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Aspie_Chav
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11 Nov 2011, 9:10 am

To learn more about dating and what works and what does not. I would like to know
about experience of American men dating in UK. Do they find it harder or easier.

Unlike in America, British men do not often ask women out, without already knowing them
or getting drunk. One article said there is actually no dating scene in UK. If an English man
asks a woman on a date, he is going out on a limb.

Do American men have an advantage because they are willing to ask women out, and UK
woman have not evolved enough defence, much the same way men have not evolved a defence
against inappropriate woman asking them out.

Or would American be out of place and at a disadvantage because they have not adapted to the UK dating scene ( or non existance of it)

Any links to articles.



Tequila
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11 Nov 2011, 9:36 am

I wouldn't have thought there would be that many people here that would be able to answer your question, Aspie_Chav. The amount of foreign-born Americans in the UK stands at 0.32% of the UK population. A lot of those will be associated with the military and business.



DC
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11 Nov 2011, 9:51 am

Asking a bunch of autistics for dating advice is probably a bad move, but here goes.

Single?
No kids of your own?
Do you mind someone with kids?
You seem cute enough if that is you in your avatar (not in a gay way...)

Try a dating website, scary women will bite your arm off.

Other than websites or work I think most 'meeting new people who are interested in dating' takes place by going out to the pub & club with friends. If you want to invite a girl from work out you invite her out with a group of friends. (To go eating & pubbing & clubbing) We have a big drinking culture in this country and yes the women do drink proper pints.

At your age the clubbing part might be a bit far, but the eating & pubbing is definitely fine.

Interracial dating is also completely fine here, nobody cares. Interfaith dating is fine for the vast majority but some religious minorities are extremely revulsed by it.



Aspie_Chav
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11 Nov 2011, 10:05 am

I am not an American. But I thought learning about American mens experiances in the UK would
give me insite into dating generally. If there are website on American on vacation in the UK, I guess I can ask them.



DC
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11 Nov 2011, 10:17 am

Aspie_Chav wrote:
I am not an American. But I thought learning about American mens experiances in the UK would
give me insite into dating generally. If there are website on American on vacation in the UK, I guess I can ask them.



Ooops. :oops:



Tequila
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11 Nov 2011, 11:07 am

DC wrote:
Try a dating website, scary women will bite your arm off.


Lots of those 'scary women' go for black guys. Some even specifically request them!

Quote:
Interfaith dating is fine for the vast majority but some religious minorities are extremely revulsed by it.


Ha!



techstepgenr8tion
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11 Nov 2011, 11:11 am

That still depends a heck of a lot on the guy. If its a stone-faced dumb and dorky looking guy "Di-di-di-di-di-do you want to go out with me?" that'll likely get the same response in any language.

I'm half wondering though if I'm not a better fit for England? It sounds like its more normal for people to feel each other out socially to see if it makes sense first rather than "She's hawt! I'd do her!" needing to be the catalyst (that and, sadly "She's hawt! I'd to her!" for most guys weeds the decisions down from 50 girls to 30; its not exactly a successful narrowing strategy, especially if you have any sort of... I don't know....identity? anywhere north of your zipper).


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Aspie_Chav
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11 Nov 2011, 12:14 pm

Tequila wrote:
DC wrote:
Try a dating website, scary women will bite your arm off.


Lots of those 'scary women' go for black guys. Some even specifically request them!

Quote:
Interfaith dating is fine for the vast majority but some religious minorities are extremely revulsed by it.


Ha!


No fun being a black guy with aspergers. I was trying to make a point in previous post that I would be better of as a unenployed player (probably a violent one) then a black aspie on 70k year( and I am not earning nowhere near that).



Tequila
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11 Nov 2011, 12:22 pm

Aspie_Chav wrote:
No fun being a black guy with aspergers.


Can't you just become an Oreo and hang around whites instead? White people appreciate blacks that don't act like thugs and can string a sentence together. :)



fraac
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11 Nov 2011, 12:25 pm

I'm really glad I live in Britain not America. The dating scene sounds so dodgy. Making friends with girls and actually knowing and caring about them before ever having to imply you might want anything else is much safer, and it plays into my aspie style nicely.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Nov 2011, 12:46 pm

The American way is better.

It's "know the truth since the beginning" strategy, straight and direct. Or "do you think I am attractive? If yes let's proceed".

I don't believe that you'd become magically more attractive to the girl if she finds unattractive at the very beginning.

The second way is more time-consuming, more complicated and the rejection outcome more dramatic. Time doesn't much affect your chances with a particular girl.
The British way as described above is based on "hope", horrible.



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11 Nov 2011, 2:16 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The American way is better.

It's "know the truth since the beginning" strategy, straight and direct. Or "do you think I am attractive? If yes let's proceed".

Here's the trouble with that. If you're the type of guy who needs to see a girl's personality before he can be attracted you're SOL. I've had so many girls who showed immediate interest, I'd try to talk, and they'd act like I dissed em. There was no lengthening communication, there was no 'getting to know' someone - it was literally a non-option. It would be fine if they could shift off of it or understand that they'll be dealing with different kinds of guys all across the board and that yes, some of us are very quick-burn, some of us are by nature slow-burn; for some reason that ends up utterly lost and rather you're normal (quick-burn) or there's something wrong with you (slow-burn). I suppose if you're in that position and wanting to opt out of the dating and relationship scene and need a few more roadblocks to make that decision easier - this is a great place to be.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I don't believe that you'd become magically more attractive to the girl if she finds unattractive at the very beginning.

