Do you feel whole or need another to complete you?

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Do you feel whole or need another to complete you?

I often hear people saying they're looking for someone to make them whole.

I feel whole. But on the flipside I feel like I am left out by society because I haven't paired up with someone else to form a couple and it's like people don't know what to do with me.

So I would like someone not to complete me, but to enjoy my life with.

However, I want ti find out if I will get treated differently and become more acceptable to invite round for dinner as part of a couple. I have an emotional need for a parner, but a need to do social experiments. Thats kinda weird isn't?

This stems from getting older and finding all my friends have paired off and leave me out of their activities now.

I'm the same, most people in my family have settled down, had kids, met someone but now I realize some of them have divorced with children or ended up being in relationships that aren't particularly healthy, some of them have ended up bankrupt or depressed because of this. I definitely feel the need to share experiences, spontaneity and curiosity with someone but I'm not good at maintaining relationships. At least being single, you have less financial burdens, less responsibility and more freedom to focus on your interests and goals in life.

when i was younger, i used to think that i needed somebody to complete me. as i grew older i thought it would be awfully nice to have somebody to share my life with. now that i am a selfish older man "of a certain age," i just want to be left alone in my hermitage. i doubt that anybody miraculously would show up who could entice me out of my shell now. i am set in my ways.

Or you could be a reclusive hermit with someone and only socialize for work purposes.

I feel like I need someone, but I think I dont.

I know I am a very independent person so I dont like to answer someone, always forget to call or make time for them, like their company to do things with like grocery shopping or art festivals but very little chit chat. I almost prefer talking to them online, but then doing things without talking (which is a little weird).

The reason I feel like I need someone is because.... I have come to the conclusion that I am highly disorganized and having someone helps with that aspect of my life. I am also more confident when i am dating someone therefore better in social situations...some might say charismatic and the life of the party....although i dont think i am.

Relationships and dating seem to be very difficult for me in comparison to other people

I am very happily single, as opposed to being unhappily married which i see so much of these days.
Whilst it would be nice to have a partner who I am able to get along with and who is able to put up with me this is easier said than done.
All my previous relationships have been complete disasters. Falling in love for me is like going mad, i really can't handle all the chaos that ensues. It is so much easier being on my own.
Its also difficult to find someone great when I hardly ever go anywhere to socialise, and when people do talk to me I am super akward and shy, unless I am completely off my head its not going to happen.
Luckily I already have a child so the biological clock is not giving me any grief.
I am happy just the way things are.

I am the same way I would like a relationship including the intimate part of a relationship and experience that like all my NT peers have had-when I say that to people they say that "sex is no big deal"-well thats because they are having it and I never had and I want to experience it I may not like it and I may love it-I don't know-but I want to find out but because of looks and personality (this was told to me by a fellow aspie) I may never find out.

as i hinted-at in my post, if it hasn't happened to me by now, it likely won't happen now that i am closer to the end than to the beginning. i lack whatever right stuff it is that attracts suitable mates. i haven't a clue as to what constitutes this right stuff, and i am way past pining for knowledge or possession of it anymore. but if god [or one of his angelic messengers] alit on my porch one day and rang my bell, i'd gladly accept whatever wisdom he had for me in this regard. it is always good to know the whys and wherefores of stuff.

I like being married. We have been together for ten years and married for five and now, it would be too much work to look for anybody else and we are well matched. At least he matches me. I have never lived independently, and I don't think I could, he takes care of bills and all kinds of things and he is the one who makes friends and socializes with everyone. We don't ask much of each other anymore and are content with that for the most part. I am forgetful and have little in the way of contributions in the traditional home maker way but I manage to take care of things and I am more understanding of our kids and some of their issues because I am closer to their level. Besides that my husband is big on preparing for the future and his job is at a standstill as far as advancement and he will not be able to do it forever, it is very labor intensive. So my biggest contribution will be once I am done collage and will be able to get jobs that will see our family, hopefully, through to retirement with better benefits. The point is that I think it is hard for one person to be all things all the time and it is good to have somebody who compliments you and can do the things you can't. Also there is a lot of unhappy people out there and divorce but I think their are also a lot of people who are content and happy. One thing I thought of is that most people think they are unhappy in their marriage because they think it should always be like the courting process and that is just not realistic. At some point you stop having adrenaline rushes every time you see the person and the sex life dies down and some times you just pass each other at the door for weeks at a time but that is not a bad thing. It is nice to have a rhythm and to know that you don't always have to entertain somebody and constantly think of things to say, it is nice to just BE there with someone who understands you.

Lol, I totally understand. I almost added this to the initial post. My friend says things like this. I want to say, ha! It's great your dude was doing it wrong! But i'm sick of her telling me being married and sex isn't that great and trying to disuade me. We've had several arguments about it. She thinks I have this stupid fantasy that all my dreams will come true if I find a man, but really I just want to share my life with someone and to be 'normal' or rather, not be the only single person in the room.

Thank you for making this post! I think it is a very worthwhile topic that addresses the topic of realistic expectations concerning romantic interpersonal relationships.

I believe that someone expecting or wanting another individual to "complete" them is unhealthy and unrealistic.

I think people can "add value" to your life especially in terms of companionship and emotional support.

Perhaps, it all comes down to one's definition of what constitutes a relationship. My definition of a romantic, healthy and worthwhile relationship is:

A mutually beneficial partnership in which neither party gets everything they want - but each party gets some of what they want. Communication and compromise is essential and key. Perhaps, it all comes down to caring and sharing.

I feel whole, but lacking. I don't need another half though.

I feel more or less whole. I say "more or less" because I feel that there is a lot of room for improvement and self-development but it does not depend on (although might be influenced by) finding a partner.
I know the feeling of missing a partner in your life but I don't like the idea of needing someone else to be a complete person. Also I think it's unfair to the other person because with that kind of thinking you're making the other person entirely responsible for your own personality and your own happiness. There's a risk to stop seeing the other person as an individual.

I don't think the "halves vs wholes" is a good metaphor. the "tree falling with no one around to hear it" is much better I think. of course I am a whole person, but do I make a sound if there's no one around to hear it?

I dunno

I'm more ok with being alone now than i was when i was younger.

My nan seems to have aspie like tendencies, after divorcing my grandad she was involved with one abusive guy for a few years before she frying panned him and left . She's been alone since her mid 40s and she's in her 70s now. Eventually you can't imagine things being any different i guess.

I am a whole person, and always have been. I never understood finding someone to 'complete' you.