Diagnosed with AS a week ago... now my b/f is acting weird..

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Hi there everyone

So I am a girl, 29 and I was diagnosed with Aspergers one week ago (Aspergers baby).

One week later, I'm quite worried about my boyfriends reaction. We've been together over a year, were friends for a year before that, and ironically, the psychologyst asked me if she thought he might have Aspergers too (sometimes I think he could and he identifies with a lot of symptoms).

Ever since we started dating, apart from annoying habits like having his own routine and needing a lot of alone time lol (I get all of this) he is the nicest, most loving, best boyfriend in the whole world. Nobody has ever made me feel loved like he does. Yet since the appointment he's been acting different, and I don't understand why and I'm afraid. I've been having nightmares he breaks up with me, so I'd be really grateful if anybody could share their experience of their partner's reaction to their getting a diagnosis.

Basically, my boyfriend initially was really supportive, then on the second day, after speaking to his (really annoying) dad, told me the psych's opinion is subjective and the diagnosis might not be accurate, to which I got angry and raised my voice at him.

Since then he has accepted the diagnosis, but told me repeatedly he's finding it really hard to get his head round, but he's not really explaining why. At first he mentioned being freaked out seeing autistic adults having meltdowns at the autism centre, and thought it was degenerative, because the psychologist told him I have mild autism and also said Aspergers, which really confused him. I've explained about the DSMV change of condition name etc and that it's not degenerative, but he's still acting different. He says he still loves me, tells me does, has been with me every day, but the happiness in his eye when he looks at me has gone. He's also, really uncharacteristically for him, gotten angry with me about maybe 2 or 3 different things and has started fights with me over things, which he never normally does. None of it has been about Aspergers. Actually, I'm Vegan, and when I suspected I had Aspergers I cut out gluten and went on an anti-candida diet, taking probiotics and cutting out sugar and stuff... part of the argument was that 'it was bad enough that you're Vegan and don't eat gluten and taking you for dinner with my friends is already bad enough and now I find out you've got Aspergers?! !'.

What can I say... I'm so hurt. I've tried to make things easier by making sugar-filled chocolate cake.. saying I can gluten sometimes... not talking about Aspergers (he doesn't wanna hear about it... although he does watch videos of Steve Jobs and Lionel Messi on youtube now). I know he still loves me, I just feel like he doesn't want to love me and might talk himself out of us being together sometimes in the future. Does anybody have any advice?

Thank you

Do your best to educate him. Be patient with him, and reinforce two things:
1) You were diagnosed with Aspergers. That means you had it for the entire length of the relationship with him. You are exactly the same person he fell in love with.
2) It is not degenerative. How you are right now is pretty much how you will be for the rest of your life, and now that you know, you can reach out to lots of great people and resources. So things are only going to get better!

Unfortunately, he is probably going to go through a period of mental shock. This is pretty normal, since our society places a lot of negativity around mental conditions. He is going to need a little time to process this information and work through his own mental bias. Don't pressure him too much during this time, and let him come around on his own. Just keep on being your awesome self in the meantime.

If his mental shock lasts more than a month or so, come back here and we can reassess.