Too Honest?

Post Reply New Topic

I am evaluating myself as I prepare to re-enter the dating world, really the world at all as I have lived in a small world up until this year. I have not really been able to talk to others the same since I realize I am "different" and that pretending to be normal wasn't working very well for me. A lot of "Ah-Ha" moments and such, has me wondering about my point of view on things.

My question is if others feel that they would like a totally honest relationship. I have been so very soul bearing, not realizing that others were not. I have perhaps been too honest, I don't know. I seek a romantic relationship in which both parties are honest about their feelings to the core, and begin to wonder if that exists.

So... do you think most ppl are really open and honest with their SO?
Do you think this is a bad thing, or uncommon?
Do you think it is niave of me to think I could find love with someone who would be completly honest with me or want my full honesty?

I realize now that my even my friends who have good marriages don't tell each other everything they think or feel in situations. Sometimes it is to shelter the other person, it seems. Other times it seems a selfish omission due to not wanting to deal with the other persons reaction to the truth. I am seeing with new eyes that it is common for many I know to be a little less than honest. That many other ppl don't want to fully disclose, nor do they want it from their spouse. I just don't get that- does not compute. If this is something you understand or experience yourself please enlighten me.

Most people aren't honest with themselves, let alone others.

Yes, there is a such thing as too honest. The human mind is insular. It protects itself from a great deal of depression by sugar-coating failure and defeat. People have their personal myths and they have their reasons for keeping them.

When it comes to being too honest about yourself, frankly it tends to read as freakishly needy and weak. Human beings are trying to rule you out in the dating game. There's no need to help someone else rule you out too quickly.

Being too honest gets rid of anything mysterious about you. If you find you can't help but be very honest, then after you've said something that you felt was too honest - go a bit distant...don't reply for a while, or try and change the subject. I find it helps not to appear so needy. It also helps with the game thing.

I'm far too honest, and even told a couple of dates that I looked them up on the net and browsed their posts. Funnily enough, they went out with me.

What I want to know is honesty levels in relationship- not dating
After years of togetherness with a person
Just wonder if what I seek exists or if the desire is unique

Soul bearing honesty, and courage to show a vulnerable side are now qualities I actively look for. Just understand that we will be at a SEVERE disadvantage in the realm of dating/getting into a relationship. You are encouraged to put your best foot forward in this context, and overwhelming majority would rather put their best foot forward than risk putting their foot in their mouth by being honest.

The same thing applies really. Relationships can become boring with too much honesty and predictability.

I've not been together with someone for years, so I can't comment.

I can totally keep from soul bearing in the entry stages. Yet if I feel the relationship has possibility for long term commitment or marriage, I beleive it is right to lay all the cards on the table. It just feels wrong to not allow someone to know what they are getting into, not to give them a choice based on the truth of who I am and all I have been in my past as well. I expect that in return but it has not been my experience to receive it.

I can see where one may need to "white lie" about how someone looks in an outfit to spare their feelings or something non-consequencial like that. But dishonesty is a big turn off for me and for me, if a dress doesn't bring out my best qualities I am not looking for ear tickling if I ask how it looks. I know I am a beautiful woman but not every dress is cut for my size and shape, nor is every color flatering for my skin tone, hair, eyes. I know I can be a knockout in the right dress, and anyone can look frumpy or less than stellar in the wrong one for them. If I ask, I really want to know. I'd rather have honesty pretty much all the time. I do not see how lies could equate to making the relationship more exciting.

I have been in the position of not knowing if my (ex)spouse was lying to me or not on many levels and it did NOT make things less boring. I'd have much prefered the "predictability" of my loved one telling me the truth... on all levels.

I don't mean you have to lie, I mean if you spill out everything about you, it appears needy. Of course, I can't follow my own advice...