Taupey
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03 Dec 2011, 1:24 pm
Lately three different men my age have taken notice of me but I suck at responding correctly when any guy does that. 
Once I heard about a book called The Rules which is supposed to be about dating rules and I would like to know if anyone else has heard and/or read this book, and if so what do they have to say about it? Also I was wondering if there are any other great or good books on and about dating and romantic relationships that someone could recommend? Thank you and I look forward to your replies.
03 Dec 2011, 2:09 pm
03 Dec 2011, 2:36 pm
I'd be highly skeptical of contemporary dating books, in my experience they tend to tell you what you want to hear rather than offering good advice. For each one you find there will be at least one more that completely contradicts everything in it. Maybe look for things written before 1960 
at least it was consistent.
Taupey
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03 Dec 2011, 2:54 pm
Taupey
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Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
03 Dec 2011, 2:56 pm
RikersBeard wrote:
I'd be highly skeptical of contemporary dating books, in my experience they tend to tell you what you want to hear rather than offering good advice. For each one you find there will be at least one more that completely contradicts everything in it. Maybe look for things written before 1960 at least it was consistent.
Can you give me some examples of what you're talking about so I know what to avoid?
at least it was consistent.03 Dec 2011, 3:26 pm
You mentioned "The Rules" a quick google search found these "gems" which are apparently taken from the book.
Quote:
Rule 1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most
become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest.
Taupey
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Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
03 Dec 2011, 3:48 pm
RikersBeard wrote:
You mentioned "The Rules" a quick google search found these "gems" which are apparently taken from the book.
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest.
So you are saying since I am an older woman and not fending off admirers left and right and centre, these rules or most of these rules would not apply to me. Interesting thing to say for someone who is supposed to be only 28 years old. It sounds like you are assuming more than you should be. You're very negative about it all too. Why is that? Can you elaborate and tell me exactly why most of these wouldn't apply? Quote:
Rule 1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most
become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest. RikersBeard wrote:
I'd be highly skeptical of contemporary dating books, in my experience they tend to tell you what you want to hear rather than offering good advice. For each one you find there will be at least one more that completely contradicts everything in it. Maybe look for things written before 1960 at least it was consistent.
at least it was consistent.Taupey wrote:
Can you give me some examples of what you're talking about so I know what to avoid?
I'm still waiting on and looking forwards to seeing examples of what you were talking about before.
spongy
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Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
03 Dec 2011, 4:13 pm
Taupey wrote:
RikersBeard wrote:
You mentioned "The Rules" a quick google search found these "gems" which are apparently taken from the book.
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest.
So you are saying since I am an older woman and not fending off admirers left and right and centre, these rules or most of these rules would not apply to me. Interesting thing to say for someone who is supposed to be only 28 years old. It sounds like you are assuming more than you should be. You're very negative about it all too. Why is that? Can you elaborate and tell me exactly why most of these wouldn't apply? Quote:
Rule 1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most
become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest. RikersBeard wrote:
I'd be highly skeptical of contemporary dating books, in my experience they tend to tell you what you want to hear rather than offering good advice. For each one you find there will be at least one more that completely contradicts everything in it. Maybe look for things written before 1960 at least it was consistent.
at least it was consistent.Taupey wrote:
Can you give me some examples of what you're talking about so I know what to avoid?
I'm still waiting on and looking forwards to seeing examples of what you were talking about before.
The rules are considered to be a joke by most people.
As a matter of fact the writers are now divorced which should give you an idea on how much they knew about relationships.
As for advice read he is just not that into you to learn what kind of men you need to avoid(not that Ive read it or anything
)?
03 Dec 2011, 5:31 pm
I meant no offense. I don't think these rules should be followed by women of any age, in my opinion they are going to put off a lot of men. I'll break them down if you want.
Rule #1 could be taken a number of ways, on a basic level "be unique" is not what I consider useful advice, finding unusual interests certainly makes one's own life more interesting, but from a dating perspective it does not add a whole lot. Maybe it's less specific and means "don't be like other women" ok in principle, but without a good reference point it means nothing - I mean acting like a sociopath falls under that category. It could also be taken as "flaunt the things that make you individual" again ok in theory but without further advice it could backfire horribly.
