Got a dilemma, and it sucks big time.

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This is kind of funny, considering i almost never take help from others.
But this time i'm willing to, and i want to hear of other peoples opinion.

Now i guess i should explain the case first.

My girlfriend and i have been together for a bit more than 3 months now.
She is still friends with her ex, infact, most of her friends are friends with him too.
She lives with 2 other friends, a guy and a girl.
And her ex keeps visiting the house.
Before they broke up they had been together for 1 year and 6 months.

My girlfriend said, or rather her roomie said it took her a long time to get over him.
And yesterday my girlfriend didn't feel well, because her ex was visiting, but he was with her female roomie, and she felt like she was a 3rd wheel, and said that she got jealouse at the thought of him being with someone else.
I don't know if she expressed herself wrong and meant that she didn't like him being with her roomie, cause i can understand, that that would be weird.
But to say that she is JEALOUSE of the thought him being with someone else? = /
She says it's "not like that" and that she's over him, and if she wasn't she wouldn't have gotten into a relationship with me, and on top of that he still owes her around 800$
And i've heard he hasn't been that nice to her now and then in their relationship.

But it's still messing with my head.
How can she love me and be in a relationship with me, but get jealouse over him being with someone else?

I talked with her, and i want to believe her, but i just can't shake the feeling. Whenever i think of her talking to him, or if they do something random ( like if we're several people and she goes with him to buy food to everyone) that she's doing it to be with him.
I feel like i'm...i dunno, just someone she got together with so she can forget her ex or someone to make the time pass with or something, which she says isn't the case.

It's really eating away at me, and i don't want to talk to much more about this with her cause i don't want to create problems that could ruin our relationship.

Is that behavior normal for girls?
One of my friends said it's actually a normal thing, but it'adfljk'sdfp urgh D=
I'm trying to tell myself it's a lot more complex than it seems and sometimes rational thinking can't help, but on the otherhand it also feels like i'm trying to lie to myself so i can trust her and not worry. I mean, in my eyes, fact is, if she can get jealouse over the thought of him being with someone else, it meanms she has some sort of feelings for her.

Disregard her and move on, there are still too many emotions involved and jealousy is never a good thing. She wasn't ready for a relationship, still has feelings for him and isn't prepared to move on just yet. Don't end up being the rebound guy, take the initiative and tell her that you don't think it's healthy for you to both keep on seeing each other.

You are right to have a gut instinct and feel like something is wrong in this scenario, listen to your instincts and follow through with them. She wasn't ready for a relationship, still has feelings for him and isn't prepared to move on just yet. If there isn't any trust in the relationship at this stage, it doesn't have much chance of lasting long term without discomfort and pain, I'm not being cynical, I'm just trying to be realistic. You need to break it off with her and find someone who understands that it is important for you to feel a sense of security and trust which she clearly doesn't appreciate or respect.

I'm sorry your hurting. You have a right to rant. It sounds like a messed up situation.

You could withdraw for a while just to figure how she's going to react on it. If she doesn't care, the whole thing was scrap from the beginning. However, if she takes it as a chance to look at things from your pov, she might realize that her behavior is unacceptable.

@Wolfheart

Yeaaah no not happening.
You make it sound like i'm gonna get into a relationship right after i break up with her.
No.
I rarely fall in love and like someone.
And lastly, i should also add that there was another girl her ex was interested in, and there, she didn't care.
She simply might for formulated herself in a wrong way.

I mean how'd you have it if your ex all of a sudden dated your best friend, or someone you live with.
Some would not care, others would find it highly unpleasant.

@PTSmorrow
Well we did talk, and she felt bad that i was worrying so much.
She said there is nothing to it, and that she knows that it's wrongly said of her from my point of view.
And as i said above, she might simply have expressed herself in a wrong way that lead to a misunderstanding.
Some might say it's just to cover up and what not.

i think it is normal to feel jealous in that way but only if you do still have feelings for them. i think it is possible to love a new partner fully and still have feelings for an old partner but i think it is inconsiderate and irresponsible to remain so close with your ex after breaking up. i can understand it is hard when they share friends. I think you need to tell your ex or get someone else to show her that it is not acceptable for her to remain close with her ex and expect you to be ok with it. if the situation was reversed i doubt she would feel any different than you do. it sounds like you have been very tollerant

basically i think she needs to stop seeing him regularly. for most relationships, especially young ones i don't see it as healthy behavior. it must be downright confusing to both of you

i think the issue of shared friends is a real problem but it can be sorted out if they just hang out with friends on different occasions. I would say that she does not intend any harm and it seems you know that which is good

it sounds like her ex is irresponsible and possibly even trying to mess up her life. it is not acceptable to date your ex's friend especially so when they live together. he sounds like a prick but that is not something you should focus your efforts on. Is she playing nice because he owes her money??

