Am I ever going to be able to predict his next move?

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

oddness
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 83

19 Dec 2011, 5:33 pm

Is it common for an aspie to feel over whelmed by a relationship or think its going too fast whenever the slightest advancement is made ie a kiss on the cheek being added to the end of the usual hug?
Does this mean they are with the wrong person or is it just a symptom of their dislike of change and overanalysing of all situations?
Perhaps I should explain. I seem to be on edge because I technically have 50% of the control of the relationship situation Im in yet cant keep up with what is happening and am being surprised by everything the other person does. Its not necessarily that I dont like what theyre doing its just that the surprise sort of spoils the moment. I even worry sometimes that I am being taken advantage of because people can sneak things up on me and I dont realise until its happened.
I dont believe NTs get these doubts or do they when they are new to the relationship game? And can aspies ever learn to predict whats going to happen next or do they analyse consciously all their lives?



PastFixations
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,735

19 Dec 2011, 5:55 pm

When you say surprise spoils the moment, do you mean if you were just about to initiate a kiss and he was to bring up about taking you on holiday? That sort of spoiling the moment?


_________________
www.wrongplanet.net/postp5013377.html&h ... t=#5013377

Sora: "My friends are my power."

Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me."


oddness
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 83

19 Dec 2011, 6:34 pm

The other way around. I am about to say something or I think we are going to hug and he kisses me. Im not expecting it so before Ive had time to realise, he's done it, its over and Im left with the feeling of "that was cheekily done and maybe I would have enjoyed it more if Id have know it was coming".
And I wonder if I am in control at all because I cant stop him because I dont know what he's going to do until its done.



glasstoria
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2011
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 468
Location: Missouri USA

19 Dec 2011, 7:25 pm

I have been overwhelmed before in this area, and sometimes because it is the wrong person, but also sometimes just because it is a new thing with someone. It is okay to ask for a slower pace, or more advance warning before things happen. Or he could let you be first to initiate things until you feel more comfortable with each activity.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 165 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 48 of 200
EQ 12 SQ 70 = Extreme Systemizer


Mindslave
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Nov 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,034
Location: Where the wild things wish they were

19 Dec 2011, 8:47 pm

I used to get overwhelmed just talking to a girl. A living, breathing, female human. What you are describing is common enough to be called common, and it's not just with Aspies, although there is the added problem of having a really hard time with most social signals.