Romance is too illogical for me to handle

Post Reply New Topic

Since my divorce, I've decided to keep my eyes wide open when getting into any future relationship. But I've found that, as long as I keep my eyes open, would-be relationships I started having with certain women never got off the ground, never had a chance into forming a real bond. I've gotten in serious, life-threatening trouble in my marriage for not keeping my eyes open, and so I've learned I must not be casual or flippant about warning signs like I used to be. But, I'm finding that keeping my eyes open and getting into a relationship are mutually exclusive things for me. At some point, you have to close your eyes and jump. This will leave some people impaled at the bottom of a dark chasm, while leaving the few lucky ones happy and safe in love. I cannot take the risk. 50% of marriages break up, and 50% of those that don't are unhappy. So, that's a 1-out-of-4 chance one has to end up happily married. No thanks!

Not only is love illogical, but I feel confident saying that love is the most illogical thing ever. It totally butchers any common sense within your mind and can leave a man in a state of ecstasy or a state of a suicidal wreck.

Honestly, quite some time ago I was in the exact same situation you where in. I threw myself into relationships that I really had no buisness being involved in. I not only lost physical possessions (all my ex's have a habit of stealing from me), but my heart was essientially drug through razorwire as a result. A few months back, however, a girl taught me some very important lessons about relationships in general. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Every relationship, whether marriage is involved or not, has a downside to some degree and contain their share of stumbles and misunderstandings.

Yet, even with these blunders, a relationship can still be considered successful regardless of the pitfalls that it will come with. It doesn't have to end in love or marriage. It doesn't have to end in a prolonged friendship. As long as you can look upon (or back at) that person and dwell within happy memories, then that person has served you well. This girl taught me that while there is a risk of jumping into that chasm, the bottom of it is not as one-sided as you may think. Happiness can still be found without marrying the girl in the end. I'm not saying that you may land on that nasty spike and get bruised up, because that would be ignorant, but the chasm is more varied than one would believe, and perhaps it is worth taking a few more jumps in there after all.

Thanks for your response, but I can't afford the risk. It's a no-can-do, but try telling that to my hormones. It's a pathetic situation, but at least it won't last forever. Only 50 more years left, maximum. I'm patient.

Marriage isnt about love or romance, its about companionship, having someone right there in your life so you're not lonely all the time.

No. Marriage is about having certain economic guarantees, and perhaps control over the other person's medical decisions. That's about all that's enshrined into the law. You can have a permanent companion without marriage.

For some, there is a religious aspect as well. Doesn't really matter though, as that's their personal choice. I could make a religion in which one should be expected to always have a mortgage, if they have a house. Doesn't change the legal effect of marriage, and since it is a civil institution, that is what really counts (regardless of its roots).

Whatever.

The reason love seems illogical is because the logic in it is based on emotions and that damned non-verbal jousting. Very little of it is based on scientific or almost computer-like logic, so it's pointless trying to apply it. It's emotional and biological logic that comes into play...

...and I think that'd be it, right there, as to why many Aspies struggle and are hurt so easily in this field. It's about fulfilling someone's needs, taking pleasure in doing so, and having someone else fulfil your needs. Needs that go beyond the scope of money...companionship, aid in different areas, support, sexual satisfaction, social fulfilment, all-round enjoyment...that need for contact, to be loved.

The more you try and rationalise it, the further from your grasp love will be.

There is no formula other than the subconscious one that exists within each person...your body and mind have a checklist of what's suitable for you and what isn't...what you THINK you want or what you KNOW you want are irrelevant. Search and ye shall find.

The game of love is equally as complicated, and again, the more you rationalise and apply logic, the more you're likely to cause yourself all sorts of grief.

Marriage perhaps isn't the ultimate...too many of them end, because there's far more incompatible people for each person than there are perfect matches. Myself - I'm not into marriage because it's too final, and makes things too ugly if things fall apart.

Dude, my wife and I would have been fine without the piece of paper. The only reason we picked it up was for tax purposes. Once you're married, let's hear your view.