Help! I'm being smothered

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I've recently (past two weeks) just started dating a guy that I work with. Because of work, we've known each other for nearly a year.

He really is a nice guy, but the only thing I can find wrong with him is that he wants to spend all of his time with me. He will not leave me alone, even for just one day! It's driving me nuts!

He's also just been really fast in his attachment to me. He tells me he loves me several times a day, wants to hug me all the time, says he thinks about me constantly, wants me to be happy and that I'm the best thing to happen to him in 7 years, etc, etc... I do believe that he is sincere when he's saying these things.

It makes me feel guilty that I really don't feel anywhere near as strongly for him as he does me. I told him he didn't need to try so hard, but he won't quit. I've also told him that I'm an introvert and I like having a lot of time for myself. (I didn't tell him that I've been diagnosed with Aspergers, though... maybe I should?)

Anyway, here's what it's like: he is constantly calling my phone, sending texts. I got a Facebook page for him because he's on a lot. He's always asking after work for me to get online and chat. He wants to see me several times a day, and he begs me to come over more often. It makes me feel so guilty to refuse him. I have made compromises, and have spent much more time with him than I really want, but he's always wanting more.

A typical example just happened. He wanted to see me after work, but I had an appointment. I told him that, but he got me to agree to come over to his house after. I did that, stayed for two hours, but when I wanted to leave he tried to get me stay, and again made me agree to call him later.

I just called him, and he wanted me to come over tonight. I said no, but he kept bugging me and making me feel bad, so I agreed to come over again tomorrow morning just to shut him up. I'm easily talked into doing things that I don't want to by other people. At the moment, I am just so pissed off right now, because now I have to go over there in a few hours because I agreed to it, even though I originally wasn't planning on doing that.

I do care about him, but he is driving me insane with this! We've already talked about it, and the conversation gets repeated several times a day, it seems like. He can't go one damn day without seeing me or at least talking to me. Is there any possible way to convince him to back off a little without breaking up with him? I do like him, but I can't be around constantly. I need time alone. Help!

Try to explain to him the importance of "me time", you need some time alone to relax, think and breath. If you are honest about it up front he might lay off the pressure but if he doesn't then you need to think about your health and sanity first.

Thanks. I'm not going to end it yet. I'm hoping that he's just like this because we're still a relatively new couple.

Maybe it'll wear off with time and he won't want me to be around every day. I hope so.

If he persists you could always send him on errands or get him to build some shelves, paint your walls then he may disappear of his own accord.

Joking aside, good luck.

Meh. I'm going through the same thing right now.

I hate to say it but it's the third time. With the same guy. Over a span of 4 years.

I finally told him I had aspergers, but I'm not sure he understands, or even cares.

Guys like this, or at least the guy I'm dealing with right now, don't take no for an answer and can be very pushy because they know that they can get away with it.

It took me awhile to realize that this type of behavior is extremely selfish.

My advice is to explain what you need and see if he respects it. If he doesn't then he doesn't care enough about you. Sorry to say.

I wish I could offer more advice, but all I can say right now is that I most definitely can sympathize, and wish you luck.

Just don't let him drive you too nuts, know what makes you comfortable in terms of "me" time and stick to it or else you'll be resentful later.

I would tell him that if he doesn't back off the the relationship won't work.

To me it sounds as though he's already shaming you into doing things you don't want to do. This is really borderline abusive behavior, regardless of the face he puts on.

He sounds very possessive. That's bad too. He's trying to isolate you from your own world, from your own personal social saftey nets and circles.

Be strong, be assertive! This is healthy for you to practice. As others have said, he either respects your needs as well, or tell him its over.

Establish boundaries early for a healthy relationship. That skill will serve you well, even if this Nice Guy (TM) can't handle it.

I've been on the other side of this situation. Scared a lot of girls off. The one girl that gave me a chance kissed me out of the blue... of course I wasn't paying much attention to her until that point, which helps explain why she didn't avoid me like girls I was paying attention to.

Anyway, after a few weeks of dating she had to tell me not to follow her while she went to get forks at Taco Bell. After 16 years of marriage, she still has to tell me from time to time that I need to leave her alone now. (Why is she still here?)

Anyway, he might be one of us and need to be told explicitly when to back off. Worth a shot anyway... and if he doesn't listen, you'll know what you need to do.