Why can't friends become lovers?

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Why can't attraction develop over time? Why do you have to be attracted from the start (to someone you just met, i might add) in order to get anywhere? Why is this whole concept so unsettling to me?

It happens all the time. It's happened to me. The reason you find yourself upset may be that it offends you to think that attraction needs to be instantaneous, and purely physical. In fact, that's not true. Attraction is partly physical and partly emotional and can change over time.

They can... It absolutely happens that people are friends before being lovers.

Personally, I /can't/ be attracted to someone when I first meet them, it only can develop after I'm emotionally close to said person. Yet people like me do end up in relationships.

My boyfriend was one of my closest friends before I was interested in him romantically at all. It's only helped our relationship to have had us that close of friends before we had any romantic relationship.

then why do people keep telling me that you have to have a woman hooked in the first 10 seconds or you dont have a chance at all?

Step away from the PUArtist. Slowly. Just back away, and close the door....

But seriously, the only people I've ever heard say this 'ten second' or 'three second' rule are from the pick up artist crowd.

Or perhaps if you're into speed dating....but that's a whole 'nother animal.

Because they're f***ing idiots, that's why.

Find new people to hang out with. These ones are bad for you.

the answer is it depends.

i've seen close friends for years get into relationships, though often the breakup ends in them not being on good terms.

which is why friends dont typically get into a relationship, to avoid that risk.

The mistake is seeing friendship and romance as a linear progression. They are completely separate entities. The 'friend' zone is a myth. The truth is that women either are or are not attracted to a certain type of man, and saying, "I value you too much as a friend" is simply a nice way to say, "You're not my type."

The answer is "they can."

The "it depends" part applies to pretty much everything ever. I met my wife while around the time I broke up with one girl and started going out with another. The new girl and I actually moved in with my now-wife and, almost a year later, broke up. Over that time, my now-wife and I developed a good friendship (completely platonic, at the time). I dated my wife for 2.5 years before we were married and it's been 15 months since then. We both agree that our friendship was and is the foundation of our relationship.

Though, to be fair, most of my ex-girlfriends were my friends first, as well. So it's not like it's a sure thing (nothing ever is).


So, while the answer is "they can," my answer is "good luck."

And try to have fun, along the way.

I always thought you had to be friends with someone before being in a relationship with them.

It happens all the time, being friend's doesn't mean that a relationship can't happen. Sometimes it will and sometimes it doesn't. Oftentimes though they wanted to be just friends but ended up becoming attracted to each other physically.

The idea comes from the concept of the friend zone. According to the concept, once a woman sees you as a friend, you're more like a brother, and so there is no longer any sexual interest., and thus no chances for a relationship.

It also comes from the unfortunate fact that when women often say "let's be friends" to someone they don't intend to have a relationship with. I don't fully understand the thought process behind it, but it seems to be fueled from a desire to be polite and not hurt the guy's feelings.

I think these are more true in the American dating system, and more true among younger women.

Anything can happen.

It happens all the time I dated a close friend of mine and we are still friends and go to the same church her name was Feather

My husband and I were chatting online for three weeks as friends and then we met and we seemed to grow closer after we met. I think our feelings changed right after we met in person because I really liked him but thought he was a bit naive. Then we were in a relationship after being together for a month. I didn't even intend to have another relationship but I liked spending time with him and being with him and he wanted one so I decided "what the heck" and tried it just so he see what an a**hole I am in them. That's how I felt about myself because I had found out how difficult relationships were and they were too much for me and also the fact my AS seemed worse in them.

There are friends who are unattractive to her

and there are friends who are attractive to her.