this sux - someone I really wish I could date

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Little more than a year ago, I really connected with a girl on OkCupid, especially for a couple weeks. Then she said I was obsessed with sex, she didn't like that my dad at the time had so much control over me, and that I overthought everything... and since she lives about 60 miles away, problem of a traditional date, which she REALLY wanted, was darn near impossible because I don't have a car.

I so badly want to to on a date with her... I don't know what to do. I wish she would drive to the GR area so that we could go on a date.

The problems I listed in the first paragraph aren't nearly as bad/severe. I just can't get over her.

When a girl finds one reason to avoid you, she could find a million. It isn't about the reasons.

Frieslander, first of all, why don't you have a car at your age?

not enough money for a car. Have quite a few more things than Asperger's Syndrome.

I agree with this, except that this is not limited to just women. You have to attribute it to that all elusive "chemistry".

Not that elusive. Get someone into a position where they want you to give them what they want, give them instead what they need, game over.

To me, that is playing games. Who are you to judge what someone else needs?

What if they happen to be a little more self aware and ask for what they need?

Although, treating a child like this is appropriate as long as you explain it to them. They need to be aware of what they need as opposed to want when they grow up.

I am not a child. I do know what I need in a relationship. If I don't get what I need, I will still be looking for it. So if he thinks I need something else other than what I ask for, then he doesn't know me at all.

I've been there, the should-haves and wishing things were different so they'd work. More recently, I met an angel in the city the other week. Totally adorable and pulled at my heart strings hard. Me and a close mutual friend needed someplace to crash after a drunken night out and she offered to take us back. We stayed the next day, hanging around until evening... When we left I should have asked for a number or said something, but I very very rarely am able to get myself to do stuff like that (too busy thinking if I'm just imagining mutual attraction, about possible rejection, consequences, etc). KICKING myself for it. Ah well... it'll work out eventually I suppose.

(Ps. you're helping save the environment in a big way by not owning a car regardless of your financial means. i appreciate that. )

I'd be looking for someone else .If she was interested she would be willing to overcome the moderate distance.60 miles isn't that far if you are highly interested in someone.

I'm sorry OP - I have to agree with the other posters who've said it's not really the 60 miles that's keeping you and this young lady apart. She just doesn't see you as a match. It doesn't mean that you're not worthy of a decent relationship, or that she's your last chance to have a decent relationship. It just means that it's not going to happen with her.

Try not to obsess over the reason she gave you...it doesn't really matter. I once had a guy break up with me because he claimed he couldn't handle a romantic relationship and school at the same time. Kinda funny, since he made straight A's during the two semesters he dated me. See where I'm going with this? My ex quite clearly was able to handle a romantic relationship and school - he just didn't want to date me.

So please, don't waste your time trying to solve the problem this woman invented as a reason not to date you - she designed it to be unsolvable. Put your energies into finding someone new instead.

I disagree. They are bad and severe.

1. A year ago is far too long ago. You are now buried under the messages of over a hundred guys.

2. The sex obsession and the controlling dad were likely big deal breakers to her.

3. Not having a car is bad enough on its own, but on top of those things it is really bad.

4. 60 miles is the last thing to worry about, but still is only worth it for a really special opportunity.

You may have gotten away with one of the four things, assuming all else was good, but all four makes your chances to nothing.

She clearly isn't interested and there is nothing you can do to change a person's mind who is uninterested.

I think I'm finally getting over her.

But she's not very active on okcupid. I have occasionally checked her profile. She won't log in for two, three, or more weeks, often logs in right after the I had sent her a message. She's not the kind who would keep her account active/open if she were in a relationship at the time, I think.



That sucked about my dad. He wouldn't even let me have an internet connection at the time b/c he was afraid I might use it for porn. Yeah, I talked about sex too much with her....

Oh, was I angry after he had modified my old computer by putting cement in my phone jacks. My brother was at their house when I was there in my angry self, and he said "it was not a pretty site"--what I did that day. I suppose he thought I was not honoring my parents, but I think I had a right to be angry that day....

I am really getting blue on this--almost feel like crying--but I suppose that mean I am getting through my feelings on her. I hope.

Though I'm not as old as Frieslander, There can be many reasons including financial and medical for not having a car. I do not have a car or even a drivers license. Driving causes Meltdowns. Meltdowns + 2000lbs of metal screaming down the highway = Bad things. I like to think that I'm looking out for others safety, instead I tend to just have scorn and derision heaped on me.

I was bad at driving, especially toward the end of my driving "career". Since my norepinephrine levels have increased with dextroamphetamine, I think I've realized that my poor driving was caused my ADD mostly. My norepinephrine levels decreased over time, worsening my ADD and depression. Now it's getting better, but I don't know if my dad would trust me to drive his car.

the best advice you will ever receive on this matter is: MOVE ON.

the more you want someone who doesnt want you, the more they wont want you. the ONLY CHANCE you have of making her want you (which is like a .01% chance) is if YOU stop talking to her, and YOU stop going to her. if she feels like you dont need her, then theres a better chance she'll change her mind.

then again, realistically speaking, this wont happen. she isnt into you. you being into her is not worth your time. its best if you move on and dont dwell on this. i've wasted a good portion of my life waiting / durdling around doing nothing for girls who didnt even really want to be with me. its not what you should be doing with your life. stressing about someone not liking you and wanting them to like you is illogical. she doesnt like you, she isnt into you, and there really isnt anything you can say or do to make that change. its best to move on and hopefully soon you'll find someone NEW who is into you.

this time dont talk about sex so much. moderation is key lol.