Why I don't like the term "nice guy"

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Men and women both use the term "nice guy" often when describing men. And I don't think it is a good term to use.

A word or term, in my opinion, should have an undistorted specific unambiguous definition. But "nice guy" does not mean a "nice guy".

A "nice guy" is different from a person who is nice. So it is unfair to make complaints against "nice guys" and then have guys who are nice a victim of that stigma.

The "nice guy" archetype:
Plays it safe; boring; nuetral (doesn't want to spark disagreement)
Desperate; clingy (wants validation from the first woman they meet)
Low self-confidence (feels that a woman is doing them a favor by being with them)

Worst of all, "nice guys" are often not even nice. They simply fawn, flatter, and suck-up, treat the woman like a princess, so they can secure the woman into a relationship. Over-complimenting a woman and pulling out chairs for her just to get her into bed with them is not "nice" at all. Many women are aware of this, so thats why I think they say they don't like nice guys. Many "jerks" were "nice guys" at first.

How is it not possible to be confident, not desperate, and interesting, without being a jerk?

My conclusion.
I feel girls don't like "nice guys".
I feel girls like guys who are nice (without those bad qualities).

Welcome to the world of communication. Perhaps you are starting to realize that you are actually better at communication than most NTs are, because they don't ask these types of questions. The real reason people with AS aren't good at communication is because on one hand they know what they want to say, but on the other hand they don't know how to say it because choice A and choice B are both ambiguous. This is also why many people have trouble expressing how they feel, and after years of this, any skill you might have can easily get diminished. Sometimes I'll get stuck on a page in a book because I'm not sure what the sentence means. Our language is filled with multiple meaning and interpretations, so people that don't care are more effective at communicating.

mm
in my experience guys who use the term 'nice guy' to describe themselves, esp' ones who who like to dabble with the phrase 'nice guys finish last', turn out to be the biggest dicks. be, not have.

this post is WIN on so many levels.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nDq1HoNm-E[/youtube]
Sorry just had to do it.

"Nice guy" is not always the kiss of death. Ive known women who used it in the context of talking about a man they wanted. In that context it only meant, "promising candidate". It's only when it's said directly to you that's it's probably not good.

I have been described as a nice guy and a sweet guy by the same woman. She also told me she would be my girlfriend if she wasn't with her current bf.

What she said was actually true. When she split with her bf she offered to have my child (I refused).

The lesson of my example. People can mean what they say. Commonly used phrases are sometimes literally meant. Each situation is open to interpretation.

And yes, these phrases were used directly to me, not to another.

I am often called a "nice guy" and a "sweetie". Here's the catch: I am not like that to people who are jerks.

People then assume they can step all over me, and then they are surprised to find out that I stand up for myself fiercely. And due to analysis and observation of them, I know exactly what to say to make them stop.

I actually like it because then people will underestimate my assertiveness. It makes actually being assertive more effective and fun.

That's why it's good to call it "self proclaimed nice guy" when talking about this type of male.

I also refer to this sort of guy as a wolf in sheep's clothing. Nice and respectful to women in an attempt to get a relationship or sex out of it, and if what he wants doesn't come into play, he becomes a misogynst (I can't spell).

Real nice people are nice and respectful to everyone, not with an ulterior motive.

A lot of the guys on here think they are nice but have the ulterior motive of coming across as "respectful" in return for a relationship, then ditch or bag the women if she isn't interested.

If you are nice/patient/respectful only in return for something, you aren't nice. Period.

Where would you say I fall in that?

Defeatist and probably sweet guy. A sweet guy isn't a self proclaimed nice guy, he's someone who is quite submissive.

Then again, I may be wrong as I don't know you IRL.

Nice is such a crap word.

My old English teacher told us never to use it, and she was right.

Your OLD english teacher... or your "OLD ENGLISH" teacher?

Hear ye, hear ye!

Well here's another anti-male shaming tactic: rationalizations.

Most women love bad boys (ex-cons, bikers, cocky extroverts...whatever), but these women also know that such a preference paints them in a negative light. So the rationalization is invented: "nice guys are just acting that way to get into my panties!" Thus, bad female behavior is excused by other women and by white knights. It may fool them, but it sure as hell doesn't fool me.

It truly is sickening that some women try to project their own issues onto innocent men...

it is possible just not easy, a good friend of mine once told me how he finds it so funny that by being rude, mean, and acting like he owns the world has made women thinks hes confident, not desperate, and interesting

when he himself says hes none of those things

its just realy easy to come off as having those qualities, by being kinda of an a**hole

the big reason y why the "nice guy" term even exsist is simply becuz, more often than not a girl likes the guy's attentionhe gives her but becuz of it also wants nothing relationship wise to do with him, and so too hopefully not ruffle any feathers while shes telling him hes not good enough for, her shell say "ur a nice guy" in some shape or form

Geez, how many "nice guy" dicks have you seen!?