What Are Your Dating Deal Breakers?

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(Note: Re-posted from another thread and edited for clarity)

What would you consider a "Deal-Breaker" when it comes to dating someone? This is not about having a checklist where you tick off positive qualities about your potential date or mate before even considering them worthy of your attention. It's about things that, if even one of them were present, would completely turn you off for that person. In my single days, mine were:

• She has chemical addictions, including alcohol and tobacco, but excluding medical dependencies like insulin, anti-migraine meds, or any other prescribed treatment for a medical condition.
• She has a criminal record, especially one involving violence, murder, or child abuse.
• She is currently married. I'm sorry, but the marriage is not over until the judge grants the divorce - "getting a divorce" is not the same as "single".
• She can not get over a past break-up. Him or me; choose now.
• She has unresolved anger toward at least one other man. I'm sorry, but when I got to the line on the matchmaker's form that said "Interests:", I do not recall writing "Your problems with men" in the space provided.
• She has poor hygiene. Any woman that always smells worse than I do after I've worked out is no woman that I find attractive.
• She is fanatically political or fanatically religious. No matter how similar our beliefs may be, she will eventually find something about me that makes me evil in her eyes.
• She is morbidly vain. There is no way that I can have a satisfying relationship with a woman that goes into conniptions over a grey hair, a zit, a few extra ounces, which brings me to...
• She is morbidly obese. Not just "overweight", not just "plump", but so heavy that it adversely affects her health, or so heavy that I could not lift her out of a wrecked car to save her life.
• She is obsessively or compulsively contentious. Old Solomon was right; it is better to live on the corner of a roof than inside a house with a contentious woman (argumentative, contrary, critical, disrespectful, et cetera). Been there, done that, never will again, full stop.
• She has meddlesome relatives. Our relationship should be between the two of us, without any third-party relatives "advising" her on how to treat me.
• She is old enough to be my mother. This would be about 12 years or more.
• She is underage. I'm not a pedophile.
• She was born male.

How about non-deal breakers? I don't mean things that you look for, but things that wouldn't bother you and that you think might bother others. During my single years, mine were:

• Her chronic health conditions requiring regular medical treatments, including clinical depression, bipolarism, diabetes, migraines, et cetera.
• Her bisexuality or bi-curious tendencies.
• She can't cook.
• She has phobias.
• She has hobbies.
• She has a higher or lower level of education than I.
• She has greater or lesser intelligence than I.
• She is poorer or wealthier than I.
• She loves/wants pets and/or children.
• She is of a different race or culture.
• She is not a virgin.

So what would be "deal-breakers" and "non-deal-breakers" for you?

(Keep it nice; we don't want anyone getting dinged for sexism!)
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Last edited by Fnord on 24 Aug 2011, 5:44 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Post deleted by author.

Last edited by universeofone on 24 Aug 2011, 9:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There are not too many "deal-breakers" for me: a single trait that in and of itself would disqualify someone even if everything else were spectacular.

1. Married/attached (I neither cheat nor date those who are cheating)

2. Has a penis.

3. Younger than 18.

That's pretty much it, everything else is negotiable...

1. Asexual, saving herself until marriage, or limits sex to Missionary position.

2. Sedentary, doesn't like to travel.

3. Doesn't want kids.

4. Expects me to instinctively understand non-verbal cues without her having to explain them.

I'm actually not genuinely attracted to most people, but my list is simple.

1) abuses me

Good one, that would be #4 for me - never. again.

Reads tabloid newspapers.
Watches reality television shows for enjoyment, not just morbid curiosity.
Breathes noisily.
Eats noisily.

Yeah, that's the big one, but it's usually not immediately obvious. Saying that, I've probably learned to recognise at least some of the early warning signs.

Deal Breakers:
1. Violent behavior. Especially toward me but violence in general is unacceptable unless in self-defense.
2. Contempt. In my experience the people who show contempt tend to do it freely and contempt smothers love.
3. A lack of courtesy (basic respect). There will be hard times in any relationship and civility can see you through.
4. Untreated mental illness.

Things I might accept (depending on the person's behavior) that others might not:
1. Drug use.
2. Asexuality/lack of sex drive or very high sex drive
3. Mental illness that is being treated or managed
4. Transgender/transsexual

Deal-breakers if:

1). Intolerant views with regards to race, ethnicity, gender, nationality, class, etc.
2). Defeatist or extreme pessimism.
3). Abusive.
4). Addiction to anything, save perhaps coffee. And I mean true clinical addiction. If you're addicted to, say, good music...well, that's fine.
5). Use of hard drugs.
6). doesn't like/want children
7). doesn't like/want to have sex
8 ). smokes
9). she cannot deal with my need to be alone for extended periods of time in order to work.
10). if she doesn't have a life beyond our relationship
11). she doesn't like to communicate
12). an eating disorder (to either degree) that is untreated.
13). If you are considered super-model hawt. I'm serious. It's a deal breaker for me. Not that this will ever be put to the test, haha.


Non-deal breakers:

1). Flirty
2). psychological issues, as long as she's aware and dealing with them.
3). a criminal record...as long as you've repented and straighten yourself out.

Last edited by AsteroidNap on 24 Aug 2011, 7:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Deal-breakers:
1. Very high sex drive/requires sex
2. Non-feminist
3. Unintelligent
4. Prejudiced
5. Expecting me to act/feel/think NT
6. Someone who needs "space"
7. Someone who encourages my food issues:
"I'm so happy! I lost 2/5 of a pound!"
"Good!"
"No...no, it really isn't..."

Not deal breakers:
1. Aesthetics
2. Income
3. Type of job
4. not wanting children (I'll be having them regardless)
5. Unsociable

Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 24 Aug 2011, 8:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Not sure about a deal-breaker for me, but it is a pet peeve of mine too.

I've gotten irritated at people who breathe too loudly.

Um... yeah, I'm gonna have to say purposely getting pregnant without consulting me would be a deal breaker, as I expect it would be for most guys.

Obese
Bad hygiene
Not white (sorry...just not attracted to other races)
Over 40 or under age of consent
Deformed

I think that covers it.....however, I couldn't get a girl that meets even this criteria.

Last edited by SadAspy on 24 Aug 2011, 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Having children isn't synonymous with "getting pregnant"- (adoption will be my likely route, as sperm banks seem quite expensive, and there are so many children who need homes), nor would someone I'd been in a long-term relationship with be totally-ignorant of my wanting to be a parent, if not with him, then alone. No "consulting" is required, as it would be known from the beginning. That's a FIRST DATE/general compatibility thing which would be settled years beforehand.

Perhaps you misunderstood me.