Rule #2 is plain bad, men are expected to make the first move, take the initiative, but that doesn't mean we like doing it. Men love being approached 
.
Rule #3 poor too, tells you to feign disinterest, that will (unsurprisingly) make men think you aren't interested - they'll find someone else who is. Talking too much is not necessarily an issue, it all depends on what you are talking about. If you are talking endlessly in an lame attempt to fulfill rule 1 for example then that could be bad.
Rule #4 is just a slap in the face, especially when everyone is short of cash, while you shouldn't automatically expect to pay, you should at least offer.
Rule #5 also bad, more silly mind games to feign disinterest, same as #3- he'll just look for women who are interested.
Rule #6 do it once, he'll wonder if he offended you in some way, do it repeatedly he'll think you're abrasive.
Rule #7 The old "my life is too busy - we do it on my terms or not at all" - again the opposite of what guys want in a potential mate - if you haven't got time for him now, you probably won''t have time for him when things get serious.
Rule #8 I don't really understand tbh, maybe it's some psychologial trick to get you to behave a certain way during the date, or maybe its another variation of rule #7
Rule #11 same vein as rule #6 "it's my way of the highway" - which men read as "uncompromising b***h" which = pain in the ass girlfriend
Rule #12 ok that would be a bit lame, repeatedly not making an effort on valentines/birthdays etc, but surely this could be worked on with a conversation, rather than an automatic "get lost".
Rule #13 same as #7
#14 and #15 I actually agree with.
I still stand by my comment that the only way men would put up with this crap is if the woman in question was extraordinarily hot. It wasn't meant as a jab though .
Quote:
I'm still waiting on and looking forwards to seeing examples of what you were talking about before.
i thought The Rules was a good example of poor contemporary dating advice.
Fatal-Noogie
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Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,069
Location: California coast, United States of America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Cosmos
03 Dec 2011, 7:44 pm
Taupey wrote:
RikersBeard wrote:
You mentioned "The Rules" a quick google search found these "gems" which are apparently taken from the book.
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest.
So you are saying since I am an older woman and not fending off admirers left and right and centre, these rules or most of these rules would not apply to me. Interesting thing to say for someone who is supposed to be only 28 years old. It sounds like you are assuming more than you should be. You're very negative about it all too. Why is that? Can you elaborate and tell me exactly why most of these wouldn't apply? Quote:
Rule 1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most
become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest. If you were interested in a man, and found out he was reading a book
that told him to hang up the phone on you first, and to never ask you
out on particular days, and never compromise on any part of his logistics for you,
and to not call you, and to dump you if you forgot his birthday,
etc. etc, how would you feel about him reading that?
I say the play-hard-to-get strategy is an absolute crock-a-sh*t.
It's marketed as a strategy by men and women who have exceptionally
high sex appeal, so they can get away with it, but it doesn't work
for the rest of us. They don't succeed because of that "strategy", they
succeed in spite of it. If everyone played by those hard-to-get rules,
nobody would dance with eachother. Nobody would make phone calls.
Nobody would accept dates. Nobody would have sex. The human race would go extinct.
04 Dec 2011, 4:45 am
Taupey
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Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
04 Dec 2011, 9:58 am
spongy wrote:
Taupey wrote:
RikersBeard wrote:
You mentioned "The Rules" a quick google search found these "gems" which are apparently taken from the book.
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest.
So you are saying since I am an older woman and not fending off admirers left and right and centre, these rules or most of these rules would not apply to me. Interesting thing to say for someone who is supposed to be only 28 years old. It sounds like you are assuming more than you should be. You're very negative about it all too. Why is that? Can you elaborate and tell me exactly why most of these wouldn't apply? Quote:
Rule 1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most
become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest. RikersBeard wrote:
I'd be highly skeptical of contemporary dating books, in my experience they tend to tell you what you want to hear rather than offering good advice. For each one you find there will be at least one more that completely contradicts everything in it. Maybe look for things written before 1960 at least it was consistent.
at least it was consistent.Taupey wrote:
Can you give me some examples of what you're talking about so I know what to avoid?
I'm still waiting on and looking forwards to seeing examples of what you were talking about before.
