Observe, think, analyze, act.

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Observe, think, analyze, act, repeat said process. Your best chance of mastering social obstacles (a.k.a. love and dating). What do you guys think?

- edited for clarification. In the initial post I was not referring to simply copying or imitating the actions of others. I do not think this is a good idea.

Last edited by sunshower on 05 Oct 2011, 4:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.

To an extent. Might be useful to observe stuff like the correct distance to stand from someone, to steer clear of controversial topics when starting a conversation in case it upsets someone.

By and large, though, it isn't worth thinking too hard about it, in my experience. Once you've gotten the hang of the basics (don't talk about your special interest all the time, remember to make eye contact) a lot of the flow of socialising needs to be relaxed and spontaneous, or it just comes across awkwardly.

Mostly, it's just practice and experience. You learn more by making mistakes then by focusing in on the trivial details and trying to figure out how they work.

Mercy, more of it?

That what I do all day.

I agree. Conversation sounds more natural when you're able to relax. Most people are'nt looking for a deep discussion; it helps to make conversation less structured and rigid by saying whatever is on your mind at the time.

As for my method, I like to observe other people's conversations and see how they flow. If I overanalyse my own converstaions my way of speaking can be stilted and I think people notice this.

I'm also referring to overall patterns of body language, group dynamics, reactions, and things like that (not just conversations specifically). I also analyze and adjust all my non-verbals and actions when within a group context.

I agree that I learn most of all from making mistakes and then adjusting my behaviour accordingly, which I think falls under the initial topic heading. I should probably include "adapt" in it haha.

Grisha was right (in the other thread). You are wise beyond your years!

This process has helped me a ton. I'm can pass fairly well, for short periods of time, at age 44!

I'd like to think I've improved my skills to the point where I seem normal (or reasonably normal) in most situations, but I still make the odd mistake. I've made a lo of progress over the last 5 years just through sheer willpower and focus.

Body language can be an issue-I still get people telling me to relax when I feel fine. Its something I can only get right if I make an active effort to do so. It can be hard to develop appropriate actions to the point where it becomes a habit.

Holding my tongue at strategic times and keeping my temper in check is more like what I have to remember and repeat.

I think that you've found a new application of the Scientific Method - well done!

Nice blog post! Yes I think I do tend to take a scientific/analytical approach to social learning, although obviously it's still quasi-scientific as you mostly can't use controlled conditions. I've found in my experience it's by far the most effective way to improve social skills. Of course I am open to contradiction or opposing opinions.

In some ways. In others, I'm pretty naive.

There's nothing wrong with rinse and repeat, but you need to learn two other skills:

1. How to let go expectations and just roll with events as they happen.
2. To go into things with a fun attitude.

There's a danger in aspie doing the rinse and repeat approach. First, because it roboticizes things, and that's not progress for any aspie. Second, because it breeds frustration if things don't work out exactly as planned.

Have fun and roll with it. No matter what happens.

Oh, yes. I am totally going to do it like they did in the 60s movies...

I think what works in general for typical NTs may not work so well for us Aspies. I think we need to figure out what works for us individually instead of trying to learn the NT ropes because we may never be able to work em quite rite. I would not of found the perfect girlfriend that I have now if I had been analyzing others trying to learn what works for them

I think somewhere in there you have to act.

You are supposed to learn those things by thinking, observing, analyzing repeating.
For example you are at a situation and a few people approach you asking if you are having fun. This leads to the conclusion that you need to let go at similar situations or you need to find a way of showing others that you are having fun so that theres no longer a confusion about it.

Back on topic its what Ive been doing for some years and while at times it can be painfull(before you can analyze something properly you may need to screw things up at least once) it has shown to be quite effective.