Intensity EVER returned?

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I seem to have a pattern where the more intense a crush, obsession, or just general attraction I have toward a woman, particularly in the early stages of us getting to know each other, the more definite it is that she won't see me as anything more than a friend (or even, just an acquaintance).

The times attraction was returned, or even initiated by the other person, it was calmer, in that in these interactions both of us felt more assured rather than antsy. This was true even if the women were more beautiful, or if I realistically felt the attraction could go farther in the long run.

But I really do feel a need to someday have one of those intense, nearly (or actually) obsessive attractions be reciprocated, and have us explode in a fleeting but exhilarating supernova of passion. Each time I'm let down by a woman who didn't feel the same spark, though, I doubt more that this will ever happen.

So have any of you had this succeed??

Nope.

If it's any consolation, I suspect that it's actually less common than you think...

Any thoughts on why this is?

Any thoughts on why this is?

IME (I' don't have AS, but I have some OCD tendancies) a crush/ love interest grows in proportion to how much neglect it's receiving. The hungrier you are, the more you're going to think about food. So it isn't necessarily that the other person likes you less because of how much you like them; sometimes you like them more because they're not giving you what you want.

I've certainly thought about this explanation, but don't think it solves everything, because the intense interest starts before the "neglect", even in the time that the other person was giving lots of attention.

A typical "pattern" of this kind of attraction goes like this:
1. We meet, and I notice something "special" about her, though have no idea whether it's just superficial, or whether I like her more deeply.
2. We begin to have deep conversations, and it feels almost as if we already knew each other. The other person obviously really enjoys these conversations, and although there's some anxiety around visiting/calling/whatever the person (due to the growing attraction), I am always glad when I do decide to reach out, and I can tell she is too.
3. I somehow, explicitly or implicitly, reveal attraction.
4. The other person either either clams up, or tries to get me to lose the attraction and see her as only a friend.

So the intensity is there on my end even during the stage where the other person is just as engaged as I am. It is less like "obsession" and more like "fascination" at that point, but is still there. I guess you could say there IS neglect iin that there are no explicitly sexual/romantic gestures from the other partner, although I haven't exactly asked for them either.

Simple fact of women: women perceive men with an immediate intense attraction as losers.

Apparently you didn't luck into being one of the distant and aloof aspies. Chicks tend to dig us.

There is some truth to that. I once failed spectacularly with this cute dancer and a female friend who'd seen my efforts noticed how different I acted around women I was very attracted to versus ones that I was just shooting the bull with. I tried to keep that in mind.

Try to keep your mind off of the attraction or you may send the wrong signal / choke.

erm, no. not actually true. different women like different things.

to the OP - yes it is possible to have intensity returned like that. exceedingly rare, but possible. and worth striving for. it may be possible you might be moving too fast and telling them how you feel before they have articulated their own feelings in their minds. so it might be too much too soon.

Depends on the woman

ADHDers like pace and intensity, as they feel comfortable in that mode themselves

Its like mirroring, people generally want to see a reflection of themselves

In the other

Sometimes wanting is better than having?

* nods*

I've been lurking for months, but I just HAD to register to respond to this thread.

It's uncanny. . I've had the EXACT same experiences as the OP.

I'm looking for answers/insight myself.

What usually happens is:

-Something about a girl attracts me. Could be anything from her intonation when speaking to the cover of a physics magazine peaking out her book-bag.

-We talk and have a great conversation, where we both seem excited and interested. It's around this point where I develop the intense feelings that hits me like a thunderbolt.

-After talking for a few weeks, hanging out, having her tell me things like "I really enjoy your company." etc. I will make the depth of my feelings known to her.

-Then around this point her body language changes, she becomes more aloof around me,or starts claiming she is too busy to hang out. And eventually, I'll get a variation of the "I really enjoy your company but let's just be friends" speech.

I feel as if I didn't explain the situation very well because I was being general but all the specific experiences follow this similar general outline. It does seem as if the more intense the feeling you reveal, the further the distance she will want to take from you after such a revelation.

I'm no expert but from my experience.
In order to catch that fireworks feeling mutually, which I have.
You got to steal a sexy kiss the first moment it feels right, wherever you are. N move closer n closer. Like even on the first time or two you're in person. N it'll be reciprocated. I've dated and found out the girl cried themselves to sleep because I wasn't so forward and took advantage of the moment to kiss n do things to 'em.

WOW! That's moving fast! How often do you meet a girl for whom this feels right? Are you on a formal date, or do you mean the first time hanging out as friends?

In my experience, which poeticwrongplanet hauntingly echoes, moving close is when the weirdness starts. At this stage: if I casually enter a woman's personal space, they don't freak out, but on the other hand they never seem to "get it". That's usually what prompts the "revelation".

[/quote] if I casually enter a woman's personal space, they don't freak out, but on the other hand they never seem to "get it". That's usually what prompts the "revelation".[/quote]

That's your mistake. Do not enter a womans space casually, ever, unless you are only friends forever.

Otherwise move in with clear and decisive intention. Either you'll get waved off or you'll make touchdown.
Never do anything casual with a woman if you anything more than a friendship.
Yes it's worked on more than one occasion.
This one girl I could tell obviously wanted those fireworks and they would've went off, but I wasn't romanticly interested in her.
Yes, it has happened multiple times.
Have also had one night stands.
It's a lot easier than it looks. Just enter with intent.
I learned to be very confident.