MALE FRIENDS CONFUSE ME

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Tica
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08 Sep 2011, 1:19 pm

It seems as though my male friends only see me as a friend. I wonder if it is me sometimes or that i am not good enough. Although i am realizing that i can not change who i am. Accept me or don't in the end it is the guy's loss. Anyone deal with this?

OneStepBeyond
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08 Sep 2011, 1:22 pm

a friend who sees you as a friend? this is shocking

ValentineWiggin
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08 Sep 2011, 1:24 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:

a friend who sees you as a friend? this is shocking

I think the emphasis was on the "only", IE OP would prefer that some of these friendships would develop into non-platonic mutual attraction, as is often how relationships are started.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Sep 2011, 1:31 pm

Well, ladies (and even men), always keep that in mind.

Any friendship with someone of the other opposite sex, regardless of how platonic you may think it is, ALWAYS has a some degree of risk* that he might fall for you, that risk is always there. Unless if he's gay of course.

*risk can be called 'chance' if you like the guy.

AsteroidNap
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08 Sep 2011, 1:36 pm

Tica wrote:

It seems as though my male friends only see me as a friend. I wonder if it is me sometimes or that i am not good enough. Although i am realizing that i can not change who i am. Accept me or don't in the end it is the guy's loss. Anyone deal with this?

My only advice is this: Sure, you do not want to change who you are at your core being, but don't mistake improving and enhancing your strong points as changing who you are.

Oh, and this caveat too...don't do something because it might attract a guy. Don't give guys that power. Do things like exercise or taking night classes for you and you alone.

Zinnel
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08 Sep 2011, 2:10 pm

u hav nothing to worry about

Tequila
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08 Sep 2011, 3:33 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:

a friend who sees you as a friend? this is shocking

Especially if it's a male friend and a woman.

Mindslave
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08 Sep 2011, 3:33 pm

The question is, do you want to be more than friends with these people? Obviously you are giving them the impression that you want to be just friends, whether you intend to or not. Just remember that many people can't even be friends with the opposite sex, much less lovers. You should probably ask one of your guy friends if he finds you attractive, and if he is a good friend he will be able to answer you in a respectful (better word?) manner.

sagan
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08 Sep 2011, 7:08 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Even the gay ones. I once had a "gay" friend attack me on my bed. Apparently he is only straight for me and this one other girl... Urg. No more men in my bedroom, even the gay ones.

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AsteroidNap
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08 Sep 2011, 10:41 pm

sagan wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Even the gay ones. I once had a "gay" friend attack me on my bed. Apparently he is only straight for me and this one other girl... Urg. No more men in my bedroom, even the gay ones.

hrmm, doesn't that make him Bi, not gay? Not that labels matter too much, but in this very instance it would have perhaps prevented such an incident?

sorry, a bit OT.

biostructure
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08 Sep 2011, 11:45 pm

Tica wrote:

I have the exact opposite problem--I have a hard time seeing a lot of my female friends as friends only, and develop attraction, whereas they don't reciprocate.

Have you actually revealed your desire to progress beyond mere friendship to any of these guys, or are you just sitting there hoping one will hit on you?

Zinnel
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09 Sep 2011, 12:03 am

sagan wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Even the gay ones. I once had a "gay" friend attack me on my bed. Apparently he is only straight for me and this one other girl... Urg. No more men in my bedroom, even the gay ones.

wow, i guess gay bars arnt even safe for u huh

RICKY5
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09 Sep 2011, 1:03 am

Tica wrote:

Not to be mean BUT: Are you above 30 years old? Are you packing a few extra pounds?

Then it is more than likely that your male friends cannot see you in a sexual light because they don't find you attractive.

I think the only time a male-female friendship works without resentment, is if NEITHER party is sexually attracted to the other. Otherwise you just have that dishonest and BS "friend zone" relationship.

zen_mistress
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09 Sep 2011, 1:05 am

^ Yep that is true. I have had a few guys looking at me lately, but I am over 30, so they cant have been real, I can only assume they were androids. Or holograms.

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RICKY5
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09 Sep 2011, 1:09 am

zen_mistress wrote:

^ Yep that is true. I have had a few guys looking at me lately, but I am over 30, so they cant have been real, I can only assume they were androids. Or holograms.

Not being a land whale is 90% of the battle.

Zinnel
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09 Sep 2011, 1:15 am

RICKY5 wrote:

zen_mistress wrote:

^ Yep that is true. I have had a few guys looking at me lately, but I am over 30, so they cant have been real, I can only assume they were androids. Or holograms.

Not being a land whale is 90% of the battle.

wrong i know plenty of large women who "get some" and men find sexualy attractive

maybe it matters alot to u but dont think ur preferences stand for the rest of the male population

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