seeking opinion on situation

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I'll try and be as detailed as possible, but it'll be tough because I'm still smarting from this, because it happened yesterday.

I have been talking with someone on eHarmony for a few weeks now. I felt we really hit it off from the beginning. She was up front about something that she was worried would scare me off. But it didn't bother me at all. And over the past few weeks I thought something was developing, but I wasn't sure if I should mentioned my Aspergers and depression, because I thought they would scare her off. And I've been kind of down lately, and didn't want to hide it from her. Plus I figured I owed it to her, if something were to develop, to tell her about it. So after thinking about it, I finally told her on wednesday. I thought she would understand, after everything I knew about her. And keep in mind I was worried she would be turned off about the depression. She ended up getting back to me saying she was freaked out about it, that she wouldn't be able to handle it, and that I should have told her up front. And that she has worked with autistic children, so she knows about AS. I e-mailed her back trying to get her to change her mind. She got back to me today, saying that she wouldn't want to pass the AS down to any future children, and she didn't want to pursue a relationship with me. I don't think she's being fair and, I really thought we could have developed something. And even if I did tell her up front, she wouldn't have even given me a chance. I'm disappointed and a little hurt, more than angry and upset. I've never had anyone react like this to my mention of AS. On the one hand, I feel like it's her loss and she's really missing out on a great guy, but on the other hand I can't help but feel ashamed, like there is something wrong with me, and if every girl I ever meet will be like this. I'm trying to keep busy and not think about this. And I would like to get everyones opinion on this, if I did the right thing, or if I shouldn't have said anything. Thanks everyone.

Cheer up, dude... It hurts to be pushed away for something that is not even your fault, but judging from this woman's reaction, or, rather, overreaction, you're better off without her.

indeed, if someone doesn't accept you for what you are, then they don't deserve your attention. Better off without i concur

If she can't look past your AS and see how nice you are.....FORGET HER!! !

Thanks guys. And what she told me right off the bat was, and I'll try to explain as clearly as possible so there's no misunderstanding. She's heterosexual, but before meeting me and signing up on eHarmony, she was with a girl for 6 years. And what she told me was she met this girl, and it just worked out. She didn't plan for it or look for it. And I gave her the benefit of the doubt and didn't judge her. So this is was bothers me the most, she tells me this and I'm open minded but she can't accept the AS. Plus she's very political and is a democrat, and even though I told her I was an independant, she accepted it. But today she told me she'd rather be with someone who's a democrat. That bugs me as well. So I don't know about women anymore, I don't want to go through this again.

Not all women are like that!
If you give up on all women because of this one hypocritical b..., you're really just throwing out the baby with the bathwater!

Maybe she's too wrapped up in her own issues at the moment? Maybe she's assumed your AS is really severe?

Whatever, I don't think you've done anything wrong. Whether she knows it or not, the girl is being a hypocrite. Don't judge all women by one bad example, though.

You guys are right, I just really don't know what to do now. She was great up until this point. I don't want to meet another girl who's great in the beginning and then finds out about the AS and runs. I'm not even sure if I should mention it anymore. I tried to explain to her that it's something I'm dealing with. I didn't mention it to dump alot of stuff on her, just something about me. And from the past e-mails it didn't seem like she's wrapped up in her own issues, she wanted a relationship and was open to it before.

I know more about antarctic archaeology than I know about women, but I think there's as much individual variation among women as there is among men. We're not all the same, so neither are they. That would be my guess, anyway.

It sounds to me like that lady's showing more red flags than the russian revolution. If somebody decides they don't want to have aspie kids, that could be a legitimate opinion, but getting freaked out about it and not being able to handle it isn't legitimate, especially form somebody who knows about asperger's If she really felt like you were somebody she valued, somebody who enriched her life, would she want to stop having anything to do with you because she didn't want to have kids with you? Is she looking for a human to human relationship or a sperm bank?

A lot of very decent people are gay or bi, I don't have a problem with that, but I don't understand how a woman who was heterosexual would have (I assume) a sexual relationship with another woman that lasted six years. It's not like they got drunk one night and got curious. I'm not sure she was lying to you, she could be lying to herself, which is at least as bad.

The political thing doesn't make much sense either. I could understand it if she was a democrat and you were a member of the ku klux klan, but a democrat and an independent should not be a problem for anybody sane. People don't have to agree on everything to get along.

I'd say in this case you got lucky by not getting lucky. Suppose things had gone great and you married her. What kind of problems would have come up in the next ten or twenty years?

Thisischris, your post made me really sad. I'm not sure what to say other than it's good "it ended early rather than after a long relationship" but that is kind of a stupid thing to say, and won't help your pain.

I mean, you could try pointing out that you are functional (I am assuming you are) and that there is only a 1 in 5 chance of a child being AS if their parent is (I could have my numbers wrong...), but then again, say you did have a child with her, and the child were AS, she would "blame" you, and that would be no good either.

It is rather galling that that she would sleep with a woman, even though not self identified as bi or gay, yet she doesn't want to get involved with a man with AS.

I appreciate everyone's input, and you guys have been great. It just stings a little you know. I kinda do want to ask her what she would have done had I brought it up in the first place, though seeing how she reacted, I doubt it would have been different. She's going through school now, about to graduate in May (and once she graduates, she didn't have a definite plan, but some things she wants to do) and she works at a coffeeshop, but other than that, she hasn't told me anything that is stressing her out to the point where she couldn't handle being with me. She was open to the fact of moving, and getting to know me more. I mean it's great that this happened before it got any farther, it's just she made a complete 180, and it just bugs me. And for so long I've tried to control how I act and feel, so I don't overwhelm and irritate others. And I didn't want to put any pressure on her or for her to feel the need to take care of me, I just wanted someone I could talk to and open up to. You guys think I should e-mail her again, and if so any suggestions on what I should ask or say? I have a few ideas I just want to see what you think. Thanks.

Maybe she changed her mind and decided she wanted a democrat. Some people do change their minds and also you don't want to tell anyone about your AS. Have them figure it out themselves.
I nevere tell anyone about mine unless they ask or they tell me what disability they have or if they tell me they have AS.

I appreciate everyone's input, and you guys have been great. It just stings a little you know. I kinda do want to ask her what she would have done had I brought it up in the first place, though seeing how she reacted, I doubt it would have been different. She's going through school now, about to graduate in May (and once she graduates, she didn't have a definite plan, but some things she wants to do) and she works at a coffeeshop, but other than that, she hasn't told me anything that is stressing her out to the point where she couldn't handle being with me. She was open to the fact of moving, and getting to know me more. I mean it's great that this happened before it got any farther, it's just she made a complete 180, and it just bugs me. And for so long I've tried to control how I act and feel, so I don't overwhelm and irritate others. And I didn't want to put any pressure on her or for her to feel the need to take care of me, I just wanted someone I could talk to and open up to. You guys think I should e-mail her again, and if so any suggestions on what I should ask or say? I have a few ideas I just want to see what you think. Thanks.

I know it hurts and it's awfully confusing.

I would figure that if you managed to get that far with a woman once, you could probably do it twice. It doesn't sound to me like that particular woman is going to do you any good, and anything more you learned from her about her motives probably wouldn't apply to any other woman anyway.

I would suggest focusing your efforts on getting to know a woman who is higher quality in heart, mind, and spirit.

I think that girl is a complete hypocrite. She is so scared you might not be open minded to her being bisexual but she's completely ignorant of your AS. It's understandable about the kids thing, but for her to freak and or to not want to have anything more to do with you, that's absurd. I'd kick her ass to the curb and go look for another girl.