Dating
NOOOOOO!! !!
Aspie's can NEVER keep up with an NT's social whirl. After a while, an NT will start to disgust you...give you headaches. A true aspie can never tolerate an NT. They'll seem immature, aggressive, too dependent on others, too obsessed with norms of dress and habit. "IF" you can meet an introverted, intellectual NT, you'll be okay because they usually have a small circle of friends and are very careful about inviting new people into their social circle. This type of NT is a bit more mellow than the rest. Think of it this way: If you could tolerate six or seven people using your bathroom one after the other, then you can make it in the NT world.
Introverted, intellectual NT's drive home just to take a s**t. If you're more the latter, stay away from the typical NT. The typical NT will eventually get rather angry with the aspie. They don't want to hear about your work or what you learned at Home Depot. They want to talk about people, food, places they went too, what they barcecued the whole weekend, who's cheating on who - they're freaking exhausting! Yet they feel a bit "stuck" when they're around us. They don't want to discuss what was on PBS last night. Stick with a small intellectual crowd of NT's or other aspies. SEXUAL curiosity is what draws an aspie to an NT or vice versa. That's a very superficial way to relate. When it gets into an actual relationship, that's when the problems begin. It just won't last.
Princess78
Sea Gull
Joined: 27 Aug 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 224
Location: Massachusetts, or in a cottage with seven little men
I 've dated guys who didn't have Asperger's, and I did not feel the connection like I do with my boyfriend, who also has Asperger's. I never told the other guys I have Asperger's, because I didn't think that they would understand. I tried to explain my OCD to someone online, and he just didn't get it. (It was my sister's idea, not mine. I was so mad at her afterwards!) People like us have problems that most people would not understand. If you can find an NT you're comfortable dating, then fine. Otherwise, find a nice Aspie girl to date.
I am an NT girl dating a guy with AS. We've been together for more than 10 months now.
Though we have had a lot of fights, they've mostly been over small things. I'm an introvert (but not a loner) and my boyfriend is definitely a loner, and this is where most of our issues have come from (for example, I'll want to talk/hang out more than he will) and compromise is tough on this issue. However, both of us have changed for the better in this relationship.
I've started educating myself as much as possible about AS, especially in the last 3-4 months. Over the course of the whole relationship, however, we've had to compromise quite a lot. I can't hint at things or expect him to know what I want - I must tell him explicitly, which at the beginning was an issue for my (my whole family hints at EVERYTHING and never says anything outright - I feel like I have the most passive-aggressive relatives ever, haha) but now I'm getting better at it. My boyfriend would often feel bad if I was in a bad mood or upset about something, even if he didn't cause it, which only made me feel worse.
So there's been a lot of conflict in our relationship, but overall it's a happy one. I absolutely love our hours-long conversations we have, our debates and discussions about anything and everything. My boyfriend is one of the most openminded people I know and he's helped me become openminded too. Our relationship is strong and I love my boyfriend very much. Though I did not begin dating him because he has AS - I began dating him because we were close friends and both wanted to try something more - his AS is fine with me.
I feel generalizations like this are very broad and don't describe everyone. I'm sure some couples are that way, but certainly not all. I believe one of the strongest parts of the bond between my boyfriend and I is an intellectual one and our relationship is not superficial.
One can't generalize about NTs - not all NTs are shallow, petty, and/or obsessed with fashion. I've found a minority to be like that.
Never say never.
Some NT's will see that your different from others and think something is wrong with you. Others will appreciate your differences as good qualities.
Also, I don't like the NT/AS labels. Because I know plenty of NT's who are peculiar and quirky, though they don't have AS.
You should date someone compatible.
Too many people miss out because they have stupid criteria. Only dating aspies is an example of this. A lot of you miss the point and overlook that aspies can be absolute a***holes. I'm not talking by mistake either. We are all human, aspies and NTs aren't so different from each other.
Not all aspies are perfect datable material. Each to their own of course, but seriously.. to these people.. good luck.
I feel like this also. I'd actually prefer to date someone who didn't have any problems and had their life completely in order.... I mean, who wouldn't? But I continue to be more attracted to quirky girls because I feel like we could have some kind of deeper connection or that they could understand me better or maybe I'm just a little intimidated by people who have all their s**t together. The kicker though, is that I'm eventually put off when I find out the "quirky girl" has any sort of significant problem.
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