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Sweetleaf
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12 Nov 2011, 10:42 pm

So my ex from over a year ago just sent me a messege on a website called myyearbook where I have him on my friends list....its just a simple messege basically it just says 'haven't talked to you in a while, how have you been?' So my initial reaction would be to think of a response and messege back........but its just a little akward I mean I haven't talked to him in over a year and I am currently in a rather complicated situation with another guy(I've talked about that dilema in a couple other threads).

Not to mention I am not quite the same as when we were dating, so not sure how he will react to whatever response I come up with.



ToadOfSteel
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13 Nov 2011, 1:03 am

I just started ignoring my ex once I finally got over her. No responses at all.

The problem is that aspies retain memory a lot more efficiently than NTs. "Moving on" is one thing, but many aspies I've met truly can't forget something or someone. Honestly, editing the person out of your life entirely is the only way you're really going to be able to function in the long run.



ictus75
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13 Nov 2011, 1:11 am

Don't reply and delete them as a friend.


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Sweetleaf
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13 Nov 2011, 1:15 am

ictus75 wrote:
Don't reply and delete them as a friend.


That just seems kind of extreme, I mean it kind of pissed me off that he just left without telling me and then didn't tell me what was going on till a couple days later. But I can't forget about the times we had together so I would prefer if me and him could at least still try and be friends. But yeah not sure what his motives for talking to me after so long are.



Sweetleaf
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13 Nov 2011, 1:17 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I just started ignoring my ex once I finally got over her. No responses at all.

The problem is that aspies retain memory a lot more efficiently than NTs. "Moving on" is one thing, but many aspies I've met truly can't forget something or someone. Honestly, editing the person out of your life entirely is the only way you're really going to be able to function in the long run.



Alright well I think i will respond, try and figure out why he wants to talk to me after so long, before I decide what I want to do as far as maybe staying friends with him or whatever.



CrinklyCrustacean
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13 Nov 2011, 4:37 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
I just started ignoring my ex once I finally got over her. No responses at all.

The problem is that aspies retain memory a lot more efficiently than NTs. "Moving on" is one thing, but many aspies I've met truly can't forget something or someone. Honestly, editing the person out of your life entirely is the only way you're really going to be able to function in the long run.



Alright well I think i will respond, try and figure out why he wants to talk to me after so long, before I decide what I want to do as far as maybe staying friends with him or whatever.

Maybe he misses you. When I left one of my schools, I forgot to get the address of one of my close friends so I could write to her. Every now and again I used to wonder what she was doing and how she was getting on. Seven years later, I found her on facebook and the reconnection was instant. :)



Lene
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13 Nov 2011, 7:20 am

I'd reply neutrally, especially if he left you with no warning. Just something brief 'hey man, not too bad. How's life with you?' sort of thing.

Just keep being wary until you find out his motive for contacting you; he may want a secind chance, may want to be friends, or maybe just closure. Be careful so you don't get hurt again.

Also, I guess another thing; say he did want to try again, where would that leave you with regards to your current relationship?



techstepgenr8tion
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13 Nov 2011, 9:59 am

If your ex is a good guy he probably still cares about you as a person (when you really think about it, if you get that close to someone for any amount of time, you build a pretty deep bond and set of life memories), and if he feels like he's alienated you it might be worth saying something short and say thanks for checking up.

I'd speak in generalities, say you've been busy, probably do the NT thing and talk about the positive while omitting the negative. You don't need to mention the current relationship unless he starts prodding past that like he's curious as to whether you're single, and at that I'd still make a brief passing mention - in a way that he can tell that you wanted to make the impact of that as mild as you could rather than "I've got a man, thank you", lol.

Realistically if one or both of you are seeing people, I agree, this should stay at arms length and be rare. If and when you're both single it can be a point I suppose where you can be platonic friends again at least and make the most of that. However if you have current obligations you have current obligations stay true to those, neither the guy you're with or the guy you were with would either like it or feel comfortable if you dropped the current situation like a bad habit.


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Candles15
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13 Nov 2011, 10:16 am

Reply but don't show much interest. People like that are so not worth it.



Sweetleaf
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13 Nov 2011, 11:31 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
If your ex is a good guy he probably still cares about you as a person (when you really think about it, if you get that close to someone for any amount of time, you build a pretty deep bond and set of life memories), and if he feels like he's alienated you it might be worth saying something short and say thanks for checking up.

I'd speak in generalities, say you've been busy, probably do the NT thing and talk about the positive while omitting the negative. You don't need to mention the current relationship unless he starts prodding past that like he's curious as to whether you're single, and at that I'd still make a brief passing mention - in a way that he can tell that you wanted to make the impact of that as mild as you could rather than "I've got a man, thank you", lol.

Realistically if one or both of you are seeing people, I agree, this should stay at arms length and be rare. If and when you're both single it can be a point I suppose where you can be platonic friends again at least and make the most of that. However if you have current obligations you have current obligations stay true to those, neither the guy you're with or the guy you were with would either like it or feel comfortable if you dropped the current situation like a bad habit.


Hmm that makes sense, though I don't think I am going to put on the NT act.....that would be kind of pointless, I mean he asked how I was doing so I'll be honest I however will not include all the details but yeah if he can't deal with the fact I've been better, well its probably better we don't talk.

As for the guy I am with its rather complicated, right now I would say we are just friends......I am kind of trying to figure out how I feel and he has not shown any signs that he's quite ready to jump back into the relationship the way it was, there was something between us that got resolved but it's probably still going to take a while for him to figure out how he feels and what he wants to do and for me to figure out the same things.