Theres this dinner party

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at work. I posted about it last year. About not having a date.

This year I think I will be the only person not having a date, and now I am really dreading it. I don't want to go.

I know it will somehow be made into a comment, I know my bosses, and I am going to look bad and uncomfortable. I was last year, even though I was new.

Why do I have to worry about s**t like this. Why couldnt I just have some girls in my life, and stupid BS like this wouldnt even be a problem.

I know I just hate its expected of me to bring a date, and if I dont I will look like a loser. Other people will judge me because of it.

I know my bosses and a few of the people I work worth. Someone is most likely going to say something....

id rather not go. Im not going out int town to desperately try to talk to some girls to be my date.

I know this won't help you, but...

I go everywhere alone. Pretty much. I never have a date, even for date events. But though it makes me a bit anxious, it's also a great opportunity for people-watching, for talking to just about everyone ('cause you don't have to babysit your date, you can mingle as you like), spending some recharge time alone, etc. You're beholden to no one.

I know you're fraught; I guess I'm just suggesting that it's a chance to look at it a little bit differently. I'm older (44) and a woman, so you better believe people are judging me and feeling sorry for me at these events. The thing is, they don't really know me, they don't know how happy I can be alone, with the right attitude. I feel sorry for them, because they're so very dependent on meaningless social conventions, or so it appears to me.

Am I screwing myself for not going? I feel like I don't really belong there anyways. I probably won't look too good for not going, it is a small company, but I plan on leaving next fall.

I would probably look worse if I went without a date. Seriously there is no girls in my life period. The odds of me meeting a girl right now are very slim because i don't get out of the house. Even if i did get out and meet a girl, how am are things to go so smoothly that i have a date for a dinner party? i have never had a relationship in my life, and have had maybe 3 or 4 dates period and they were all spread out and 1 of them wasn't even a real date.

Its just way out of my league to try to get a date for this.

I feel like i am avoiding this for selfish reasons, but damnit I don't want to go by myself. for my own self-respect, i don't want to f*****g go by myself. I can already picture it in my head, and its not a pretty picture. I was let go easy the first year because i was new.