group package deal thingie) we met online and dated a few times before we figured out we already met! Anyways this week we made plans to hit a park after work. Today is the day and after waiting an hour under the sun by the light rail I got no text no calls just flat out stood up. I called her two times, once to let her know I was running late(only five minutes but I hate being late her phone rang) and once to ask her what the hell is going ong(right to voicemail) she has not called or texted me and I have not since then. I never got the blowing off dates thing and even more confused and hurt because she is an aspie that did it! what happened?

Did you literally leave a message asking "what the hell is going on?" Just curious.

While being stood up on a date isn't pleasant, there is a chance she had a legitimate reason to miss. If that is the case, and you left a harsh message, she might not be inclined to call back.

Eh, Aspies are equally capable of doing that too. That's hardly surprising.

While I am sorry that you were stood up, it happens. People get stood up everywhere and often, and it does not matter if Aspies or Enties are involved.

Im sorry you were stood up. But I am not sure why you would think an Aspie is less likely to stand you up. I would say equal, people are people.

My message was more"I am guessing since its an hour after the time we picked and here I am sitting in the hot sun we are not going on our date. I am guessing since your phone is turned off you are not talking to me right now. Call or text me so I know your still alive but if your going to just drop me out of the blue like this with out talking or letting me know why, ouch just ouch."

I thought it would be less likey with an aspie is because aspies mean what they and she said we were on for the date.

A major component of AS is difficulties with social interaction, and it's often accompanied with high anxiety. Dating would fall very well into this, I would think - perhaps she had anxiety attack of sorts and it may not help to stone her by phone before you know what actually happened?

I wouldn't assume this was intentional just yet. Something could have come up. For example, she could have locked her phone and her keys in her car. She could have cut her finger and had to go to the emergency room and didn't get reception there. She could have mixed up the dates, and so on.

Or she could have just plain forgot which is a bit irresponsible but most people are guilty of this at one point or another.

And then, she could have intentionally stood you up. Who knows.

Exactly. The reason I wanted to know what his message was too her was to determine the level of desperation, and by the sound of it, there is some desperate language and not a bit of anger (perhaps justifiable, perhaps not.)

Mesona...imagine that you'd set up a get-together with a good friend. Better yet, a guy friend. What would your reaction be if he missed the date? I know my reaction wouldn't be, "so you're not talking to me". It also wouldn't be accusatory, or presumptive. If a friend didn't show up, I'd call and say something non-judgmental to the effect "Are you okay? I thought we had a meeting set for 5:00 pm? Give me a call."

That's it. Until you find out the reason, you don't really have any sound information on which to base a reaction. If she then doesn't return your call, well you likely have your answer.

i would stand people up all the time. i have AS. usually job interviews. attention deficit and anxiety are a bad mix (for being ready on time). i would also turn my phone off too so i wasn't reminded of my failure when they rang. i would feel anger and shame so just remember she might be feeling that when you leave her a message next.

I'm personally very anxious and have more than once stood up friends, job interviews, job training. I just get so nervous about it I can't go. I feel horrible and ashamed about it and then I can't bring myself to call and explain.

The meeting location was right next to her job(and no I do not know what care she has and no i did not look)

AsteroidNap. Yes there is some desperate language, I dont need to tell other people with AS how hard it is to find someone you feel you can trust or or the pit you get when your plans are changed at last minute with no whys.

Yes I could have used better wording but I was upset at the time. I have texed her one last time asking if she okay and what our trip plans are(we both plan to hit a con next state over HER idea)

It's possible she just freaked out. Some people just can't bring themselves to do something whether they want to or not. It's common with aspies.

The whole reason I limited myself to other Aspies was to avoid this type of situation.

Tim, that's a bad move. People with aspergers are just as likely to create problems with things such as dates. With the added influencing factors of mental illness, depression and extreme social anxiety. From my experience.. and just from mine, I can say I'm more likely to bail on someone (but at least tell them first) because of the issues I have with well, everything I listed. I don't get how you think an aspie would be better with a situation involving social interaction than an NT?

(honest question).

I am NT and I am used to say what I think. It does not always comes out right. I go around hurting people without reason. Even my Aspie husband tells me thats wrong; that I shouldnt go hurting peoples feelings just because. He is right. NTs and Aspies both have feelings, and get offended. If I was her and I got that message from you, I wouldnt call you again.