The rules are considered to be a joke by most people.
As a matter of fact the writers are now divorced which should give you an idea on how much they knew about relationships.
As for advice read he is just not that into you to learn what kind of men you need to avoid(not that Ive read it or anything
)?Taupey
Veteran
Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
04 Dec 2011, 10:13 am
RikersBeard wrote:
I meant no offense. I don't think these rules should be followed by women of any age, in my opinion they are going to put off a lot of men. I'll break them down if you want.
Rule #1 could be taken a number of ways, on a basic level "be unique" is not what I consider useful advice, finding unusual interests certainly makes one's own life more interesting, but from a dating perspective it does not add a whole lot. Maybe it's less specific and means "don't be like other women" ok in principle, but without a good reference point it means nothing - I mean acting like a sociopath falls under that category. It could also be taken as "flaunt the things that make you individual" again ok in theory but without further advice it could backfire horribly.
Rule #2 is plain bad, men are expected to make the first move, take the initiative, but that doesn't mean we like doing it. Men love being approached.
Rule #3 poor too, tells you to feign disinterest, that will (unsurprisingly) make men think you aren't interested - they'll find someone else who is. Talking too much is not necessarily an issue, it all depends on what you are talking about. If you are talking endlessly in an lame attempt to fulfill rule 1 for example then that could be bad.
Rule #4 is just a slap in the face, especially when everyone is short of cash, while you shouldn't automatically expect to pay, you should at least offer.
Rule #5 also bad, more silly mind games to feign disinterest, same as #3- he'll just look for women who are interested.
Rule #6 do it once, he'll wonder if he offended you in some way, do it repeatedly he'll think you're abrasive.
Rule #7 The old "my life is too busy - we do it on my terms or not at all" - again the opposite of what guys want in a potential mate - if you haven't got time for him now, you probably won''t have time for him when things get serious.
Rule #8 I don't really understand tbh, maybe it's some psychologial trick to get you to behave a certain way during the date, or maybe its another variation of rule #7
Rule #11 same vein as rule #6 "it's my way of the highway" - which men read as "uncompromising b***h" which = pain in the ass girlfriend
Rule #12 ok that would be a bit lame, repeatedly not making an effort on valentines/birthdays etc, but surely this could be worked on with a conversation, rather than an automatic "get lost".
Rule #13 same as #7
#14 and #15 I actually agree with.
I still stand by my comment that the only way men would put up with this crap is if the woman in question was extraordinarily hot. It wasn't meant as a jab though.
i thought The Rules was a good example of poor contemporary dating advice.
Rule #1 could be taken a number of ways, on a basic level "be unique" is not what I consider useful advice, finding unusual interests certainly makes one's own life more interesting, but from a dating perspective it does not add a whole lot. Maybe it's less specific and means "don't be like other women" ok in principle, but without a good reference point it means nothing - I mean acting like a sociopath falls under that category. It could also be taken as "flaunt the things that make you individual" again ok in theory but without further advice it could backfire horribly.
Rule #2 is plain bad, men are expected to make the first move, take the initiative, but that doesn't mean we like doing it. Men love being approached
.Rule #3 poor too, tells you to feign disinterest, that will (unsurprisingly) make men think you aren't interested - they'll find someone else who is. Talking too much is not necessarily an issue, it all depends on what you are talking about. If you are talking endlessly in an lame attempt to fulfill rule 1 for example then that could be bad.
Rule #4 is just a slap in the face, especially when everyone is short of cash, while you shouldn't automatically expect to pay, you should at least offer.
Rule #5 also bad, more silly mind games to feign disinterest, same as #3- he'll just look for women who are interested.
Rule #6 do it once, he'll wonder if he offended you in some way, do it repeatedly he'll think you're abrasive.
Rule #7 The old "my life is too busy - we do it on my terms or not at all" - again the opposite of what guys want in a potential mate - if you haven't got time for him now, you probably won''t have time for him when things get serious.