That's all well and good but you do realize that there are all kinds of people you don't talk to who hit your attractiveness radar but you either don't know if they're your style, can't tell if they're your style, get a gut feeling by the way they dress that they aren't your style - and at the same time these people can still often surprise you in a good way when you would have least expected it. In place of that we're reduced to some horribly childish and superficial nitpicking from long distance.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The second way is more time-consuming, more complicated and the rejection outcome more dramatic.

If you're primarily in it for a %^&* then yes, its a terrible idea. If you're slow burn and trying to find someone else who's slow burn, there's no other option. Slow-burn people are too reserved for the American system and will typically always be SOL unless they accept how they're built and just go with it - which is pretty much the British way.


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11 Nov 2011, 2:47 pm

Here's a twist on the original question: Would Aspie_Chav be a hit in the U.S.? Maybe. Can we get some insight on that from my fellow Americans? Polite, British black guys. How do they go over with American women in general? I imagine that would work well.



Aspie_Chav
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11 Nov 2011, 4:24 pm

I do feel that Aspies in England coast through life as a single. A system of hope, coast and go to enough interesting places
and maybe one day, before you reach 40, you may have "been out there more then a 17 year old socially active teanager".

American system is more pro active. An aspie may learn something about dating in the many years. Those who are more
pro active and possibly more brave will often succeed. What a Brit aspie learns to to do more coasting. Actually that is the advice
that I get from many NTs <coast>.

At Christmas dos many of my workmates are surprised that I have very little to say. I cannot even hear what anyone is saying because
the noise and music, and I cannot have a drink because the dangers of chronic depression. NTs advice is <be yourself>, <relax>, <coast>, and be happy, you have a roof over your head and enough to eat.



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Nov 2011, 4:28 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The American way is better.

It's "know the truth since the beginning" strategy, straight and direct. Or "do you think I am attractive? If yes let's proceed".

Here's the trouble with that. If you're the type of guy who needs to see a girl's personality before he can be attracted you're SOL. I've had so many girls who showed immediate interest, I'd try to talk, and they'd act like I dissed em. There was no lengthening communication, there was no 'getting to know' someone - it was literally a non-option. It would be fine if they could shift off of it or understand that they'll be dealing with different kinds of guys all across the board and that yes, some of us are very quick-burn, some of us are by nature slow-burn; for some reason that ends up utterly lost and rather you're normal (quick-burn) or there's something wrong with you (slow-burn). I suppose if you're in that position and wanting to opt out of the dating and relationship scene and need a few more roadblocks to make that decision easier - this is a great place to be.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I don't believe that you'd become magically more attractive to the girl if she finds unattractive at the very beginning.

That's all well and good but you do realize that there are all kinds of people you don't talk to who hit your attractiveness radar but you either don't know if they're your style, can't tell if they're your style, get a gut feeling by the way they dress that they aren't your style - and at the same time these people can still often surprise you in a good way when you would have least expected it. In place of that we're reduced to some horribly childish and superficial nitpicking from long distance.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The second way is more time-consuming, more complicated and the rejection outcome more dramatic.

If you're primarily in it for a %^&* then yes, its a terrible idea. If you're slow burn and trying to find someone else who's slow burn, there's no other option. Slow-burn people are too reserved for the American system and will typically always be SOL unless they accept how they're built and just go with it - which is pretty much the British way.




I was very pro-British way a while ago, but I just changed my mind, the British way is goat-shit.

Here's a proof how much i was pro-british way: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt77685.html

I am now with alex's view on this, even if most girls find this idea somewhat repellent: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt77903.html , it doesn't matter, a girl who accepts to go out with you doesn't have (and wouldn't care) to know how many girls you asked during the latest months.

A guy in the British way would be like ;__; "I ll be always be her friend, I love her, ;___; , will she love me one day? are those interest signs? ;___: , I 'll wait few months more :cry: : boohooo" ----> f**k that!
The more you would be attached to her, the more the moment of the truth would be scarier and the more the possible reject would be horrible.

The American way is based on the initial chemistry, it's more "YES/NO?" if it's there then to advance, if not then nothing, pure and simple - I like it, I like simplicity and straightforwardness, and here number is crucial, because more number ==> higher the probability.

Anyways, local girls tend to like more the american way of asking out: direct asking out , that's how they casually fool around during their 20s till they get married whether by some arranged marriage with some immigrant or some fatto gulf Arab ( lol ) or being lucky enough to to marry some guy they love but who would be 'blessed' by the the parents at the same time.

I've used the American way with the last two girls I liked, they indirectly rejected (one who actually indirectly made the first initiation but she flaked out a day before - twice, the other girl declined politely).

It was much better, less time-consuming, not much drama afterwards. And I am pretty sure that their final responses would be the same if I followed the British way, so why bother and get attached before anything?