Asking a Girl to the Dance

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Hi Everyone,

I just thought of what seems like a cute & creative way to ask this girl, Hayley, to my school's annual Ring Dance, and I'd like your opinion on it. Please note that I am seriously considering this and would appreciate some advice on it before following through.

My plan is simple: I'll write a brief letter asking her to the dance, which I'll sigh with my full name (she knows who I am, but we're not close). Then, I'll bring it down to the mail room, and have the mail clerk drop it in Hayley's mailbox. Hayley will then receive the letter, ask me about it, and hopefully I'll end up with a date for Ring Dance.

How does this plan sound? Any thoughts or critiques?

sounds like a very good plan...

I just have a little of my own experiences for you to use as a guide.

I have been asked out via letter before and always have found it awkward. I think letter format allows a little too much expressiveness in a situation where a positive response is uncertain.
If you do write a letter, keep it brief and UN-intense.

When asking someone for a date, whether for a dance or to coffee, you want to give yourself and them an easy out. You want to sound like you like the idea of taking them, but won't be too disappointed if she can't or won't go with you. I recommend the verbal approach. Among its advantages:

1. With acquaintances, there is something attractive about a person who is only mildly interested in you. It is non-threatening, requiring no commitment and creating no implications. Verbal approach can appear to require no prep and little thought, so it can look very casual.

2. You can modify your approach as you watch her response (something you can't do in a letter).

3. There is always risk involved in asking someone out, but if you do it verbally there will be no physical evidence for anyone to tease about later.


I suggest something casual, along the lines of this:

"Nice shoes"
"Thank you"
"I just had to get some new shoes for that dance coming up in May. I don't know whether you're going or not...[slight pause for her to register new direction of conversation] but if you are I'd be happy to take you." Then a little half smile like it sounds nice but your life doesn't depend on it.
If she raises her eyebrows with no smile like she is surprised or says "I don't know..." she may not wish to go. That is a good time to gracefully shrug and say "Well just let me know. We'll either go together or we'll see each other there, so it's kind of all the same, right?" And smile. Then go head somewhere else so she can think about it by herself. This encounter is breezy and minimally awkward, plus it's pretty much over unless she decides to tell you yes. If she doesn't say anything more on the subject, that's a no. If she tells you she does want to go with you, Yay!

With a letter, she has to either approach you to discuss it (which is only positive if her answer is a yes. A "no" conversation will be uncomfortable for both parties), or she will never bring it up and will avoid you because she feels awkward about not wanting to go with you and doesn't want to have to tell you that's how she feels.

This is just one girl's advice, and I'm just me! It's the best I can offer, but this girl may not be like me, so it's hard to say. If she makes lots of eye-contact with you and smiles a lot at you, those are good indicators that she likes you, at least as a friend.

Now decide on your plan, and BE CONFIDENT! If this girl says no, it's no skin off your nose. If she says yes, WOOHOO!

I think you are better off askeing her to the dance verbally

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Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

i'm a bit more skeptical.

a letter could give the impression that you are not confident enough to approach and ask her directly. you may not get a prompt direct answer from her, or any at all.

ask her in person. don't make it life or death, just ask her casually during the middle of a conversation, when you are able to gracefully transition from one topic to this topic.

I don't think "nice shoes" is a good opener though. What would she say? Uhh... thanks. Then, you're back at square one. It's cliche, stupid, and it leads nowhere.

Ask her in person. If your were close however, I would push the immaturity even further and write "Would you like to go to the dance with me?" and add yes, no check boxes. Then deliver it yourself. Stroll back and forth past her desk a couple times and then drop the note in front of her. Then swagger back to your desk. If she looks at you, give her a egotistical smile like its a sure thing.

yea, ask her in person

giving her a letter basically stamps 'zero confidence' on your forehead. girls seek confidence, its naturally attractive for them.

Thank you all for the feedback. I've opted for the verbal method (even if it is the harder one). Let's all hope she says yes!