She's not over him. You have to ask yourself: do you want to stay with someone that isn't really into you because you don't fall frequently? Wouldn't you rather have someone that is totally yours? Isn't that worth waiting for? I'm trying to convince myself of this as we speak.

I like the idea of giving her some space to miss you. Maybe get her head straightened out.

Also, there is a certain ego involvedness that exists with an ex. It's kinda possessive, like "Hey! I was the best dammit!" If that chemical attraction was there it will always be there....I'm friends with most of my exes and I don't spend a lot of time alone with them when I'm dating someone else. That's just common sense and respect.

Tias, it does sound like she is not over her ex yet, but that might not be a serious issue. it's pretty natural to still have feelings for an ex, especially if they are still friends. love/crush/infatuation often doesn't end suddenly just because a couple has broken up. you will even hear an 80 year-old man speak wistfully of his first love - the feelings often won't go away instantly, if at all. the problem happens when a person acts on those feelings.

it's kind of a double whammy when an ex dates a mutual friend. then your girlfriend doesn't have the leisure to get past the situation on her own terms, but instead is confronted with it on a day to day basis. it would feel like betrayal from them, like they are flaunting their new relationship in her face.

frankly, i think a lot of people still have feelings that linger and it isn't a big deal, but other questions arise, like does she have strong feelings for yo toou, and will she be able to resist acting on her leftover feelings, and can you live with her still feeling this way?

Maybe she's jealous that her roomie is spending so much time with this jerk that they don't hang out like they used to?

Maybe she's upset at the thought that her roomie might start going out with this guy who was mean to her, but she misidentified the feeling as jealousy?

Maybe she thought the reason they broke up had something to do with him not being able to settle down, and the thought of him settling down with her roomie is making her feel inadequate?

Or maybe there's a part if her that still has a thing for him. It's sometimes hard to get those little traces of emotion, and things can linger even after you think they're gone.

Just possibilities. I think you have a right to feel upset about it no matter what her reason. She is slighting you, even if she doesn't quite realize it.

OP, I'm going to offer a dissenting opinion, because I think your Aspieness might be about to push you out of what could be a nice relationship. Here's what I mean: you're obsessing over the possibility that your gf may have feelings for her ex. NTs can obsess over things like that, too....but hyper-focus and rigid thinking do tend to be common Aspie traits. I'm worried that's what you're doing. I'm not sure that your level of anxiety or agitation or whatever is so much about whether she may have some residual feelings for him, but that it could possibly be more about you thinking about that possibility obsessively. I get the feeling you keep drawing and re-drawing the connection between her having feelings for him and that being a very bad sign for your relationship. That makes me concerned that hyper-focus and obsessive thought and the negative energy it's creating is going to drive you to exit the relationship.

Honestly, it's not unusual to have feelings for an ex, particularly if the couple was together for a while. But the existence of feelings does not mean she wants him back. We can all want things or people that aren't very good for us. Most of us have the discipline or courage or get the assistance needed to walk away from those things....but it doesn't mean you don't miss them once in a while. But missing something and taking steps to re-establish a relationship are two very different things. Please remember that thoughts/feelings do not equal action.

Look, you asked her about it, and she answered your questions and gave you assurances. You have to make a decision to trust her or not. But I would strongly advise you against insisting that your partners (present and future) have no feelings for their exes. Yes, it would make all of our lives a lot easier if that were true for most people. But you're going to find that among your potential partners, pretty much everybody has had relationships before, good and bad. Any woman you meet is going to come into your life with her own past and her own experiences. My hope is that you would choose a woman not because her emotional slate is squeaky clean, but because she's a decent person who's word you can believe. She's said she wants to be with you, and unfortunately I can't guarantee what she's told you is true. The point is, no one can. If you want to see if you've made a good choice in this girl, you're going to have to let your continuing experience with her answer your questions and allay your fears. From what you've shared, it doesn't seem like she's given you any solid reason to doubt her. Her ex is in her social orbit, and you're going to have to find a way to deal with that - or not. Just try to be aware that obsessing over it and/or repeatedly connecting the dots that not wanting your ex to date your roommate = cheating may be much more about Asperger's than about her. I think it would be quite unfortunate if you let her go and your suspicions wound up being unwarranted. Good luck.

I think it's actually pretty common for people to still have feelings for people they've been with in the past. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't love and want to be with someone they're with now. It doesn't mean that her feelings for you aren't way stronger than whatever feelings she has left for him. It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you all the time but have some latent feelings for him that sometimes rise to the surface.

If you insist on having a partner who has no feelings at all for anyone other than you ever again, I think you are probably being unrealistic/unreasonable.