Jacques Lacan theorized that in the mirror stage, our childhood self (similar to the 'id") becomes enamored with the idealized version of our self. Yet, because we cannot meet these expectations, we are left with a gap in between the concept of idealized perfection and our present state. It's within this gap (this awkwardness) that we try to understand the world and that our identity is created. Essentially, we desire to fill this gap and to reach this idealized version of ourselves. Limitation, then, creates our identity. For example, a Christian might strive to be more Christlike, thus creating their identity and how they approach life. Another example would be the hypermasculinity that dominates American culture. The advent of popularity in superheroes, super-soldiers, and James Bond figures are a testament to the hypersmasculine images that many people, especially American males, wish to achieve.
Now, I don't know how much merit Lacan has nowadays but I always thought he had an interesting way of seeing things. Perhaps the people in this thread, including myself, notice something about the person we see that allow us to be attracted at first sight. By analyzing their demeanor and what is familiar to us, we our essentially striving for that idealized mirror image of ourselves.
For me, I think looking at someone's demeanor tells a whole lot more about that person than going on a first date. I'm attracted to a certain kind of flair. Of course, I have to be physically attracted to the person, but at the same time, they don't have to be attractive in societal terms. Rather, they just have a means of complimenting myself.
Also, because of this familiarity, whether it's through our understanding of our parents relationship or through media, we become attracted to others based upon the gaps they fill in our lives. This may or may not be a bad thing. For one, if we are only familiar with dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships, we are more likely to select partners whose demeanor reflects an unhealthy relationship. But no single person is perfect. Thus, when we discover that they are also flawed, it's upon us to decide whether or not to accept this person.
On a similar note, on the topic of mirror images, they did a study in which they found that people tended to select partners whose facial features matched their own. Conventional beauty didn't have so much to do with it as facial features and expressions did. Thus, in an ideal world, it isn't impossible for people to find a partner that THEY are physically attracted to because the others are also more likely to show affection back towards them....meaning beauty may somewhat be relative.
31 Oct 2011, 3:40 am
