What do you think of this girl...?

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As an aspie male, what do you think of a girl who:

Finds aspie men particularly attractive.

Is conventionally attractive (good figure, good hair, good skin, good teeth, good style, excellent social mannerisms, etc)

Is socially reclusive to the point of seeming odd. But by choice, not by terror.

Is financially stable to the point of not wanting men to pay for dates unless they insist.

Has no desire to 'correct' or 'modify' aspie guy's behavior.

Has many aspie traits, but is successful enough in social situations to avoid dx.

Seeks geeky, awkward aspie guy who won't pressure her into a falsely intimate relationship before a real bond has been forged. Your thoughts.?

Um.

*swooooon*

That's all!

I find it best to not indulge in such delusional fantasies.

"Dream come true" comes to mind...

Forgot to mention that she has a child. Seems to assume this factor is negated by a degree in sciences, which she plans on converting to masters. Child is young and cute, but has a bio dad who is quite engaged. I know that this changes things. Further thoughts ?

(edited for reasons directly related to OCD, and get out of my business, web forum!! !)

Eh, doesn't change anything.

Awkward around kids though.

Yeeeeah, I did think the relationship through, thanks. There's such a thing as gullibility. Also, you're a child. That isn't meant as an insult in any way. You'll find girls your age who share your life experience. But I'm really not courting 18 year old babes at this point in my life.

Again, that isn't a rebuke. I've read your posts and viewed your pictures and I think you'd be a great catch for someone in your age group. most people with dating/ romantic experience don't feel 'second best' just because they weren't chosen first. In fact, they feel singled out and spectacular, because they weren't the first and easy choice.

Certainly not a dealbreaker, I'm in a similar situation myself.

My main concern would be continuing "drama" with the ex: courtroom battles, restraining orders, police visits, hysterical phone calls at 3AM etc etc

My relationship with my ex is very civil and we have niether seen the inside of a courtroom nor even hired a lawyer in the 5+ years we've been divorced - and I really don't want to find myself in the middle of someone else's drama either.

Ok, but how out-going is too out-going? I really need to learn these things.

I would try to remember that an Aspie is often going to have an extraordinarily difficult time making small talk - if it's about a special interest, that's fine, but otherwise there can be some very uncomfortable silences. I find myself wanting to cut short an interaction with an NT simply because I've run out of things to say, even though I enjoy their company.

In other words, being too out-going and trying to "bring him out of his shell" will probably backfire - he's not "in a shell" to begin with!

That's why I like hanging out with other Aspies - there is no such thing as an "awkward silence"

to be fair, i've seen lots of older guys on this forum who have a problem with dating single mothers, and their reasons are not any more logical or fair. it's the strangest thing to me because it significantly limits a man's dating pool... age 25 is about the average age to give birth to a first child in the u.s., and with a lot of youthful relationships failing these days, chances are a single woman over the age of 25 probably has a kidlet.

No better time for a first post than now.

My two cents on this? I can agree with the person that said "Dream come true". This is coming from a guy who is akwardly social at best, would rather spend time alone at home than in a crowd, and likes to take things slow.

Again, just my two cents, for what it's worth.

I dont believe in awkward silences either. Sometimes it is just nicer to eat or take a walk in silence. I always come off as boring and stupid in those small talk moments anyways...

Oh I don't think I was being clear. It doesn't bother or surprise me in the least when men don't want to date single mothers. I was addressing the idea of "not being chosen first," which I don't think is an issue for most men after a certain age, except for those men who are looking to date extremely young/inexperienced women. Those men wouldn't be interested in me regardless of whether or not I had a child.

...and speaking of not making myself clear what I was wondering in the first place was if aspie guys are willing/able to be with NT women. It seems like many of the guys here would prefer someone very much like themselves. I have my introverted traits, and I hate meaningless chatter and insincere gestures of affection, so in those ways I'm pretty well suited for the guy I'm interested in. But in so many other ways, I feel oblivious, and I wonder how much of that he's going to be able to deal with before it seems overwhelming and not worth the effort?

Last edited by Fullofstars on 26 Oct 2011, 7:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Most aspie guys are willing to be with nt women as long as they arent trying to change them.

As grisha said the parent of the kid could be an issue if the relationship with him wasnt a good one(I have enough trubles on my own mind you) but beyond that I dont see an issue.


You once mentioned you both are into similar things perhaps you could try to focus on things that are related to this when you go out for a while so that he doesnt find things too overwhelming.