What do I do?

Post Reply New Topic

zero friends. zero romantic experience. lived in the same area where i failed school at for 6 years now.

I have a couple of hobbies. One involves other guys at the kickboxing gym where I feel so inept I can barely talk to them. The other hobby is solitary.

honestly what the f**k do I do? Where do I go? I am basically starting everything from scratch, because I wasn't strong enough to push my comfort zone in High School or College. So I have always been at zero. So now here I am.

I am not comfortable at bars and clubs or anywhere where there is a large concentration of people in an enclosed space. Bars and Clubs/outdoor restaurants are for Confident NTs. I am not that. If I was, then I wouldn't feel the way I do when I am there.

I know I have a negative disposition on my face, and I try to just look normal but at this point, thats all my life has been; negative. To just pretend I am feeling good and always make jokes would just be weird. Doesn't mean I haven't tried that.

The best advice that I haven't fully taken myself.

Special interest Special interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interest Special interest Special interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interestSpecial interest

Special interest

To be attractive, you have to pretend that you are feeling good. Act like everything is fine.

I hear you about the clubs and bars. Online dating sites like plentyoffish are better for the introvert.

Be friendly and upbeat and say hello to some women. Lots of women. Get some phone numbers, go on some dates.

You don't have to have friends. That's a myth perpetuated by NTs. An online social life is perfectly acceptable.

And a local girlfriend is fun for the pure awesomeness.

Uhm... try to get a new hobby, for starters.
Try painting, drawing, writing a short story, programming games. Playing guitar, piano, drums, bass. Maybe if you start learning you could join a band and connect with people that way.
If you want to learn to draw, try to see if there are any lifedrawing classes near where you live and attend them. Or you could go to the zoo and draw animals. Disney artists always recommend going to the zoo.
You could also retake the classes that you failed at in school.

AFAIK, depression is a common sideeffect from Aspergers.

is depression for us exacerbated? or just more common?

i think i have some advice for you.

first, whenever you think negatively about yourself, you need to tell yourself 'i wont think about this', or 'i wont think this way' and try your best to stop it. never think negatively over and over. try to stop it before it begins, if that makes sense.

second, try to feel better about yourself. this can be accomplished by setting goals and fulfilling them. a website that i use (freeeeee) is joesgoals.com. check it out! some big goals you could work towards are a GED, talking to 1 person per day (or however many you can handle, more being better). some small goals could be exercising, or eating healthy, or NOT drinking pop/soda, NOT eating unhealthy, etc.

third, you need to really work on interacting with people. maybe its just me, but i think aspies need to learn how to put on a mask. im sure you've already learned this, to some degree. basically its how you interact with people as normally and un-socially awkward as possible. this is very draining, for all of us, but you get better at it if you work at it, and put yourself out of your comfort zone. this being said, for me, i dont like being around a lot of people for more than 5 hours a day. i dont mind being with my immediate family, but anyone other than that its a lot harder for me to keep the mask on, especially as time passes past that point. work on it. its important.