Dear Kitten

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Dear adorable 4-month-old kitten I rescued,

Stop looking at me with those eyes so afraid of abandonment. You are my love, and no one is ever going to replace you.

Because no one else wants the job.

Here's to everyone with a life sentence to be served out in the "friend zone." I thought it was a men-only facility, but now that I'm here I guess it's co-ed.

Here's to having an amazing night talking for hours with the man I've been slowly and unwillingly falling in love with, and waking up to an SMS saying he had a wonderful time, I'm really something special, he feels a really incredible connection with me, and by the way, he's met a girl who he thinks might be right for him, but he hopes that won't change anything between us and we can continue to get closer. Here's to the ridiculous notion that any girl (especially in this central european country) would ever allow her boyfriend to grow ever-closer to an attractive young woman who's obviously interested in him.

Here's to having the right personality and the right chemistry and the right eyes and smile, but just not quite being manipulative enough to persuade a man's tiny lower brain that this should be something beyond friendship.

Dear lovable purring kitten,

Fear not! Soon it will just be me and you and twenty other cats sharing this cozy space. Maybe if you all purr really loud and smother me with enough of those tiny kisses, you will drown out the feeling that it's all gone so horribly wrong.

There's a few people I've been interested in lately. This guy has been by far the most intense - I don't remember ever having a connection like this with anyone in my life. My kitten spent a lot of time lying in bed with me trying to kiss it better. I decided to be cool, play the long game, and appreciate his friendship without making a big deal about whether we ever end up together or not. Easier said than done of course. Especially since I was with him tonight and he spent a great deal of time telling me what an incredible, beautiful girl I am and how happy he always is to spend time with me.

As for the others, one is leaving the country for about a year, and the other is emotionally unavailable (to anyone). I sure know how to pick em, don't I. One might think I only tend to be attracted to unavailable people, but really I didn't know any of them would be unavailable until after I had developed an interest in them. Just bad luck I suppose.

You know, so many of my friends are guys, and there are several that I've had an interest in in the past and been rejected by. And they all tell me that I'm so great, so amazing, so beautiful, that any guy would be lucky to have me, yet none of them has any interest at all. The Friend Zone it is, forever after I fear.

That comment about wanting to get closer but yet remind you that he has someone else in mind is kinda creepy. Do you no him IRL? Better you found out early than having him string you along for more heartache.

Yes, this is a real-life situation. We have almost no virtual contact, in fact, since he is very bad about responding to messages.

I visited him yesterday at work (at a beer garden in the park) and he said he'd come visit my flat afterwards, but it got later and later and we both got more and more tired and he gave me the puppy dog eyes (he has the most beautiful eyes, it's a terrible superpower he has) and asked if we could reschedule for Sunday. I said okay because I was tired too, then today he sent me a message that he was feeling really depressed and just wanted to be alone, and that he didn't want to bother me with his bad mood because I don't deserve that, he understands if I don't forgive him and hate him for letting me down again. His message was full of sweet words and apologies and I know all too well how depression can be and I do understand his feeling, so I can't bring myself to be angry at him, just disappointed and sort of hurt. Now he's invited me to a party tomorrow evening and I can't figure out if I want to go or not.

I know that if it was someone else in this situation, I'd tell them to get away from him, he's not worth the effort even as a friend. But no matter how frustrated he makes me, no matter how often he disappoints me, when I do see him he always has the most sincere apologies and reasonable explanations, and then we talk for hours and it doesn't matter what he did, I can't help but be glad he's around.

I really don't think he's a bad person. I think he's just a bit of a train wreck, and he's told me about the problems he has with depression and whatnot. He's very open about his flaws, even self-deprecating. He seems to worry that I think too highly of him - I get the feeling he wants to set the bar lower so he doesn't have to live up to high expectations.

It's so confusing. I get the very clear impression that he is, in fact, interested in me, and all of our mutual friends, almost all NT, have confirmed that he shows a strong interest and attraction to me, but that he somehow seems afraid. The thing is, I'd actually really be okay with just being friends. I'd like something more, but I can live with just friendship. My interest in him is not about chemicals and hormones. I didn't even find him attractive until I got to know him. I just love spending time with him and feeling close with him. We understand each other in an unusual way. But if he starts to date some other girl, especially in this country, there's no way in hell he'd be allowed to stay friends with me, and I'll never see him again.

Yes, it's no secret that I like him, and I'm quite sure that he knows as well. In the beginning he was sending clear signals that he was interested as well, but that kind of petered out as I suppose he started to see me as a friend rather than a girl. Anyway my friends tease me about it a bit, but I'm in this situation pretty often and it's never been a real problem. At least until the guy is in a relationship, in which case I'm not allowed to see him anymore anyway.

The reason I'm so sure is because in this country it's a big part of the culture. The women are extremely jealous and it's considered normal for a woman to basically forbid her man from spending much time with single women (or even other men, since he should be devoting all his time to the relationship and their future family). I once had a really horrible experience with a crazy woman because I was close friends with her boyfriend. They had a child together and she took my friendship with him as a serious threat and constantly accused me of trying to destroy their family and steal her child away from her. Eventually I had to cut all contact with the friend. I wish I could say this is a rare occurrence, but it happens all too often in this country.

Basically, if I want to remain close to him when he starts a relationship, either he has to lie and say I'm his sister (which I don't think either of us would be willing to do), or I have to actually steal him away and get into a relationship with him myself. If I found another boyfriend there's a chance she'd back off, but on the other hand adultery is so common here (probably why the women are so jealous to begin with) that it might not make a difference.

yeah friend zone is never fun

one time i tried just to accept it and just be friends with the girl i had crush on

but she realy didnt know what she wanted, and after a good 6 years of being in a "yo-yo relationship" with her
going from "just friends" to "alot more than just friends"

i eventualy had enough and called it quits

my advice is just to wait and see what happens, if he happens to get a girlfriend and she starts being butt to u about being his friend then tell him and if he supports her then thats when id say leave and move on

but if nothing like that happens then just continue to be friends

and not to spread false hope but honestly im rooting for ya
im tired of all this friend zone crap and want to see more people in the friend zone get with the people who hav friend zoned them