Well, I suck at relationships.

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I have mild AS, for the record.

Anyway, i've been dating(actual serious relationship, not casual dating) this girl for two months now. She lives about a half hour south of me and i see her once a week (sometimes bi-weekly), and everything SEEMS fine. We get along fine and never fight, she doesn't appear to be cheating on me (As much of an a**hole move this may sound, the last time we saw each other, I looked through a bunch of her texts while she was in the bathroom. Nothing suspicious to speak of here.), and we're all good in the sexual department

Here's the thing though... I'm a paranoid wreck! I very rarely find a girl I actually like (as opposed to a girl i tolerate like most of my past relationships). You'd think it'd be nice to find a girl I genuinely like and care about who feels the same way, but nope. I'm constantly paranoid and anxious that she's going to cheat on me/break up with me any day now. For NO REASON. She's given off ZERO signs of wanting to end things or banging another guy. Yet I still can't shake this feeling that something bad is going to happen.

For example, if she takes longer than an hour or so to respond to a text, I'll start automatically thinking "OH GOD WHAT IF SHES WITH ANOTHER GUY?" and get panicky over that for no reason at all. (and i'm a hypocrite because it sometimes takes me over an hour to text back even though i'm not cheating on her).

The positive side is, I manage to hide my crazyness and paranoia well from her and generally keep it to myself. But sometimes a little bit of the crazyness seeps on to the surface and i'll end up asking a bunch of paranoid questions, for example, she mentioned a guy's name once in a story and I asked s**t like "ohh where does he live?" "whats he like?" "have you ever liked him?" "you think hes hot?". I can usually keep my cool though(on an external level, at least), that was a rare outburst.

Anyone else here get the same thing?

o god yes. i am very very much like this. i have destroyed relationships with my paranoia.... that the other person doesn't care for me anymore, or that they are cheating, or that they don't really want me.

trouble is, there have been times that my paranoia was justified. so i try to remind myself that i can't compare a new person to the old person's behaviour. i've even had someone push me to get to the bottom of my worries, and when he found out my worries were based on past experiences, he gently reminded me i cannot carry that forward to the same expectations with him. it isn't fair to him, and it isn't fair to me either as it assumes he is seeking someone "better".

fact is, anything can happen and my paranoia will not change it.... now if i could just get the emotionally insecure part of my brain to listen better to the logical part of my brain.

doesn't everyone get like that sometimes

Hey Diamorphine.

The problem is one of self-esteem - you feel that she's going to cheat on you because you're not good enough for her. Until you can accept yourself, this is going to be a recurring problem, and you will eventually drive her away with your suspicion if you don't find a way to fix it. I didn't get anywhere with relationships for some time, because I was very needy and worried I'd never find another one. After I got through several, that worry began to disappear, because I had more confidence in myself.

But here's something that might help - if she did cheat on you, what would you do? Would you end it, or forgive her? That's up to you, and it might help to remember that. You don't automatically lose her if she goes astray, though it's a good indicator that the relationship is not working and needs fixing.

Mostly, though, you need confidence in yourself. You found love once - you can do it again, and you'll know more next time. And don't look through her texts again. If she ever catches you doing that you'll regret it!

Yes, but not as many people get it to the extreme level I/others do. And it isn't "sometimes" for me, it's "always."

I don't get this issue with women (mostly because I'm the a**hole in any relationship).

Oddly, I do get it with business clients. A lot of what I do is proprietary quantitative analysis (I produce very effective, time-tested niche market data). I have had a number of clients ask me what it would take to buy the rights to software, to license it, or just basic questions about the underlying algorithm. That s**t ties me in knots and makes me very paranoid about having my business model stolen (it is repeatable, and the market my clients exploit is fairly limited).

Probably because I care more about money than I do women.

What I have learned is that you have to stuff the paranoia down and just get on with life. It's there, but feeding into it will make you crazy.

this isnt healthy for a relationship.

if i was you, i'd do something special for her. take her somewhere 'beautiful' like some nature park or some random thing like that. look at the stars with her and ask if she'll always be there for you (or whatever it is you deem 'best', and most suitable for you). if you keep up your paranoia, like someone else said, you will push her away. thats not what you want, especially when you ALONE can change it.

words are important. talk to her to kill your doubt.

do you love her btw? does she love you? thats also important i'd say. if you havent both said 'i love you' then you shouldnt do the aforementioned 'romantic talk at romantic place to clear doubt' thing', you should just say 'i love you' at said romantic place (or both, if she says 'i love you too').