So I've got a confusing situation.

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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
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08 Nov 2011, 12:46 am

Not quite sure how to approach this anymore......and I know technically this isent simply about love & dating as the title of the forum suggests but this is the best place for it. Anyways recently I was dating this guy who I met on the internet....basically we met up and one thing led to another.

But then some issues came up about this girl he's known since before he met me......which he has always had feelings for but it was unclear if she had any feelings for him. So last time I hung out with him we agreed to break off the dating and I suggested he confront this girl about it and figure out what's going on with that. But I have no idea if he's done that or not, or if he even wants to anymore.

So basically I am not quite sure where the relationship stands, and I was going to try and hang out with him this week and possibly ask what exactly is going on with all that. But I'm not sure how to approach that, and I am anxious about talking to him about it. I just don't know quite what to do, because its not like my feelings for him ever dissappeared and I don't know that his for me did either so it could be rather akward this week. So if anyones ever been in a situation like this or has any ideas it would be appreciated......sorry this post is kind of confusing.

SoftlyStepping
Deinonychus

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08 Nov 2011, 1:06 am

So you're dancing the dreaded dance of three?

For him to bring up a previous love interest is tacky. And confusing.
You're trying to bring him clarity about her.

He still likes you. I wouldn't worry about that.

Ideas for the future? I got nothing.

Sweetleaf
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08 Nov 2011, 1:31 am

SoftlyStepping wrote:

Yeah, not the first time either..........though I don't know if he's even talked to her yet of if she has any intrest. If she does and that's what he wants I'm not going to stand in the way. I mean sometimes you have to let people you care about go, sometimes its for the better. I mean there is a large change if he decides not to pursue anything with her, or if she's flat out not intrested and he wants to try and work things out between us I could bring him down.

I mean I am pretty severely depressed, and he has some issues with depression to.......so I don't want to make things worse, But I tend to keep how I feel to myself a lot of times and it makes me come off as kinda well cold you could say and as much as I would like someone there for me....i don't know if I can be there for them and it bothers me.

Wolfheart
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08 Nov 2011, 1:47 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

Move on and disregard him, the sooner you cut emotional ties with him, the better. The more you act needy, the more he will think he's got you in the palm of his hand and that it's acceptable to do what he's doing. Don't sell yourself short or settle for second best, move on, it's not worth wasting your energy or emotions on.

Sweetleaf
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08 Nov 2011, 2:00 am

Wolfheart wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Its not quite that simple there already are emotional ties.......and even if the relationship thing does not work out I would prefer if we could still be friends. I am not one to abandon people, unless it's what they want. I would not say I am acting very needy....we had a relationship and he felt pretty bad that he could not forget about that other chick. Personally I think she's just messing with his head pretending to be kind of intrested but then going months without any contact and just randomly calling him or talking to him on facebook or whatever. But yeah we have not hung out and have only texted each other a little bit for the past week because I was trying to give him some space to maybe think about things.......

I might have to move on as far as relationships go......but I can't just forget about someone I care about.

spongy
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08 Nov 2011, 6:26 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

You can try to maintain the relationship as friends and theres nothing wrong with that, however you should try to explain him that relationships where one of the parties is emotionally unavailable are usually a recipe for disaster which would most likely end the friendship and you both should try to look for someone more suitable/available.

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arielhawksquill
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08 Nov 2011, 7:33 am

If he were really into you, he wouldn't have brought up the other girl and made it an issue. He may in fact be using it as an excuse to break up--an "It's not you, it's me" kind of deal. Don't linger over it unless you enjoy drawn-out pain.

tronist
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08 Nov 2011, 8:12 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

i dont think hes interested. its best to move on.

hyperlexian
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08 Nov 2011, 8:44 am

has he had ANY contact with you since you asked him to sort out his other situation? sweetleaf, i'm sorry but it really sounds like his interest in the other girl is going to prevent him from being truly emotionally available for you. she went months without contacting him and he was still hooked. you can't compete with that obsession, nor should you try. if he had lingering feelings for months (years?), there's always the chance he'll dump you for her at ANY point.

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Sweetleaf
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08 Nov 2011, 10:53 am

arielhawksquill wrote:

Well that is a little easier said than done.

Sweetleaf
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08 Nov 2011, 10:54 am

And just to clear something up, its not like he was a jerk about it and expressed that he did not have any intrest in me...it is actually more complex then that...at least that is what I think at the moment. I guess I will know more next time I talk to him.

Sweetleaf
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08 Nov 2011, 10:56 am

hyperlexian wrote:

Yeah we where texting a bit the other night........also this other girl might not even be anything, he just could not quit thinking about her and it was interfering with me and his relationship so it might not even be anything which is why I kinda want to wait it out and see what happens I really just want to know what he's thinking about the whole thing and go from there.

Sweetleaf
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11 Nov 2011, 10:14 pm

Oh what do you know, this girl in question has a boyfriend and has no intrest in him....so now the diliema is do I straight up tell him how I feel or just wait it out and try and figure out how he feels about our relationship. I mean I kinda need to know if he wants to try and keep things going or not.........and if I should move on.

SoftlyStepping
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11 Nov 2011, 10:30 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

Oh what do you know, this girl in question has a boyfriend and has no intrest in him....

Awesome. Glad that's clarified.

Sweetleaf wrote:

so now the diliema is do I straight up tell him how I feel or just wait it out and try and figure out how he feels about our relationship. I mean I kinda need to know if he wants to try and keep things going or not.........and if I should move on.

Depends on the guy. I'd wait a few weeks to give him the opportunity to start things. Which he likely will, from the sound of it.

It's slightly less preferable for you to bring it up, that's the reason I would wait.

Sweetleaf
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11 Nov 2011, 10:32 pm

SoftlyStepping wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Oh what do you know, this girl in question has a boyfriend and has no intrest in him....

Awesome. Glad that's clarified.

Sweetleaf wrote:

Yeah that is kind of what I was thinking........but yeah after that whole ordeal now I am not exactly sure how I feel anymore. I mean I really like him and all, but I don't know if I am someone he should be involved with. But that's just stuff I have to think about I guess.

Sextaesada
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12 Nov 2011, 12:25 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

SoftlyStepping wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Oh what do you know, this girl in question has a boyfriend and has no intrest in him....

Awesome. Glad that's clarified.

Sweetleaf wrote:

why don't you think he should be involved with you if you don't mind me asking?
No need to be so negative towards yourself. I would stop talking to him for awhile, or at least initiating conversation. But I wouldn't want to date someone if they are just going to leave as soon as they see someone that looks better, that's not cool. :shrug:

sorry I have no idea what I am talking about, carry on.

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