Rule #8 I don't really understand tbh, maybe it's some psychologial trick to get you to behave a certain way during the date, or maybe its another variation of rule #7
Rule #11 same vein as rule #6 "it's my way of the highway" - which men read as "uncompromising b***h" which = pain in the ass girlfriend
Rule #12 ok that would be a bit lame, repeatedly not making an effort on valentines/birthdays etc, but surely this could be worked on with a conversation, rather than an automatic "get lost".
Rule #13 same as #7
#14 and #15 I actually agree with.
I still stand by my comment that the only way men would put up with this crap is if the woman in question was extraordinarily hot. It wasn't meant as a jab though
.Quote:
I'm still waiting on and looking forwards to seeing examples of what you were talking about before.
i thought The Rules was a good example of poor contemporary dating advice.I do have some experience with dating and I have been married so I'm not a complete idiot. I believe you are rewriting the rules as to what you would like women to do while dating you. Not all men want to be chased and I know a whole lot of men will quickly lose interest with a woman who is too easy and so on and so forth. Thanks anyway, but no thanks this is not what I was looking for and I believe you know that already. You started out very negative with what you said in your comments and I believe I know why that is now.
Taupey
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Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
04 Dec 2011, 10:43 am
Fatal-Noogie wrote:
Taupey wrote:
RikersBeard wrote:
You mentioned "The Rules" a quick google search found these "gems" which are apparently taken from the book.
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest.
So you are saying since I am an older woman and not fending off admirers left and right and centre, these rules or most of these rules would not apply to me. Interesting thing to say for someone who is supposed to be only 28 years old. It sounds like you are assuming more than you should be. You're very negative about it all too. Why is that? Can you elaborate and tell me exactly why most of these wouldn't apply? Quote:
Rule 1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most
become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest. If you were interested in a man, and found out he was reading a book
that told him to hang up the phone on you first, and to never ask you
out on particular days, and never compromise on any part of his logistics for you,
and to not call you, and to dump you if you forgot his birthday,
etc. etc, how would you feel about him reading that?
I say the play-hard-to-get strategy is an absolute crock-a-sh*t.
It's marketed as a strategy by men and women who have exceptionally
high sex appeal, so they can get away with it, but it doesn't work
for the rest of us. They don't succeed because of that "strategy", they
succeed in spite of it. If everyone played by those hard-to-get rules,
nobody would dance with eachother. Nobody would make phone calls.
Nobody would accept dates. Nobody would have sex. The human race would go extinct.
Well that's probably because you have AS/A and you're not into all those social games like a good many of us. But I'm sure there are some people (NT's) who probably feel different. It's too bad we can't just cut through the BS and get on with it and that people think they have to play games in order to hook-up.
It's obvious to me that I'm asking these questions on the wrong website?
Taupey
Veteran
Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
04 Dec 2011, 10:48 am
Wolfheart wrote:
Taupey wrote:
Also I was wondering if there are any other great or good books on and about dating and romantic relationships that someone could recommend? Thank you and I look forward to your replies.
To tell you the truth, there isn't really any book that can be a replacement for experience. It's like teaching someone to drive a car, you can explain the theory and mechanics of a car to them over and over again but until they drive the car, they won't actually learn to drive.
There is nothing like experience. I do have some but I was married for years and I haven't been dating much since my husband died.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,157
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
04 Dec 2011, 12:00 pm
RikersBeard wrote:
You mentioned "The Rules" a quick google search found these "gems" which are apparently taken from the book.
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest.
Quote:
Rule 1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)
Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
Rule 11: Always End the Date First
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Rule 13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex
I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems like good advice if you want to become an insufferable cow. This sort of thing might fly if it was used by a 20 year old who was fending off admirers left, right and centre (thinking about it most dating books are probably aimed at 18-35 year olds). In my opinion only rules #14 and #15 have any value whatsoever, and don't even get me started on rule #1... I mean how is that even helpful.
You might try looking for books targeted at your age group if you can find them. But if you want my humble advice, pick the guy you like the most
become as friendly, caring and supportive towards him as you can be and be upfront about what you want from the relationship and where you want it to go. Just wing the rest. That looks like a pretty crappy set of rules and I have no intention of ever following them....and I don't want a 'romantic' gift in the traditional sense but concert tickets for the both of us to go to a concert would be great. I guess don't rush into sex is good advice.
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