How to know if she wants sex?

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OldFashioned
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28 Sep 2011, 11:50 pm

So, how do you know if you can start ripping the clothes off her body? In hollywood movies it just happens so naturally but in real life it must be kinda awkward. Imagine you've just had dinner together, you kiss - how do you know if you can go in for the kill? In the movie "Adam" he just asks her but I don't think I could do that without starting to shake like an old man...



MrEGuy
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29 Sep 2011, 12:58 am

I'm a supporter of just throwing some good dirty old man sex talk in there and seeing how she responds.



cathylynn
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29 Sep 2011, 1:02 am

take it in steps. try a french kiss if that's something you would enjoy. not everyone likes french kissing. if that goes okay, kiss her neck. maybe brush your hand over her breast. if she doesn't object, fondle her breast for a few minutes while you keep kissing her. you'll be doing it for a read, but she'll be gradually getting excited, because girls warm up more slowly anyway. if that goes well, let your hands wander south. she's as sensitive down there as you are. don't assume because you got that far that it's a go. she may want to stop at any time. if you respect her limits now, it's more likely that she'll feel safe enough to go all the way with you at some later time.

if you haven't shared sexual histories or if you have and there might be a risk of sexually transmitted dideases, USE A CONDOM. she will appreciate you taking part of the responsibility for birth control, too.

there is a good book about women's sexuality called "our bodies, ourselves." if you read it, you may know more about her than she does. think, "revenge of the nerds".



OddFinn
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29 Sep 2011, 1:06 am

The most logical way that I can think of would be: ask her.

Edit: And I am not suggesting that you ask "Care for some sex?" if you feel unsecure about asking it. But you can start a conversation about the subject of intimacy, and how you both feel about various parts of it.


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OldFashioned
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29 Sep 2011, 9:17 am

Hell I can't just ask a girl on say 5th date "Fancy a shag?"



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29 Sep 2011, 9:23 am

You can ask her back to your house.

People use that on me all the time. :help:



Grisha
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29 Sep 2011, 9:30 am

cathylynn wrote:
take it in steps. try a french kiss if that's something you would enjoy. not everyone likes french kissing. if that goes okay, kiss her neck. maybe brush your hand over her breast. if she doesn't object, fondle her breast for a few minutes while you keep kissing her. you'll be doing it for a read, but she'll be gradually getting excited, because girls warm up more slowly anyway. if that goes well, let your hands wander south. she's as sensitive down there as you are. don't assume because you got that far that it's a go. she may want to stop at any time. if you respect her limits now, it's more likely that she'll feel safe enough to go all the way with you at some later time.

if you haven't shared sexual histories or if you have and there might be a risk of sexually transmitted dideases, USE A CONDOM. she will appreciate you taking part of the responsibility for birth control, too.

there is a good book about women's sexuality called "our bodies, ourselves." if you read it, you may know more about her than she does. think, "revenge of the nerds".


^this^

Try not to get too upset if you get shut down quickly though, but I simply don't know any other way to find out for sure, unless she is really aggressive...



OldFashioned
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29 Sep 2011, 9:39 am

A girl touched my hand once and I had a panic attack and couldn't speak. I think I was 15. :?



spongy
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29 Sep 2011, 10:04 am

OldFashioned wrote:
A girl touched my hand once and I had a panic attack and couldn't speak. I think I was 15. :?

If thats still the same way try to find ways of becoming more comfortable with touching because before anything happens theres bound to be some touching and if she sees that you dont react properly she´ll probably stop right there.


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OldFashioned
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29 Sep 2011, 10:09 am

Why can't I find a hot girl who does all the work for me? :D



spongy
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29 Sep 2011, 10:18 am

OldFashioned wrote:
Why can't I find a hot girl who does all the work for me? :D

Because if you are still uncomfortable with touching she´ll realize(it has happened a couple of times in the past)and she´ll look for someone that doesnt have this issue.


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OldFashioned
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29 Sep 2011, 10:26 am

spongy wrote:
OldFashioned wrote:
Why can't I find a hot girl who does all the work for me? :D

Because if you are still uncomfortable with touching she´ll realize(it has happened a couple of times in the past)and she´ll look for someone that doesnt have this issue.


My fear comes from he fear that she might be making fun of me or that she will reject me. It's not the actual act that scares me.



Crow_T_Robot
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29 Sep 2011, 11:04 am

There are girls out there who will "do all the work" for you, but they're the exception and not the rule. I think the societal rule is, if a girl is very forward with her desires she's seen as being a "slut" or "easy". It's the whole saint/whore dynamic; guys are supposed to want women who appear "virtuous", but eventually give in to seduction.

Personally, I find the whole thing a bit like disarming a bomb; I'm always afraid I'll make the wrong move and it'll blow up in my face.


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Last edited by Crow_T_Robot on 29 Sep 2011, 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

OldFashioned
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29 Sep 2011, 11:25 am

Crow_T_Robot wrote:
There are girls out there who will "do all the work" for you, but they're the exception and not the rule. I think the societal rule is, if a girl is very forward with her desires then she's seen as being a "slut" or "easy". It's the whole saint/whore dynamic; guys are supposed to want women who appear "virtuous", but eventually give in to seduction.

Personally, I find the whole thing a bit like disarming a bomb; I'm always afraid I'll make the wrong move and it'll blow up in my face.


Yeah, it's sad.



Titangeek
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30 Sep 2011, 12:04 am

The only solution i can think of to this is, "jump of the high diving bored", so to speak any way, and ask.


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30 Sep 2011, 9:53 am

I think it's APPALLING that there is still a double-standard when it comes to "making the first move" and also with how much sex you have. Men are praised for having more sex while women are scorned for having more sex. WTF???

I don't judge anyone on degree of sexual activity, period. Those who never do it may be doing it by choice (religious/extra safe), not because they're "losers who can't get girls/guys." And those doing it a lot may be in relationships with someone who wants it a lot. And financially ready to have kids. Sleeping around is only bad insofar as it risks STD's and unwanted pregnancy to me.

There are far better things to judge people on.

My own lack of a "sex life" is partly by choice, because I want to limit the risk of STD's by limiting the number of sex partners. I will not "go all the way" with any woman until she can be called my girlfriend.