So, There's This Woman I Volunteer With...

Post Reply New Topic

OK, so I've got myself an conundrum, here.

So, there's this woman who works as a volunteer coordinator at the place I volunteer at a lot; a few years older than me. She's pretty; not gorgeous, but I certainly find her attractive, even if she's not 'conventionally' attractive. She's well-educated, kind, and generally enjoyable to be around. The thing is our working relationship. As much as I'd like to get to know her better, I'm a volunteer working under her, and I very much consider her to be my superior in this situation. It seems rather inappropriate to indicate any kind of social interest in her outside of what my regular volunteer sessions require.

She doesn't have a boyfriend, a fiance, and nor is she married, as far as I've been able to gather. She does, however, have a very good, close relationship with the organization's other volunteer coordinator; a man not much older than her. That's another thing that really makes me hesitate; I don't want to intrude if there's something more between the two of them. That, and the fact that both of them work an average of eight hours a day, six days a week for this organization, as well. There's virtually no time that she'd be available outside of work, and even when she would be, she's probably so fried from the work she does that she'd just want to go home and relax and have some time to herself. I know I certainly would, anyway.

She also seems to be going through (or at least has been recently) a rough spot in her life. Some personal long-term health and financial troubles, I guess, from what I've heard from her and the other volunteer coordinator. I know her personal life is none of my business, and she's got most of it sorted out and under control by now, I think, but I can't help but want to help her out in any way I can.

On top of all that, I highly doubt she sees me as anything other than a faithful, responsible volunteer, and that's it

TL;DR: I like this woman I volunteer with, but she's my superior at this organization, and it seems inappropriate to express interest in her, considering our working relationship and other factors.

In my honest opinion I wouldn't make a move man. Of any sort. Unless she shows signs of flirting

e.g. touching, asking personal questions, laughing at almost anything you say

That could burn a serious bridge. I've been there.

That's what I thought would be best. It's been a long time since this kind of thing has come up in my life, though, so I thought I'd throw it out there to see what other people think. You know, just to check and stuff.

I agree, you will end up looking like the guy who attends charity events to meet women or thinks of them as a meat market, It could ruin your reputation with the organization. It is never sensible to date someone where you work because if it doesn't work out, you have to face them everyday and you can't hide from them. If you approach a random girl on the street and date her, at least you don't have to worry about seeing her again if it doesn't work out.

I am not someone of much personal experience, but I have witnessed relationships that started at work, and if anything ever held true, then it's tghe old saying that goes approx. like this: "Never take a dump where you dine!" That said, I also know one couple that has been together for ages now, and they started out as a "simple" affair at work. To sum it up: If you are really into her, I would definitely try to keep your eyes and ears open for signs that she might have mutual feelings, but I would be very, very careful.

i'd say go for it. you wouldn't really be in any danger of overstepping your boundaries because you are not the one in a position of authority. it is kind of up to her if she wants to continue something if you get the ball rolling. she may not initiate as she may worry that it would be misconstrued by you, so she might just be waiting for your move.

perhaps you might want to arrange an after-work drink with a few people including her, and then see if there is chemistry outside of the workplace. maybe notice whether she pays more atention to you or to that other coworker. slowly get to know her better that way outside of work (maybe add her on facebook too, etc), and eventually take a leap.

it may make things awkward if it doesn't work out, but you can always go volunteer somewhere else.

she may be tired after work, but most people still have relationships even with exhausting jobs so don't worry about that.

EDIT: i should add that i worked 10 feet away from a man who rejected me.... we worked in side-by-side cubicles for a whole year!! ! yes it was slightly awkward but if you stay professional in your interactions on the job you should be fine.

This has always been how I approach dating pretty much anyone: Make no moves, show no interest out of the normal range of interactions, but always keep an eye and ear out for any little behavioral details that indicate some kind of interest from them. And if there are any, still, tread very carefully.